Low sex drive, watches porn. Male point of views very welcome

[jane2210]

I’ve seen a few posts regarding this.

My story:
My OH and I have been together 5 years. Sex, well it’s never been great. Infrequent, one sided in terms of my satisfaction from the get go.

So why, you ask did I stay with him? The truth is apart from the second he is kind, funny we just connect on every level and for both of us we would rather be in each others company than others, from the outside everyone comments on how perfect we are and are jealous of how much fun and love we have. I genuinely believe he does love me a lot.

Sidetrack sorry. So, I chalked the lack of sex to low libido, we have had discussions about it, he reassured me it was him, he finds me very attractive. I basically went for a no pressure approach, yes I was unsatisfied sexually but sex isn’t everything. (Even though I actually have a high libido and enjoy new things, like to think it’s not down to me being dull)

Tonight I found his internet history, there it was, porn, f*cking porn! I feel rejected, humiliated, pathetic. No libido, yet happily watches porn. Has he been lying? I’m I so utterly unattractive that he can’t bring himself to fk me????? Is it even worth giving up my sex life, when obviously he doesn’t want me a never has. I feel like there is dagger through my heart.

I suspect the "shit in bed" comments struck a nerve.

Is this rare or normal for a woman to enjoy porn?

Somewhere in between rare and 'normal'.

IME the majority of men watch porn, bit not the majority of women. What the percentage is, I haven't a clue.

My wife became addicted to extreme hardcore porn. I worked away a lot and would come home at weekends and find the videos she had downloaded in our history. But then if I ever approached the subject she would shut down and not want to talk about it.
Is this rare or normal for a woman to enjoy porn?

Not rare for some women to use porn.
Very rare and abnormal for a woman to become addicted to extreme hardcore porn.

Quick Christian77 the 1950s are calling you, you've somehow escaped.

Pornhounds are shit at sex

Hold the front page...

Ummm IME (& actual addicts aside) porn use doesn’t effect someone’s ability in bed. Good sex happens when 2 people really want to get the other person off. When I’ve gone off sex with partners it’s because my feelings towards them had changed. Not anything to do with me watching porn. & Most young women watch porn regularly (but it’s still not talked about as much as men watching porn because speaking about female sexuality is still somewhat taboo & stereotyped....clearly, judging by this thread)

His porn watching isn’t the issue OP (I mean you can have an issue with it if you want, but masturbation is natural & if he wants to use visual aids that’s nothing to do with you)
The issue is YOUR sex life with him.... sounds miserable OP. How much longer do you want to go on like this?

DH has wanted sex all day.

I've come to bed before him and watched some porn and had a wank.

I don't owe him sex. I'm not obliged. I am allowed to watch porn. I am allowed to masturbate rather than have sex with him.

I would be furious if he found porn and was mad at me for not having sex with him instead. I'm not a sex toy.

Unfortunately this post seems to have taken a vicious turn. Obviously all parties are entitled to their opinions as stated throughout, this surely can be done in a respectful way? 🤷‍♀️ my comments have been purely based on my own moral standards not a judgement on others.

For the record I do not believe masterbation is wrong, I quite enjoy it actually! I do however feel uncomfortable with my OH getting gratification from another women. Despite other posters assumptions I’m not uptight about sex, it was actually my freedom and drive that made my partner retract from sex, not some outdated stereotype of a dowdy, unadventurous, housewife that needs to slap a bit of make up!!!🤨 (... because the will resolve everything 🙄)

My issue is with sexually pleasing yourself to someone outside the relationship, just because it’s on a screen doesn’t mean that it has no impact on your self esteem and ultimately if you love your partner and it makes them unhappy for you to look at porn in my view you should just stop because the relationship is worth more than wanking off to stranger. (Applicable to either party in the relationship)

I’m entitled to feel that way without cruel judgements and ridicule off of posters that have cherry picked parts of my comments out of context to try and belittle my feelings or not even bothered to read all the posts as a pose to those that offer genuine advice or ‘tough love’ for want of a better phrase. It is also a shame that other posters have decided to viciously berate other users without provocation.

This was my marriage. It made me mentally ill. He promised to change, tiger counselling etc but of course he never did. I ended things in the end and have never looked back. My sex life since has been pretty epic.

That’s the point though - we all know that there are men who are bloody thrilling in bed. Those active men who are delighted that you exist.

It’s just that domestic masturbation man isn’t him. He might have been ace once, but he’s lost it to a screen. I’m not saying that if you’ve ever watched porn then you are on a one way ticket to being rubbish in bed, but men who spend all their time wanking to the internet are rubbish in bed, yes they are very in touch with their own fantasy life but that’s not the same as great sex.

Do some posters think he has a healthy sex drive he's somehow channeling into porn and masturbation? No, I bet if you could get him to give up both entirely his interest in sex would only perk up slightly. A low libido makes porn and masturbation more appealing than actual sex. Porn use does have some effect on libido and performance, I will grant you, but its not the main cause. Its more of a symptom.

I’m not saying that if you’ve ever watched porn then you are on a one way ticket to being rubbish in bed, but men who spend all their time wanking to the internet are rubbish in bed, yes they are very in touch with their own fantasy life but that’s not the same as great sex

This