Lots of messages a red flag?

[WhoWhooooo]

It's early days (a month) and I get so many messages. It's unusual for a couple of hours to go by without hearing. I like chatting but it is intense, and if I don't reply I usually get others to follow up on the first, sometimes more than one. When we're apart it can start first thing in the morning and the last new chats started as late as 11pm. Some are asking me how the are but some are about inane things too - what did I have for dinner, he needs to buy new furniture what shop do I recommend etc? And asking me - what are you doing right now? Where did you go out? Who with?

I really like him but I've never had this level of contact with someone before, ever. Would this be a red flag?

I wonder if you're right Christmas. There was one day last week when I hadn't heard at all which was so unusual I messaged him, and he didn't even open the message until the next day. I felt really anxious and worried about him that whole time and couldn't really relax until I heard back from him when the many messages started again.

So I feel a bit crazy. I don't like getting so many messages but don't like not getting them either.

This level of anxiety about a relationship is not healthy full stop. Especially one so new.

Maybe that’s all you need to know.

Like others have indicated, it sounds like he might be creating a dynamic. The kind of intense dynamic where, as you say, you get anxious then if you don't hear from him for a day. Is he getting ready to create a rollercoaster of pull and push, drama and so forth?

Also the "needy" thing, what does that even mean? I've never had a new boyfriend say that. Is that code for "not right in the head"?

400 text messages in one week, did you say? Thats over 50 a day, and you've only known him a month. Why does he need to know what you are doing all the time? I like to have my privacy, especially someone I've only known for a few weeks.

Christ if my own husband texted me 50 times a day I'd run a mile. I agree he's setting up a dynamic with you.

This level of anxiety about a relationship is not healthy full stop. Especially one so new.

This exactly.

50 messages a day from a man you’ve known a month !!!!

You have to reply immediately but he doesn’t open your message for 12 hours.

The more you post this worse this gets.

The worst thing is I’m finding now that if he doesn’t message I worry or feel anxious he doesn’t like me anymore

you're becoming dependant on his approval and being conditioned. He maaaaaay not mean to (though he sounds totally overbearing) but the end result is the same: It's not healthy.

step away. Best to do it now.

I think this is concerning. I've been messaging with a guy a LOT recently. Only been on 1 date and meeting him again this week. However, I'm enjoying it cos its the start of getting to know him and its a 2-way thing. He doesn't quiz me about what I'm doing all the time though and he doesn't follow up if I don't reply either.