Why do people feign ignorance?

[MsPeachh]

As the title states really. I walk in to my father’s house this morning and I say to him “the car is covered in bird poo” and he replies “what car?” Given that he doesn’t own a car and I had literally just drove there, it was quite obvious I was talking about my car. But for some reason he feels the need to make me state the obvious. He does this kind of thing all the time (since I was a child!) and it is infuriating. If you ask him to do even the most simple thing he will give you this puzzled look and reply “what?!” and makes out that he can’t follow even the most simple scenarios so you have to waste time explaining it all again. Now I am an adult I just find it increasingly rude and it is almost belittling.

Anyone got an explanation for this extremely annoying behaviour to prevent me from completely losing the plot?!

Different cognitive processes in understanding non specific statements.

Are you his carer? Is he just trying to make 'dad jokes'?

I think this would get very old very quickly. I would stop playing along - dont repeat yourself, just keep on with your conversation.

I walk in to my father’s house this morning and I say to him “the car is covered in bird poo”

Was this your greeting?

Buying himself thinking time.

In the same way as people who reply to everything with 'sorry? What? Pardon?

Is he getting on a bit? You get a bit hard of thinking later in life.

DP does this sort of. As an example I'll say, "do you want pasta for tea?" and he'll repeat the word "pasta" and look at me as if he's never heard of it. Very annoying.

It depends if it was part of a conversation or just a random statement.
I know you said he doesn't have a car, so the next obvious reasoning would be yours, but as @Lemon said, he probably processes information differently to you, especially if it was a statement and not part of a conversation.

It’s not necessarily feigning ignorance.

You perhaps do what my husband does and appear to bring me in halfway through a conversation he’s had in his head. Gives me no context or enough information. Drives me bloody mental.

Why did you say "The car" instead of "my car"?

Why didn't you just say 'my car'? Saying 'the car' would be odd to me and I'd probably take an extra few seconds realising you meant yours. Are you sure it's not the way you're communicating that's the issue?

If you had said 'My car' rather than 'The car' which in fairness could mean any 'random' car, would that have worked better?
Unless you set the parameters for a 'discussion' you are being presumptious that anyone else is thinking exactly what you are thinking.

Cross posts

Oh god, now I'm worrying that I'm your dad

I always ask my son to be specific (because it helps defuse his anxiety)

Sexnotgender

My husband does this all the time. I get so frustrated because almost every conversation turns in to a game of charades for me until I can get him to get to the point. He assumes I read every news article he reads or that I'm in his stream of consciousness or something IDK.

OP I hope you don't do this to your dad. It's annoying.

Can you give us some more examples? Because the one you gave isn't very good, as others have said - you only had to say MY car and your meaning would have been totally clear.

Why do you think people feign ignorance rather than simply accept they haven't understood you? Most people's verbal communications are riddled with unclarity, and from your example I'd think you're no exception. I'd be trying to get you to be clearer, too.

You perhaps do what my husband does and appear to bring me in halfway through a conversation he’s had in his head. Gives me no context or enough information. Drives me bloody mental

@sexnotgender my husband does this too but absolutely refuses to believe/accept that he hasn't said the first part of the sentence/conversation out loud. Soooo annoying!

Glad I’m not alone! But sorry others also have to deal with this infuriating habit

Babyshark has posted a good example of this syndrome earlier in thread for those still feigning ignorance.

I’m a foster carer and we have a young girl staying with us at the moment who does this constantly.

“what’s for tea?”
“Beans on toast.”
“Beans on toast?”
“Yes.”
“On toast?”
“Yes.”
“Beans?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, okay.”

But with everything you say to her.

With her, it’ll be partly her upbringing/attachment disorder etc. But basically also a bit of good old fashioned nervousness/not knowing how to conduct a conversation.

Why didn’t you say ‘my car’. If you have a habit of blurting out random thoughts I can understand why he would ask for context. Have you considered that this drives him potty as well. Perhaps think about how you say something in future.

Why on earth would you assume that someone who hasn't understood your sentence is pretending? As opposed to genuinely not understanding?

I teach and can confirm that there are a great many reasons why someone might not understand a simple piece of information.

They were daydreaming about something else and are a few seconds behind you, or didn't properly hear what you said.

They are just someone with a slower processing speed than you.

They misheard one or two words that changed the whole context into something that didn't make sense.

I'd rather be like that than a judgmental prick who thinks the worst of people.

He's not pretending ignorance, you've just failed to give him information. You assume that he already knows what you're talking about.

A friend of mine does this all of the time. She said recently "Oh, I saw Mary and Carol the other day. Did you know she was pregnant?" Then got all annoyed with me when I asked which one. Well it was Mary, obviously. Carol and Mary are both married and of childbearing age.

Drives me batty.

I don't think it's him. You have poor communication skills.

He may have been in deep thought about something and you blurt out a vague sentence.

And like others said, people process things differently. Some people don't hear well.

Work on being a better communicator and the problem will go away.

You perhaps do what my husband does and appear to bring me in halfway through a conversation he’s had in his head. Gives me no context or enough information. Drives me bloody mental.

Oh god, this is DP. All vital information withheld, then, "Oh, so we should probably... quite soon – sort of thing?" I'm constantly shouting "Give me a noun!"

He does it to nearly everything I say since I was a child and he only does it with me and my sister. I highly doubt he did this in work and he doesn’t do it with strangers although he did do it to my mother in the past too. You can be referring to something right in front of you and he’d say “what xxx?” Nobody else in my life seems to have a problem understanding me! It is incredibly annoying and it is making me not want to make the effort even speaking to him!

I called it “the” car because he spends so much time in it getting ferried about by me that it’s practically like a family car!

Some people are a bit vague and tend to be thinking about other things, and not listening. If you ask them do they remember what you just said, they can usually recover it and respond appropriately, but it is easier for them not to bother, and just go "Hmm? What lion? Eating whom?"

It's not intentionally rude or disrespectful, but if you can bear to politely make them focus, you are probably doing them a favor.