DD1 boyfriends behaviour is a bit worrying

[lolaflores]

DD1 is at the airport with her BF off on hols. She has just posted a pic of him sitting in a corner of departures ignroing her because he is feeling a bit fed up.
Do i just shut up and say nothing?
Tell her I find his behaviour a bit of a worry?
He has form for sulking and some previous that has not impressed me one little bit.
I get the feeling she thihnks he will get better if she just tries hared enough. She works really hard and needs this holiday and he is acting out.
She knows where I stand ...am I wazsting my breath?

She didn’t just send it to her mum. She posted it on social media

I have acknowledged that the social media was not good. And I do think she is saying something with it but what's the best way to support as opposed to going all guns blazing.
I cant make her leave someone or tell her what to do.
Just because shes 26 doesn't mean I dont worry she is in a potentially unhealthy relationship.

I dont want to be in the position of
"Why didnt u tell me he was a twat?" At some point in the future

Oh my mistake. Still think it's ok tbh. Maybe she's just had as much as she can take of his pathetic moody behaviour.

She never usually makes any negative comments about him in anyway. For sometime I've felt it's a front.
However, she was showing me some.pics of her and friends d plus BF out at sk.ething and he was just not engaged in any of them. Looked fucked off all of them. I didnt say anything but it stood out

It must be a big worry. I was in a bad relationship at that age and mum was v stressed. I didn’t listen, but realised eventually, partly after a good friend came to visit and was so appalled by how I was and his behaviour she was in tears about it, asking me to LTB.

Perhaps suggest that your DD tries out the relationships board on MN! Wish I’d had that.

loppytiles did your mum address it with you directly? Was your friends reaction the catalyst

It’s really hard but sometimes people need to make their own mistakes. It’s part of growing up. I think the best you can do is always be there for her. If she talks to you about him sulking then you have a chance to say sulking is very childish behaviour. Ultimately she does need to learn this lesson; unfortunately you can’t be the one to teach her- although you can obviously be steadfast in your support for her and encourage her not to be a people pleaser

It's just nagging away in the back of my mind. I have to resist the urge to make a comment and hope she starts to add up all this stuff and make a decision

Yes she did, told me she was very worried about me, didn’t like my BF’s treatment of me, and to dump him! She’s not the subtle type

Some of it did sink in, she would say it at intervals, suspect she picked moments, didn’t repeat it again and again, so I didn’t reduce contact with her.

The friend was more shocking somehow, because she got so emotional about it which was unusual for her.

I think posting these pics on SM isn’t ideal, it’s a bit attention seeking and basically she’s trying to embarrass him. Would she like it if he done this to her? If the relationship isn’t good only she can make the decision to walk away, she won’t listen to you.

It's difficult, because I can imagine myself in her situation posting to see if others would comment on his behaviour and if nobody did, I'd take it as evidence that it was just me being too sensitive or whatever.

Maybe just a text saying "doesn't look the best start. Hope you have a lovely time once you're there." That says in a low level way that his behaviour isn't great, so she still knows you don't approve, while still being supportive of her.

OTOH, if she knows you don't like him, would she distance herself if you make repeated negative comments about him? You know your DD best.

I do feel for you. Worrying about your kids is constant isn't it. Do you have a close and open relationship with your daughter? I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing your feelings with her but I'd do it very carefully. I think if you're honest and open with her then that will encourage her to do the same with you. She definitely needs to know though that whatever decision she makes she has your full support and understanding.
My mother left when I was young and I wish I'd had a mother figure I could have talked to and learned from.
Most of all I think it's very important not to go in all guns blazing. In my opinion gently does it!