What to do about our living situation?

[TheValleyGirl]

I've put this in relationships, although it does cross over into other topics, as ultimately it's about trying to make the right decision in mine and DP's lives right now.

I am feeling paralysed by a choice I'm trying to make and need some sensible advice. Just to point out my DP is supportive of whatever I choose to do. Ultimately he just wants me to be happy.

Currently we live apart - about two hours' drive from each other - so only see each other at weekends. However, our plan is to be together and start a family at some point - we are both very certain of this and completely on the same page. As we're both 39 we don't have time to hang around so we are keen to get on with it.

I am very keen to move in with him - we have plans to extend his house and can't wait to get going with this, along with our plans for children!

However, I am torn about what to do about my job. It pays pretty well for the role I do and I would have a really good maternity package. Commuting from his wouldn't be an option - about three hours' drive in rush hour - so I'd have to stay where I am in my expensive rented place (which leaves me no spare cash at the end of the month - so I'm pretty much just existing here). My job is fine, but I wouldn't say I love it anymore - I can mostly do it standing on my head - but the people are nice and it's a good company to work for.

I've looked around at other similar jobs near to where my DP lives, signed up with recruitment agencies etc but nothing has come up yet that appeals or I am suited to. I should mention I had a couple of very traumatic years before I met my wonderful DP (my previous DP was incredibly abusive towards me and then took his own life) so I don't cope well in very stressful situations and really just want a job with good work-life balance. In a nutshell, being happy and enjoying my life is the most important thing to me!

My DP agrees with this and has been so encouraging of me - he even said I could just leave my job, move to his (I have to give 2 months notice on my rented place anyhow) and then look for something - he earns enough to support both of us for a while but I am so used to being independent (and in my last relationship I was the only earner for a while) that I am uneasy about this. I am also worried that it is harder to find a job when you're not in one.

So I feel a bit stuck and don't know what to do! Financially I can't carry on living where I am for much longer anyway, to say it's crippling my financially would be an understatement - my ex DP left me in quite a mess unfortunately - so I do need to make a decision one way or another.

[TheValleyGirl]

Yes, we have discussed what we will do about this house. I had a good conversation with him about leaving myself exposed if I move in with him. He completely understands and said he envisaged adding me to the mortgage and deeds, and that we'd get married if we were considering children.

Anyway, one step at a time. Going to start the new job then take it from there.

[TheValleyGirl]

*this house

[TheValleyGirl]

Aaaaaagh! *the house not this house!!

I've not had any caffeine yet this morning!