DD1 boyfriends behaviour is a bit worrying

[lolaflores]

DD1 is at the airport with her BF off on hols. She has just posted a pic of him sitting in a corner of departures ignroing her because he is feeling a bit fed up.
Do i just shut up and say nothing?
Tell her I find his behaviour a bit of a worry?
He has form for sulking and some previous that has not impressed me one little bit.
I get the feeling she thihnks he will get better if she just tries hared enough. She works really hard and needs this holiday and he is acting out.
She knows where I stand ...am I wazsting my breath?

Perhpas I m posting this here instead of dashing off a text that Ill regret or just push her away

I'd comment on the photo that it doesn't look like a great start but ultimately this holiday will probably make her realise that he is a pain in the arse and she'll dump him. Hope so.

And on the contrary why does she think it’s ok to post pictures like that?

If he is feeling a bit fed up they need to work it out between them and not be posting pics about it

I'd say nothing.2 weeks of that shit and she'll dump him

True. I dont think the photo is appropriate. Makes me think this carry on is t new and she doesn't take it seriously

Difficult to say. Being in a relationship with a moody man is not at all easy and does not get better.

However, if I was feeling tired and not in a great mood for whatever reason, I would be really pissed off if my partner took a pic of me and put it on social media.

@lolaflores If the picture is on social media I wouldn't post a comment on there as it can encourage other people to write negative things which could ultimately upset your daughter. If you're really worried about it maybe send a text. I'd say something like "saw the pic on FB/Instagram etc BF doesn't look overly happy but I'm sure once you guys get to your destination it'll be fabulous!"

I wouldn't want to be negative as I wouldn't want to push her away, by playing devils advocate, when she needs to come to you about his behaviour she will and she'll probably end up realising there's more to life than trying to keep a smile on this fellas face!

I’d not respond to the text at all.

when she’s back would express concern about his sulking - manipulative or draining at best, emotionally abusive.

@lolaflores
I did not read your post properly! Sorry!
I would reply to her she obviously is reaching out to you. Try not to be negative, instead be encouraging towards her. I think she probably needs to hear some positive words. She will come to her own realisation especially over this holiday.

I would probably let her know it’s not acceptable behaviour, but in a lighthearted way. Like ‘what an idiot ’

Thank u all. I felt it was a subliminal message about what he was doing too. She knows I'm not his biggest fan
I held back from comme ring publicly but I will be honest with her if she raises it. He has been an asshole in the past. I do t harp on about it but a leopard changing spots etc.

How old is your daughter?

Shes 26. Hes the same. They live together.

She’s 26, I would just let her get on with it, make her own mistakes and come to her own conclusions.

At 26 she needs to make her own mistakes. Say nothing and be very careful about letting on that you don’t like him, he could end up being your son in law and if you aren’t welcoming to him you’ll end up pushing your dd away.

It's the start of her holiday. She is kinda stuck with him now for the holiday so I wouldn't put even more of a dampener on it.

I feel very cautious about any declarations right ow cos it will be that old song of...oh hes so horrid
Yes. His behaviour isn't good.
2 weeks later
Oh I love him so much Mum, you don't understand what love is..
And so on.
Keep my own counsel till she wishes up. I worry it may take some time for that to conclude and a few more awful holidays.

I'd tell her not to worry about him and make sure she goes and enjoys her holiday she deserves.

I'll skip past his behaviour and focus on her.

She is 21, what exactly does she want you to do? Time to cut the apron strings tbh, and perhaps she should stop taking photos to send them on for ammunition.

Sorry 26*

You mean that no mother and daughter continue to have an emotional relationship past 18?
Really?

I'd leave it

These people saying she shouldn't be sending those photos to her mother; of course she can if she wants to! Should she be keeping shit behaviour secret and trying to manage it herself? We all know where that leads and then we all whine on about women who don't leave. Sounds like she knows things aren't right and is sharing the mental load. They're not married, they don't have kids, this isn't a family unit. If he's regularly behaving like a tool then it's good she's seeking support.