Lazy boyfriend is driving me mad!?

[Germanshepherdlover]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years, we have a 4 year old together, but he's so lazy!! He doesn't clean, unless I ask him to, He will let the house stink before he cleans, I do 80% of the cleaning, he doesnt work, I've told him multiple times to get a job, I'm sick of us having no money, he doesn't want me to work or go back to college, if I tell him I've applied for college, he will make me feel uncomfortable.. he barely plays with our daughter, he never takes her out, I want him to have father, daughter days but I have to ask, he sees playing with our daughter as a chore, if I ask him to bath her, he complains and he doesn't bath for days on end sometimes, I'm at the end of my tether with him but I'm scared of being alone. At this point in my life, I'm done, I want better for myself and child but I'm feeling stuck and scared. What do I do?

So he's unemployed and doesn't want you to work as he'll have to do childcare? What do you live off?

How are you living? What kind of example is this for your child? Get out and get a job. Are you in a council house? Can you apply to them for your own place? Move on with your parents for a while? A friend? Being scared is normal but you really have to stand up for yourself.

If the only thing stopping you is being scared, you could go to your GP and ask for a few counselling sessions to unpick this and hopefully give you the courage to go it alone.

Or this thread might do it for you .

Can you break down what it is exactly that you are worried about?

(Because anyone reading your post is going to see very clearly that life will be so much easier and more pleasant without him.)

We live on benefits as of now, but we cant afford anything, and he expects me to pay for his gaming habits as well, he goes on his computer from 4pm all the way through to 3am. I'm fed up.

OMG, get out now! This is no life, and a shit example for your child.

I would imagine you are already very lonely in this relationship as you are with someone who doesn’t love you or your child enough to share the load with you.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp

Leave him

Can you think of one single thing he does to support you or your child? He doesn’t provide for you financially. He doesn’t help around the home. You have to force him to act like a father. He tries to hold you back when you’re trying to advance yourself. He can’t even be bothered to wash himself so that the two of you can have a good, close relationship.

Why are you scared about being on your own? You’re already coping on your own.

He's also currently in bed right now, and he will be there until 2pm, he had done this for the past 3 years, so I spent most my time alone. 😭

He's a complete waste of space! When you say your scared of being alone what do you mean exactly? Scared of coping as a single mum? Scared of not having a partner? Scared that you will not meet someone else? Tbh I can't see what he adds to your life so you'd be better off without him. Plus this is a terrible example to set to your DD.

The whole idea of being a single mum makes me cry, I've been trying to keep my family together for my child, but I'm suffering, I've told him so many times to change, and he hasn't.
I dont know even know why I'm scared, I just get anxiety when I think about leaving him

How old are you OP? What are you qualified for jobs wise? Let's help sort you a new life

You'd be better off with a cardboard cut-out of a partner than this dreadful, dreadful person who sucks the very life out of absolutely everything.

What makes you so dependent and passive op? Where did you learn you have no power to make choices in your life? You want him to change but it's you who needs to change, to take up the reigns of your life and protect your child from this total deadbeat.

Find out what's behind your fear and terror of being 'alone' - tho you simply couldn't be more alone than you are now.

This is no way to live. What a waste of space.

Sorry if this is harsh OP, but he’s done virtually nothing to contribute to you and your child’s lives shortly after she arrived.
You are now accustomed to doing most things for him. Consider that every bit of effort you waste on him could have been spent on yourself or your child, and every bit of energy spent on resentment, disappointment and worry regarding him could have been channeled towards doing something you feel is useful, productive and contributes to your future. He is taking happiness, time, money, energy and hope away from you and you are certainly more than able to do this alone seeing how useless he has been for ages. It’s different from the sudden loss of a partner who has been contributing to the family. You have strength and fortitude to do it by yourself, you will inspire yourself!!!! Good luck, provide more details of your skills / support network / qualifications and the wise MN ladies will suggest ways to get around this huge human waste of space.

Why would he change?

You are already a single Mum,
Kick his lazy arse out,

But in this situation I do think that staying together for the child is not what's best for the child. What is better for her? Growing up living with a deadbeat dad who is uninterested in her and has no respect for her mum who she watches being treated like a doormat every day? Or growing up with a deadbeat dad who she hardly sees and has little to do with her but she knows that her mum didn't put up with it and watches with admiration at how strong and independent her mother is every day? Who do you want to be her role model? How high do you want her standards to be set?

The whole idea of being a single mum makes me cry, I've been trying to keep my family together for my child Stop it. Just stop trying to fix something which is beyond repair and start building a decent life for you and your baby. She’ll thank you when she’s older.

You’re already alone, but with none of the perks of being alone.

Make a break for it, it sounds like a dreadful way to live.

The good news is you don't have to keep your 'family' together these days. Single parents no longer get sent to the workhouse. Fuck him off. You will thrive. Especially if you get yourself to college and can find a way to earn a living wage.

you're already living like a single mum in most respects and doing it alone.
At least you won't have him draining your energy and resources if you leave him.

If you left him you’d have more money as you wouldn’t be paying for his stupid hobby or games and you’d only have yourself and your daughter to clean up after. Those alone seem like reasons life would be better without him. Whose name is the house in?

He brings nothing to your life. Get rid. You will find it easier without him.

Get rid of him and repeat this phrase 100 times. He is a pig and will never change.
You and your DC deserve better than this.