A cautionary note re WA?

[Pikapikachooo]

Have name changed ! Have issues with EA partner . But no violence, and nothing physical
But nonetheless an issue that needs addressing , and I am not brushing it under carpet

So called WA
They gave me a Local number
Called them and as was upset poured
My heart out . Treated it like I would a therapist . Was very open

Now have been referred to SS

So we need help . But SS ? Who wants SS involvement , especially when you don’t know what they have been told . And what they will tell other parties ?

I can’t fucking sleep for worrying

Feel so fucking stupid

Not sure if this is useful feedback

Or not

But honestly I wish I had handled it differently

Imagine you vent to your therapist and then find out they have reported your family for ‘safeguarding ‘ . So fucking stupid I feel

They must have concerns for your DC welfare to have reported this.
What do you mean by EA?
What does he do?
Because that will impact your DC.
Authorities now consider it abuse of the DC to have abuse within the household even if it is not directed at them.
You need to protect your DC for any form abuse.
You need them to be happy and safe in their own home.
Do they feel this?
Or do they feel threatened?

Sometimes they do
Sometimes they don’t
Which is why I called

But for advice

Who wants SS involvement and the shit it brings

Feel so scared

If the children feel threatened 'sometimes' then it is a safeguarding issue.

You are not protecting them, are you? SS will HELP you make a safe home for them. Please don't fear - if you can show that you are taking active steps to safeguard your children then they will help you. Ringing WA was the first step on that safeguarding journey.

Remember - it isn't SS bringing the shit. It is your partner.

My situation was similar.
Police and WA involved, who in turn got SS involved, who actually, were absolutely wonderful. Gave me a lot of information and words of advice, nothing threatening or upsetting for me to worry about, just making sure we have the leave of help And protection me and the children needed.
I’m sure you will find them the same.

I can’t see the wood for the trees

Have not slept for what feels like a week

So also shouting as feel so fucking stressed which worries me more

I know I know . Feel like I have pressed the nuclear button and waiting for the toxins to fall on me

While there are many privileged conversations, with lawyers, doctors, therapists etc. safeguarding issues must always be reported

Sorry you're going through this OP, but it is the right thing - it doesn't just affect you, and it can't wait until you're ready.

Sorry . Can’t tell people in RL and tired and not my usual coherent self

I hope they help us and him

Am catastophisjng and feel like a traitor

To be honest, I think a therapist would contact social services if they had reason to believe there were safeguarding issues. Everyone - a therapist, Women's Aid, SS - will prioritise the children's needs over the parents preferences about having the authorities involved. As others have said, you really need to work with them to show that you are doing that too. It may feel scary, but if you engage with them it shouldn't be - they are there to help.

Try to see this as a supportive measure rather than a condemnation.

Do you want to separate from your abusive partner?

If so, the LA can provide a support network for you to achieve this. They can provide practical and emotional support.

Haffiana is right. This is a safeguarding issue and WA believe that the children are not currently being safeguarded from the emotional abuse and its impact. But they will help you to do that.

The only time you need worry is if you prioritise your relationship and your partner's feelings over the safety and wellbeing of your children.

In that instance, the LA will act to protect the children.

But I'm sure that's not what you're intending to do. So nothing to worry about.

We had very brief SS involvement several years ago because of my mother. The LA contacted me to make me aware and a SW came to visit. They felt that my mother was a risk to the children. I agreed. As this was at the Initial Assessment stage (which is all you will be at if the LA decide to act on the referral), they asked me what I intended to do in order to safeguard my children, now that I knew what I knew.

I told them that I would be cutting contact with her immediately and that the children would have neither direct nor indirect contact with her. They were satisfied and closed the case. We haven't seen my mother since.

That was 8 years ago now.

I'm sorry that this has worried you so much, but anyone with safeguarding concerns would have had to report this. A doctor; your therapist, a teacher, anyone. It shows how serious this is, and you being concerned about being a "traitor" shows how undermined he's already made you.

You've done the right thing. I had a lot of SS intervention as a kid and they were generally good people, I'm glad they were there.

Can you sleep? Is there anyone who could help you today so you can get your mind together a bit?

This is a good thing for your children. They deserve a home that they don't feel threatened in. So do you. Hold on to that thought.

You said you need help, you're going to get it. It's a good result.

Hi OP,
My mum worked for social services for 30 years.

They are not out to trick you or steal your kids. They are there to make sure you and particularly your children are safe. They can help you with your options, support you if you leave and need to ensure contact for your kids with your partner is safe and advise you as to your legal rights and obligations.

View them as a resource and a source of support. Not the enemy.

Needing SS support is nothing to be ashamed of. They are there to help.

Hope you get the help you need xx

If you call an organisation like WA they have a statutory duty to report to ss if they believe you or your kids are at risk. I'm under the same duties here - and yes I've reported people because I have a duty of care to put welfare first over feelings

Just to give you some perspective, I had EXACTLY the same experience twice over where I've caused the involvement or at least felt I've caused it by being open and honest. The difference was there was violence and threats to kill. I kicked myself and felt anxious and couldn't believe I was going through the shit when I was the victim.
HOWEVER each time, the social workers have been fantastic. I'm ashamed to say I broke my word and kept contact with dad as found it all so so hard. I still didn't lose my kids, wasn't even close. The bar really is high to have children removed. Social workers are absolutely not the child snatchers
You do however need to work with them and prove you're safeguarding your kids as as a PP said, it's considered abusive for a child to be in a home where there is any form of domestic violence.
Cooperate, be honest and it'll all be a distant memory very soon though I understand completely why you feel the way you do x

Think of it as a catalyst for change op rather than a child snatching exercise.

You are all right
Thanks

I know that . And I know I had to do something
But his reaction won’t be great and I absolutely dread it

Worry worry worry

Opposed, you are one step closer to a better life. The sort of life you and your DC deserve. Don't be afraid, take the help that is offered.

Sorry, OP, not opposed!

Omg! I can feel your worry through your post! I can feel why you worry that he'll find out! I am so sorry you rang them, I have no suggestions to you but maybe facing up to it before they turn up is the best bet as long as he isn't physically abusive! Or I dont know if that is right, I worry for you!

Yes, a therapist would have to inform SS if there were safeguarding concerns. Whenever I've had therapy for my traumatic childhood, the therapist has made that clear. That would be true for any professional.

You're getting help now and that's good. It's understandable that you're anxious, though, OP.

I did have a therapist who said it actually
But about me ! As I told her I lost it with them once (kids) . It’s such a tense atmosphere all the time . Unlike him however I own it when I am angry , get therapy , and go on anger courses . I confess when I do wrong and try to make amends

I am very scared that I won’t be able to
Control my kids without him around . My elder is very troubled.

That said he shouted just now in earshot of them . Nice

Wishing you the best of luck op. I recently left an abusive relationship with a child involved. Things are improving. SS fantastic.

@Lovethetimeyouhave your post is not helpful at all.

As has been said, WA takes confidentiality extremely seriously and would only raise a concern with SS if there were significant safeguarding concerns. Same as if you were to call NSPCC, see a solicitor or speak to any therapist. It does have to be a significant concern, too. They don't want to put you at any risk and will be aware of how perpetrators are if they know you've spoken out. I'm sure SS will help you. If you're worried for your safety remember a refuge can be a temporary solution to keep you and the kids safe.

Love, your eldest is likely troubled because of your abusive partner and the home environment they're in. Getting help and support from the social services is a step in the right direction. It won't work miracles on their behaviour, but your abusive dh controlling them through fear is going to do them far more damage long-term.

I've been in a very similar situation to you in January. I took the support they offered, they put me in touch with a DV intervention service and my case was discussed with the authorities. I decided it was best to leave and go to a refuge and have been there since March with my two kids. It's not been easy, but I am getting there slowly. Feel free to message me.