Struggling to cope.

[Greatnessfromsmallbeginnings]

It is now half way through month two since my partner of 13years left me and my twin 4 year olds because apparently he never wanted this life but it just screams other woman to me.

I am not coping at all. I've done all the wrong things. The begging. The anger. The insults and then the begging again. Not proud of myself at all. So we are not even talking at all anymore which is probably for the best.

However despite him being so horrible to me I can not detach. I am in such a horrible place and not allowing myself to feel better.

I dont know how to break the cycle and move on. I'm so distressed and I have no idea how to stop torturing myself.

If any of this makes sense you anyone please please some advice or similar stories!!

My head wants me to move on but my stress levels dont.

You’re definitely doing the right thing in going no contact, it’s harder initially but easier in the long run.

Who’s house is it? Are you on the tenancy/mortgage? What sort of person makes not only his partner homeless but his 2 children? He is utterly despicable.

Update:

Reached out and he refused to speak to us. Says he hates me and is seeing someone else.

I am blindsided with pain. I dont even know how to move forward. Feel like I might just die here on the spot. How can someone be so cruel.

Terribly sick also which doesnt help. All that stress has lowered my immune system I think. I never saw any of this coming. How stupid must I have been..

It sounds like you are best of rid of him.

Oh you poor love ! I really feel for you. There is nothing that will get rid of the pain unfortunately other than time.

I was in a similar situation, I am very happy now with a husband and 3 lovely dc. There is hope but for now grieve what you had

Thank you all. I'm finding it is helping a lot getting all of this off my chest and hearing what people think.

I feel even worse because I was so very horrible to him just now as a reaction to the rejection.

I cant understand why I still want him back. I dont do drugs but i am starting to think of heartache as like a drug withdrawal. Keep wanting it back and a fix and just like drugs cold Turkey is the only way out.

I wish I had a magic ball into the future because I cant imagine feeling happy again or getting another man. 28 with 2 kids and no prospects.

Total overthinker which may be my problem.

Looking forward to the day I pull my big girl pants up and just get on with it.

I know what's the best thing to do. No contact. It just hurts like hell. They need a pill for this !

I remember thinking “I’d be ok if I knew he’d want me again in the future”, I cringe now at how bad I was, I did the pick me dance, crying, screaming, everything, the only thing that did was lower my already shattered self esteem. Once I went no contact, my mental health started to improve. After a couple of years he tried to get back with me but there was no way I was going to to do that.
It’s going to be shit now and probably for the next few months but you WILL get through it but please try to go no or at least very low contact with him.

Thank you. That's basically me too. I am so embarrassed by the way I behaved which only in a way validated him for what he did. He is now more determined than ever to move on and I keep thinking if only i didnt say this or so that but really this is his problem not mine. I have to keep reminding myself that he made me and our girls homeless. I've also thought the whole he will want me back in a few months nonsense. I will persevere with the no contact. I've been drastic and deleted his number now so I cant msg him if I wanted to. I cant believe how many women have to deal this this. It gives me hope really.

It's like 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce now. It should almost be on the high school syllabus.

I never even considered this being me.

Ranting sorry!

Hugs, lying not sleeping as usual because h is two rooms away wanting a divorce. It's so hard. You are not alone!

I am so sorry you are going through this too. Really. Its f'n horrible and I know I've been made homeless by him but in a way it's easier than seeing him every day. I know I'm on here begging for some help with my hurt but if you can dont let him see you hurt. It validates them. I didnt take any of this advice myself and I'm worse off for it.

Part of me feels so bad because of the way I pushed him further away (nonsense I know) because nobody deserves to be treated the way I was. I suppose what i am trying to say is control yourself. Dont let him see you cant cope. Let him realise that you aren't there for him anymore. I dont know your personal situation but if hes decided he doesnt want the marriage anymore. Let him have a taste of that.

Been there and it's horrible. I went on anti depressants pretty much straight away which numbed my emotions until I had a new routine and was in a position to deal with them. Then I did about 6 months of therapy. It took me that time to realise that I had had a lucky escape and deserves so much more. Met new partner after about 8-9 months and couldn't be happier. It all happened for a reason.

Is he named on the birth certificate? If so get to CMS sharp. He may not want to be with your family anymore but he still has to pay to support your children. Why do men just get to abandon people and move on? It's infuriating.

I also did all the wrong things but on reflection I am glad I did as it brought out who he really was earlier for the whole world to see! He is clearly an idiot and you are far far better off without (but it will take a while to realise this). Get him paying child support ASAP. 28 is young, you have plenty of time in the tank.

Good advice here but i would add what really helped me get strong was counselling where i found me again . Also dont let him dictate how it is take charge

It is infuriating. You cant or shouldn't just abandon your 4 year old twins. Maintenence says he has to pay 1200 a month and he is not happy. Told me he will leave the country so it really does show me how big a bullet I dodged. His children suffering doesnt motivate him but his wallet does. I suppose I shouldn't be worried about finding anyone else atm but its more the thoughts of who wants someone with 2 kids.. probably the pain talking. He thinks he is like a rockstar and will get a 10/10 woman now.. which makes me feel better because he will soon realise how shallow that is. Atleast the girls are only 4. They barely notice he is gone.

You have every right to be angry. Don;t beat yourself up about that. You are worth more than this man, what he has done is awful.

And yes he should pay the maintenance, and you should get universal credit and maintenance is not included in that.

If you had any domestic violence, there is a new thing this week about people being housed...maybe others know more about this.

i hope you can move on and realise you are so much better than this man, you deserve better. I bet, he did not help much with the twins as babies either. Well now they are older and more independent and you can get your life back a bit.- and they will not have to grow up to witness his nasty nature which is a bonus!

I’m so sincerely sorry for you and the situation you have been left in .
PLEASE stop criticising yourself for ANYTHING you are doing and have done ..
these are normal emotional reactions to dreadful cruel and heartless treatment you have received.

That shows you are human and have a heart unlike him ..
you are strong and will get through this eventually...
come on here as often as you need ...many kincand wise women have walked this painful path and will be only too glad to listen and help ...

Make sure you go for CMS immediately... don’t be tempted to arrange anything with him privately..
He has shown you who and what he is .. pay heed ... treat him as a business transaction for your family now .
He must pay for your twins don’t feel guilty when he mains about finances - his problem- your focus is bringing up your children ..

Good luck .. you are young and have dodged a bullet ... in time you will have the best life with your little family x

You've been with him since you were 15? So this is your first big heartbreak?
Oooh,those ARE tough,even without your circumstances ( young children, the shock of it).
I promise, you will get over it. For now focus on the things that are positive ( your girls, you have a place to stay. )
Each night,think about the things you are grateful for. Each morning, tell yourself how lucky you are to..... ( insert one thing, no matter how small).

You are young, you will find someone else if that is what you want
😊

Thanks everyone.

The situation has got really abusive. His whole family have blocked me and he has just disappeared. I didnt do a thing to this man and he told me he loved me right up until the last day. All lies.

My dad cant cope with us here so I have to go plead homeless Friday in Ireland where I was born. It's just going from bad to worse.

Lost my home my partner and I have 0 support and I didn't work for years to support him and his kids and hes done me like this.

Totally drowning.

Oh my gosh him and his family sound absolutely horrendous!! They are missing out on their daughters, nieces and granddaughters but just let them. Main thing is to ensure you get your 1200 per month from him starting now. That will enable you to put a deposit down on a rental flat and pay rent (not sure where you live but even in London you can get good deals on the outskirts). Then I would go straight to the GP and explain how you are feeling and ask what they recommend.
Why was it that you had to move out of where you lived before? He can't actually throw you out- is he still living there now?

Yeah I cant actually believe how they are all behaving.

We rented our previous place and he paid and I stayed at home. He basically said dont come back and in heid sight I probably should have just turned up at the time but now that ship has sailed. Hes taken me off the lease also.

I cant believe how someone who I loved for so long did this. It just makes me realise I cant possibly know the truth of the situation.

I will see the GP. I will try anything that may help at this stage.

I'm slowly starting to remove my rose coloured glasses and see how difficult he was in the relationship was. Maybe this is a blessing.

Write down all the horrible things about him to remind yourself. Keep the list safe for if you ever feel yourself wavering.

One day at a time. Have you any friends to offer a shoulder to cry on (and to share a bottle of wine)?