Am I being silly?

[Amyldp]

Hey everyone,

So my sweet baby boy who is 7 months was crying today and I picked him up and was comforting him when my fiance took him off me and cuddled him instead. I asked what he was doing and he said he wanted to cuddle our son.

I feel like he completely disregarded me as a mam and felt like he thinks somehow he trumps me??

Am I making a big deal of this? Should i let it go?

Any replies appreciated,
Amy

Is there a back story? As a one off, I don't think I'd be bothered.

I'm not sure I understand what the problem is with your fiancee cuddling your son? (Presumably his son too?)

Yes it's his son too, but I was comforting my son and he took my son off me so he could cuddle him instead? Didn't say anything just lifted him from me. I felt pretty crap when this happened. If my fiance had been the one to pick up our son I would have never taken him away so I could be the one doing the comforting.

Yes you're being silly.

You are being silly. He was helping

Maybe he thought he was helping?

Have you spoken to him at all about this?

He didn't take him to help, he took him because he wanted to be the one to comfort him and disregarded me.

I asked why and he said it was because he wanted to cuddle our son. I responded that I wouldn't just take our son from him if he was cuddling him, yknow?

I don't know if I'm explaining it right but it wasn't to help me it was because he felt he could just do it.

Is he not allowed to hold his son? Are you not with your son the majority of the time?

Are you thinking he needs permission off you to hold his child?

Yes you're being silly, but that's ok too.

There's been plenty of times DS isn't settling for me so DH will take him off me and have a go too, it's fine.

I'm not sure this is real. If it is, then I'd wonder if you were suffering from a. Mental health condition, anxiety, depression, whatever and needed to see a doctor.

What you describe is perfectly normal. Your reaction to it isn't and is what is the worrying thing here.

I was comforting my son and he took my son off me

He's not just your son though is he? He's also his son and he has every right to cuddle him as much as you.
It's a non issue.

OP have you spoken to your HV about this? Some of your posts give a strong indicator of PND

Windmillwhirl - we both are with our son the majority of the time, my partner works from home.

I'm not saying he needs permission, I'm saying don't take a child away from a mother who is comforting her son just because you want to.

He sees you as a service provider, not Mummy.
This is HIS son.
You wouldn't even just grab your own child off the nanny - you'd say "Oh, I'll take him" - so this gets a big eyebrow raise.

There is inevitably a backstory here.
What is it?

He sees you as a service provider, not Mummy.This is HIS son

Good god. Did you get a kick out of that little bit of nastiness?

I think your thinking is skewed. Who does most the comforting.? Maybe he feels you are always doing it and he wants to be involved.

Reaching for his baby isn't a crime. You could have said, it's OK, I'm fine to do it this time.

This alone is no biggie but like a pp poster said, is there a back story?What is he generally like? Is your relationship good ?

OP, I understand why you feel strongly about this, because I have taken our DC from their father when he was comforting them. Either because I wanted to be the one to do it, or because they weren't settling for him and it was making me upset. It's just our maternal drive kicking in. It makes us possessive and over-protective sometimes, but the thing is, dads have a paternal urge, too. They have to be allowed to react based upon instinct the way that a mother would want to.

My DH once told me that it bothered him when I interrupted his attempt at calming our youngest, so I don't get involved without asking if he wants me to. Problem solved. Likewise, DH can tell when I'm keen to give our (very sensitive) DS a cuddle, and he asks if I want to have a go. Your child is young and you're both keen parents. Unless there is more to this story, I'd say it's actually a good thing. Have a chat with him, and ask him not to do it again without checking with you first, but make sure you're not cutting him out, either.

He didn't give me an option to say I was fine just lifted him from me.

He's quite controlling. Like he decides if our son should have medicine (sometimes I overrule if it's obvious he's hurting from teething more than usual) we are starting to wean our son and he basically decides what we are going to give him. I guess that's a little back story.

People misunderstand me, I don't mind how many cuddles my fiance gives my son but if I'm cuddling him I don't want him taken off me, I don't understand how this has come across as if I'm mentally ill! I was comforting my little boy and he was lifted out of my arms so someone else could do it.

I think you're being a little silly yes. My husband and I swap between us, if he's not calming for me then I would be pleased if DH took over and the same the other way around.

Apart from hiccups like this, we do have a good relationship. We have differences because of our son and he is the breadwinner so he's a little lordy about money but things are good.

I was comforting my son for seconds and he took him. It wasn't because he wasn't settling.

But he is not just "someone else" and it's odd you'd refer to your child's father as such. He has as much right to comfort the child as you do. Clearly you both need to agree though.

If he's controlling then this needs to be addressed. But There is an under tone of possible PND or anxiety in your posts. Have you spoken to a doctor or your health visitor about your feelings?

Quite controlling? Sounds very controlling🚩

Then stand up for yourself and say you are fine to comfort him. You say you didn't get a chance but you did. When he reached for the baby you could have said you are fine this time.

If he is controlling generally then this is just an example of a wider issue you need to address.