Lots of messages a red flag?

[WhoWhooooo]

It's early days (a month) and I get so many messages. It's unusual for a couple of hours to go by without hearing. I like chatting but it is intense, and if I don't reply I usually get others to follow up on the first, sometimes more than one. When we're apart it can start first thing in the morning and the last new chats started as late as 11pm. Some are asking me how the are but some are about inane things too - what did I have for dinner, he needs to buy new furniture what shop do I recommend etc? And asking me - what are you doing right now? Where did you go out? Who with?

I really like him but I've never had this level of contact with someone before, ever. Would this be a red flag?

His messages are a manipulative way to constantly have your undivided attention.
Ugh! I would be tempted to write inane 1 line sentences back eg, i have just nose mined a huge bogey..... I find earwigs a little too crunchy..... Etc

His texting behaviour would bug me to the point where i would tell him to stop fuck off and block.

Oops fuck off

It may or may not be a red flag but personally I'd find it very annoying and clingy. I probably wouldn't be pursuing a relationship with a man like that.

Tell him then. Stop texting me all the time you’re getting on my wick. See what he says. Then you’ll know.

Am I being unreasonable?
My boyfriend of 3 and a half years went to a wedding of one of his close friends and never asked me to go with him. Everyone of his friends thinks he is single and he’s not. Or the one or two that may know I exist just think he’s using me just for sex. Also attending the wedding was at least two of his ex girlfriends. I have taken this as that he has me respect for me and just proven to me he does not love me. Does anyone think I am wrong to be so upset he thinks I am totally out of oder for being so upset.

@WhoWhooooo
Please start your own thread.
You will get much support than tagging onto another thread.
But..... His friends are right.
He's using you.
Get rid of him.
He's an asshole!

Sorry new to this can’t find how to do that🤦🏼‍♀️

At the very least, I'd put my phone on silent when at work (except maybe at lunchtime), and then not take it to bed. That way he can't interrupt you.

But he is trying to control you - the 'needy' thing is definitely trying to make you make allowances for him, and when he ramps up the 'neediness' (i.e. endless monitoring of you), he will come out with 'but I told you I was needy right at the start!'

The abusive ex started like this.

@stephaniesc382 Go back to the Relationships page, and click at the bottom, where it says 'start a new thread in this topic'

It can be fun and exciting at first if you are into the person but it’s unsustainable. When your eyes roll at another message, it’s a problem.

I think follow up texts if you haven't replied are a big red flag (and ignore the first poster, I've spent a while on the dating thread and that's a big no no there too).

I feel like if this keeps up we’ll run out of things to talk about. I’ve only got so much witty banter

mother yeah one time I didn’t reply on messenger and an hour passed and he texted me

Tell him work are clamping down on phone usage, and see how that goes down.

I think if there is a problem on the horizon it won't take long to rear its ugly head; either him being hurt, silent, passive aggressive or something.

Depends .... in the first few weeks, I think it’s normal. At least for me. All exciting and thinking about each other all the time. So texting/calling all the time. At the start of a relationship, you can’t get enough of each other for the first few months. Then it calms down ..... but the first mad rush bit is exciting!
But .... if he’s whinny, difficult or angry if you don’t text back straight away then bin immediately - big red flags

I'd find that worryingly suffocating and a bit of a red flag. I'd reply that you're really busy and then not respond for a few hours. Wean him off the expectation that he will get an instant reply. If he ups his campaign to make you reply I'd have had enough. You do sound as though it's irritating you and you're getting fed up of him, quite understandable really!

This would do my nut in. But then I have a friend who would LOVE this. Different strokes. I wouldn't date anyone that did this - doesn't he have a life?

Needy just means overbearing and controlling. I think it's a massive red flag, I'd run a mile from anyone this intense.

Run for your life. Anyone who describes themselves as needy should be avoided like black death.

At some point just say nite nite or whatever and turn your phone off.

I had a guy I was seeing do this, many messages, all the time even without a reply. The messages were always inane shite, so fucking boring, he was a bit of a nutter tbh (not just for this)

Yeah I do tend to say ‘goodnight’ etc. Once though he ignored it and kept messaging

He’s such a gentleman otherwise though. Funny, charming etc. But I looked at my iPhone weekly report and there were over 400 messages, most from him.

Hmmm.

The worst thing is I’m finding now that if he doesn’t message I worry or feel anxious he doesn’t like me anymore. And I’m always half waiting for my phone to beep do carrying it around with me/checking it more than usual. I don’t like that either.

Tell him everything you said here and see his response.

"The worst thing is I’m finding now that if he doesn’t message I worry or feel anxious he doesn’t like me anymore. And I’m always half waiting for my phone to beep do carrying it around with me/checking it more than usual. I don’t like that either."

This is part of what will develop into abuse. He is 'training' you into accepting and expecting this level of attention - and he will then use the dropping off of attention as a control tactic. Eventually going to the full-on silent treatment.

When you then contact him to find out what you have done wrong, he'll make out you are crazy and needy.

Ooooh, he's bad news alright.