MIL horror stories

[MILfromHELLL]

Having got a difficult MIL and reading recent threads about MILs from Hell, I just wondered if anyone wanted to share their horror stories? A good vent is cathartic, I find. And reading the most recent MIL thread, I recognised my own MIL in a lot of those posts.

One thing I did find was it's nice to know other people have similar situations and that it's not just me whose MIL doesn't seem to like me!

Hmmm... and how much per word is the daily mail paying you?

Gonna have to try harder than that chicken!

Well it was a genuine question as I have posted about my MIL before. But whatever...

My MIL was really nice to me when I first got with my partner. I was his first partner and I think she thought we were going to break up, but when we continued to get more serious and he began spending more and more time with me, her attitude changed. She absolutely hated him spending time with me, every time she would with me she would try and guilt trip him into coming home or would make sly comments when he got home from being with me. I continued to try and make an effort with her but sometimes I would go and would get grunted at or would basically get ignored, with nobody saying hello (including his siblings).

Several months later I didn't want to go any more as I was sick of the rudeness, paired with the fact that I spent the last of my money buying a birthday present for her as I wanted her to like me that much (I was in a low paid job with an expensive mortgage at the time) and she didn't even say thank you, just made a comment to my boyfriend that I could have at least brought it to give her myself, as his sisters boyfriend did (I hadn't brought it as I was working a very long shift on her birthday, so my boyfriend took it to give to her).

My boyfriend spoke to her about it and she just went absolutely mental, kicked him out and the whole family turned against him. They're all terrified to challenge her, I think she was shocked that my boyfriend had stood up to her as nobody ever had. I started receiving abuse from the whole family for purposely breaking the family apart (as my boyfriend had sided with me), I had some horrific comments made about both me and my family who they had never even met. She essentially blamed me as my boyfriend was working long hours then coming to my house, so he wasn't spending much time with her. She was angry whenever he spent money on me or took me out, as she said he could have taken her out instead. Some of the things said about me behind my back were vile considering I didn't know some of the family that well.

The worst part was that she is really nice to all of his siblings partners. I think it was because my boyfriend was always the golden child and probably the closest to her. I've not seen her for a while (we moved abroad) and I don't think I have any intention of seeing her, depending on if she visits again (I was away on a work trip last time she visited, I travel a lot for my job). My boyfriend is essentially low contact with his family, entirely his choice as to be honest they've treated him awfully since all this has happened too. It was something so unnecessary but entirely fuelled from jealousy.

Forgot to add, I am also pregnant with my first child, so we will see what happens when the grandkids come along!

I had a thread here at Christmas about my MiL. That visit was the cherry on the cake for me and I have seen her only briefly twice since. I don't answer the phone to her and refuse to stay in her house. She was rude and took over my home. I felt claustrophobic and then she announced she was staying until the end of the school holidays. She went home a day or so after that announcement!

My DH's niece gets married later this year and when the invites went out MiL phoned DH to say that he could take her!! He doesn't want to go but feels obliged as it's his niece. Sadly I can't make it as the wedding is a weekday and work commitments mean it's impossible.

My mother in law is a human being

I treat her with respect with the hope that she does the same to me and isn't writing threads on gransnet how awful her daughter in law is

Sorry OP this is a nasty idea for a thread.
Maybe you will be a MIL one day. It usually takes two to form a poor relationship.

My MIL was lovely to me at first. I can't pinpoint when it changed. She can barely speak to me now. My DH is aware of what she's like and he's dumbfounded by her manner to me. I feel sorry for him because he is in the middle of it. My family absolutely love him though. He's said he feels more comfortable with my family than his own. It's sad. I am gutted that me and MIL don't have relationship I wanted sand hoped for. It really gutted me for a long time.

I take on board the comment that it takes two people to have a relationship, but do you apply that comment to every situation; domestic violence, workplace bullying for example?

It only takes one negative person to change the dynamics of a relationship and when you are a DIL who is trying really hard for the sake of the man you love and respect but you get nothing but nastiness back, why shouldn't you seek some comfort in the fact that plenty of other Mumsnetters are going through the same thing?

I think asking for help for a particular situation is one thing - perhaps if there is a visit or an event or there has been a misunderstanding - and then folks can give suggestions on how to get through it or fix it or remedy it - however asking in general for stories is probably not constructive

You're asking people to come on here to slag others off behind their back....says quite a lot about you.

Promoting old fashioned stereotypes like this is a seriously binary way of thinking you know.
How about a bit of intelligent debate that's neither sexist nor offensive to poorly represented social groups/older women?

Yes I have expressly said "please come and slag off your mother in law"

Don't be a melt. I said I found it reassuring to know that I wasn't the only one with difficult MIL. Don't twist what I said or deliberately misconstrue my intentions.

And you know nothing about me whatsoever so I don't appreciate your comment that "it says a lot about you". Your bitchy comment tells me exactly what you are.

You haven’t actually explained what it is about your MIL that you have a problem with. That’s probably why people think you are a journo. I’m an ex journo. You sound like a journo. But let me know if I’m wrong.

You're asking people to share horror stories about their MILs. In what way is that not bitchy in itself? How can sharing a horror story about someone behind their back, where they can't defend or explain themselves, not just nasty?

Some people are nice. Some people aren’t. This applies to everyone, including mils and dils. Two people can both be perfectly nice but not like each other. You don’t have to like your mil and she doesn’t have to like you- the chances of really liking another random woman of different generations, possibly different backgrounds, education, political beliefs , likes, tastes and interests are incredibly remote. So you should both aim for cordiality and politeness. Her primary relationship is with her son and her grandchildren- they are they ones with the shared history and the vested interest in maintaining relationships. Be polite and friendly and let them get on with it.

The thing is, if you had come along and shared a story and asked for help, you would have got dozens and dozens of stories and lots of sympathy. But just asking for it is not the done thing. Evidently.

@Bellendejour I'm not a journo. I have posted about my MIL before. I was reading another MIL post yesterday with about 400 replies, and some of the comments resonated with me. I don't want to post my situation again tbh because some of the comments I got were unhelpful, quite rude and some of them were pretty nasty, much like the negative ones that the young lady received on the post I mentioned received yesterday.

As for the comment about stereotypes and older women etc; I'm not doing anything of the sort. My original post some time ago talked about how gutted I was for the relationship with my MIL to basically be shit, I received comments that I was a desperado that tried too hard, that no wonder my MiL doesn't like me because I must be needy/a try-hard/irritating.

You can't win on Mumsnet. If you are nice, you are an irritating try-hard. If you say you have a shit relationship with your MiL and are interested to hear about others difficult relationships, you're a bitch who is clearly picking on your MIL.

OP you only have to do a search on here to find a lot of the type of MIL stories you are looking for. MIL bashing is a blood sport on MN.

Op, your op is in poor taste.

My MIL is awful. However, she is my childrens Grandma, a mother to other adults and at best, mentally unwell. You may never change her behaviour, but you are in control of your reactions to her.

Do you think you're behaving any differently to her right now, however frustrated you may feel?

"Don't be a melt"

Easily amused, sorry!

She sounds like a bit of a horror. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to talk about it- the relationship between a DIL and MIL seems all-consuming when it's not going well. It doesn't make you some fossil from a 1970s comedy routine to be interested in exploring those particular family dynamics.

I got on great with my mil for the first 5 years of my relationship with my dh, it all changed when my dc was born 1st grandchild and then her daughter had a dc in the same year 2nd grandchild. The comparisons being made between the children put a massive strain on all our relationships with each other and as her and sil got closer, she and I got further apart. It's now apparent that we can't stand each other and are civil for the families sake. It's draining and also sad as I did really like her until she turned on me as my own mother died when I was a teenager.

Thanks to the PPs with constructive answers. A few months ago, it was a,l consuming and it did result in a lot of rows between me and my DH - although he is aware of how she is and has admitted some of the things she has done/said that have been directed at me have been out of order. But it's his mum at the end if the day and I have said to him repeatedly that I respect that, and I don't dislike her per se, more about disliking what she does. I do find it very hard to like her though.

Like I said, me and DH have a lovely relationship and now I have accepted that his mum is never going to be a fan of mine for reasons only she knows, this does rear its ugly head at times. For example on Friday when we were chatting and something about his family came up and he said out of the blue really as it wasn't exactly in context when we were talking about his family "I know you hate my mum" which is exactly what the young lady yesterday said her partner has said to her.

I don't hate his mum at all. I hate how she makes me feel and I hate some of the things she has done. And I hate myself for allowing her to belittle me at times.

I suppose I was hoping for too much on here for people to share their experiences and not be all bitchy/take offence. Some of the responses to the young lady yesterday was to end her very positive relationship, just cos the guy's mum is a bitch, and the bf hasn't stood up to his mum. How ridiculous. It's his mum! This is why the relationship is so difficult, because it's the man you love's mum. If only it were that simple to love your MIL or if not, just end your happy relationship and find a man with a mum who does like you!

OP's post was anonymous - if her MIL can recognise herself then that speaks volumes. If she can't then she is unharmed. Better to vent here than to the family.
And why do some people have this obsession with the Daily Mail? Who reads it? Who cares?
And whilst there are always two sides to every story that does not mean they are both equally fair or kind. Stereotypes are sometimes stereotypes because they highlight a general trend. For example, people seeking any excuse to troll tend to appear on multiple threads doing so

It is so awkward when you don't get on with your DH mother. I wanted to like her , but just couldn't as we had huge issues.
I actually encouraged my husband to move country to get away from her.

But as his mother and grandmother to my DCs, I tried to stay civil and polite.And when they were younger, organised cards, presents, photos , etc. But avoided any phone calls,etc
Not sorry when she died . But remained respectful and did the right thing 're, funeral. So glad I no longer have to deal with her.