Thoughtless or manipulative?

[Greenfields1]

Hello,
I'd like some advice.
I'm having lots of problems with my bf of four years. I want to settle down and he keeps telling me it'll happen in his own time which upsets me.
We argue and I don't feel listened to.... It's not just about the future.
Everytime I try to tell him I'm upset about the lack of commitment he turns it around and says he's on my side and makes me feel irrational or my opinion isn't valid.

Do you think he's innocently trying to comfort me or I'm worried it's manipulative?!

Or am I over reacting?

@MrMagooooo OP has already described her relationship with him and says he is selfish, Twists her words, invalidates her feelings, and she feels controlled by him - potential abuse.

@Treesthemovie I disagree. I've just read her posts back and she says certain things that she feels / feels like he's behaving.

I personally need the OP to go into more detail. I know it might be difficult but until then I do t know what's happening with the OP and her partner.

Just a few examples are needed. The OP is being very avoidant imo.

I was responding to a previous post .*
*
I think @MrMagooooo makes a good point. Why do you want to get married?

As for Treesthemovie are you can't decipher the difference between an old fashioned saying and literal interpretation, I suggest you say nothing rather than make yourself look more ridiculous.

Maybe he's just immature and doesn't know how to handle conflict or disagreeing rather than anything sinister Umm...he's in his early 40's not 18 so this isn't an excuse. I mean if he is still this way at this age then he is never going to mature...and do you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn't answer your questions and makes you feel like you are 'against them' for daring to ask them?

Also, has he every been married before? Because...bit of a red flag if he's well into his forties and never married don't you think?

As for 'why' you want to marry him...I don't see why you should have to explain or justify that to anyone on here. Bit of an odd, intrusive question for people to be asking tbh.

I friggin wouldn't though xD

@TeaForTheWin Why is it a red flag to be 40 and not married. That has no logic to it whatsoever.

@smallereveryday I think you are the one who sounds ridiculous making a claim that all women who have children outside marriage are "utterly insane". Moronic statement

Did you actually read the post. ? Is it really 'Moronic' to say that having children which someone who is liable for nothing more than CM (good luck with that) .. with who you are utterly financially dependent.. is a smart idea ?
Because it's not.
As I said, own income, not affected by child birth/mat leave/part time reduced owners ..childcare costs. Go for it.

Smaller not everyone has to fit into your narrow worldview, women who choose not to marry regardless of their circumstances are not "insane".