Help!

[Fuckmyliferightnow]

I just told my partner I don't trust him and don't know if I love him.
He totally lost his shit, got angry, cried, sobbed, just kept talking to me and telling me how I'm making it all up (the cheating) I'm still not 100%, no proof, but a strong gut feeling.
He loves his family, that's all he cares about (us).
I feel so guilty, I just want this feeling to stop. How do I know if I'm doing the right thing.
He said he has to hate me to get through this for now we have to be civil until I realise I've made a mistake and tell him I want to try again.
I have been trying to avoid him lately because we argued and some horrible things were said (he started calling me a miserable cunt).
Help help. I've made a big mistake haven't I?

You can start a claim for universal credit as a single parent if you separate, but are still under the same roof. (Obviously not to be recommended to be separated but under the same roof with a guy like this, but just so you know).

His verbal and emotional abuse are "bad enough" to get in touch with Women's Aid or domestic abuse services.

Does this count for unmarried couples?

Yes, but you'd have to be sleeping separately, not eating together, not doing household chores for each other, separate finances.

Okay thank you. I have no problem stopping cooking for him and doing his laundry

Similar rules here. No shopping/cooking/laundry for each other, no bed sharing. No shared finance, though I think you can split bills like flatmates do. And an extra requirement that your family and friends know you're separated and you must provide 2 references to confirm this. I'm getting some things organised slowly. I'm so sick, if I wasn’t I'd get a job then leave. Good luck FuckmyLife.

Thank you.

You'll get there. I think just having a plan all be it a small, slow one will give you hope and make you feel less trapped.

Just stick your fingers up mentally. I find myself doing this (literally) every time he leaves the room. It helps lol.

Lol, I've done that too. Sometimes not just mentally if there's no kids to see.

Again, this is where getting in touch with WA or your local domestic abuse service is helpful. They will be able to advise you on what you can and can’t claim for, what you need to do in order to do that and they may be able to provide support and supporting letters.

I do think it’s really important that you try.

I am ringing them, I just need to pluck up the courage.
It's also hard because he is being super nice and doing all the jobs, being reasonable and helpful. Also he's all over me, won't leave me alone and is kissing me non stop, it bugs me but at the moment he has an argument as to how he's changed and how hard he's tried.

It fucks with my head.

It's the nice-nasty cycle - he's realised he's pushed it a bit too far so he's sucking you back in with being loving (and a bit creepy to my mind). You know it won't last.

No it won't. Also if I don't reciprocate these loving (constant) hugs and kisses he accuses me of being emotionally dead and not loving or showing him enough attention. I've always found it too much.
I'm trying to squirrel money away.

Today DP is sulking and being passive aggressive with grunts and not being interested. He's acting as if all this is my fault.
He is also depressed.
I've just gone to bed with a tea in the hope he doesn't try and talk to me about how upset he is.

Today I'm feeling anxious to rock the boat, dp is wanting more sex, more kisses, hugs and touching and if I don't respond in a way that he wants me too, he looks fucked off and sulky.

He was huffy tonight as I didn't want sex, we only did it 2 nights ago and I'm due on, he has let me know in a passive way that he's not pleased about it.
We never have sex that often.

He's all over me all the time and I just don't want to be hugged, I need my space more than ever and he needs more reassurance more than ever

Also he has really had to bite his tongue this weekend, he nearly got nasty about some gone off food in the fridge, he realised instantly and changed his tone.
It's starting to slip already.

I have made an effort but there is only so much I'm willing to invest emotionally.

I'm still logging.

Things have calmed right down. Dp is being helpful and generous with occasional sulk here and there.
But today I was filling something up using the outside tap, he was standing over me calmly telling me what to do, when I disagreed with him about it he stood and looked at me, his face went dead pan and he glared at me.
My heart sank, I felt scared so I quickly agreed with him and came away. Now I have anxiety and feel a bit like I want to cry.
He cannot change and the nasty is still there.

Oh and lots of sarky comments too

Logging:

Yesterday made jokey comments about our sex life, making digs about me not being affectionate.
I said "I hope you don't plan on kissing me, I have eaten raw onions" he said "chance'll be a fine thing" and lot of other underhanded comments along this line.

Obviously I was intimate with him so that he would shut up.
He was sulky and "unconfident".

Fishing for more supply!

Lots of passive aggressive, non eye contact sulky behaviour today.

More sulking and arguing, prolonged discussions about him and how he feels.
I'm an evil cow for making him feel like this.

Hi FMLRN. We talked a bit earlier in your thread, just saw you're still posting on it. How are you coping? I hope you're Ok, or well as ok as you can be in this shitty situation.

My DP hasn't been an arse since the last blow up, but I feel completely done. I still love him, NFI why, but I do. And I feel he's broken my heart and I just can't be around him any more. It hurts too much.

@DarkestBeforeTheDawn4
I'm just logging really.
It's been hard and I feel flat all the time, but he's being nice today but very emotional on other days, but emotional about himself.

Have you officially separated?

I think I've realised who he cheated with, (even though he furiously denies it still).
Feeling really deflated again.

Still logging.
I've put up with more miserable behaviour over the last week or two. Yesterday I was spoken to like an idiot, he couldn't be wrong and had to have the last say and twisted it to make me look unreasonable, yet his overreaction was ignored.

Also being impatient and grumpy with dc.