Thank you to whoever takes the time to read this and respond. It's something I can speak to no one about in real life.
I have been with my partner for 9 years, we have a house /mortgage together and are about to get married in a matter of weeks.
We have been together since we were teens, and were each others first real relationship. I can honestly say I can't imagine life without him, but I am having doubts on whether i am IN love with him. I don't know if this is just how it feels to be with someone as long as we have, many people marry while still in the honeymoon faze after 2-3 years, that phase has long long passed for us.
While I definitely care for him, some days I feel I don't like him. I suspect he has some sort of OCD or perhaps something more serious. He panics if I spill something, or put something in the 'wrong' place. He will start screaming and freaking out about it. I am tired of it.
He also spends every evening and weekend in his computer room, playing games on the xbox. He also sleeps in there - we are sleeping separately due to disturbing each other with snoring /restlessness in the night. He never wants to go out unless we are going to the supermarket, or to eat, he hates going out for walks or days out.
He has also gained a lot of weight, and eats rubbish. He won't eat fruit or beg, all he will eat is cereal, junk food, and takeaways.
This sounds petty I know, but there are much deeper issues. We rarely have sex, perhaps once every 6 weeks and it's becoming more and more infrequent. When we do he quickly becomes a sweaty and tired mess so we have to stop. He hasn't ejaculated with me in maybe two years. I am 99% he watches porn when he gets home from work (an hour before me). But he never wants to do anything with me.
SO I don't see children in my future with him, I don't think he would even be able to perform the necessary deed to do so! When we boight the house we said the second room would be the baby's room, but now it's become his games room. I suspect he doesn't want kids but when I ask he says he does 'one day', then gets angry when I ask how that will be possible if he can't ejaculate.
But at this point I have little option but to carry on the way it is - there are so many complications here. I cannot call off the wedding, and I can't sell the house - I cannot even afford to survive on my own, being on just an average income. I have asked him to go to the dr and seek help for his sexual problems, snoring, and possible OCD but he won't. When I tell him I'm unhappy he just gets angry and says he doesn't care. Sometimes I feel my only option is to run away abroad or something! I don't even have any friends IRL. That's why I'm here.