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Original poster

Keep arguing over his stag do

66 replies

doglover543 · 08/06/2019 20:41

My fiancée and I are getting married in 2 years and recently got engaged. We are discussing stag and hen and he keeps saying about going to Vegas. This infuriated me.

Throughout our 4.5 years he's always said he'd want to go to Berlin. Now he's suddenly said Vegas which most people wouldn't even afford including my brother. Additionally, he has a bit of an issue with gambling which he admits which is why he doesn't do it anymore.
We could no way afford a holiday to Vegas as a simple stag. It's somewhere we said we'd go but when we had enough spending money to do it properly.

Also he said today that more than likely there'll be strippers at his stag. 95% of his friends are married and not a single one had a stripper or anything similar. Just men getting drunk having fun. I'm very clear that this is a red line. It's disrespectful and disgusting especially if he were in a European city unable to know if the girls were a result of trafficking etc.

He also has genuinely not had an interest in strippers/clubs similar. His friends are the same.

I'm getting so angry and upset! Help!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/06/2019 23:31

Marrying a man with a gambling problem is like signing your own death warrant. You are making a massive mistake.

Itstartedinbarcelona · 08/06/2019 23:32

I hate the whole stag and hen do thing. I’m so glad we gave that a miss. Thankfully most of my friends did too. If DH had insisted on an expensive stag do with strippers I wouldn’t have married him to be honest.

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 08/06/2019 23:53

Why are you against it if he saves for it and is able to go with friends?

Lucyccfc68 · 09/06/2019 00:28

The strippers are the least of your worries. I was stupid enough to marry a gambler. Didn't know he was a gambler until he got in that much debt that he finally had to admit it. I was lucky that the house was in my name and I paid the mortgage each month, as well as having our accounts separate. He would gamble a whole months wages on the day he got paid and then borrow money to give me towards mortgage and bills. All came to a head when no one else would loan him money. If we'd have had a joint account I'd have probably lost my house.

I'd have been better if with someone who went to a strip club, once on their stag do.

You need to run a fucking mile from a gambler!

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 09/06/2019 00:46

OP has said he doesn't gamble as he knows he's got a problem with it.

Cloudyyy · 09/06/2019 00:59

He sounds gross! I can’t think of anything worse than going to a seedy club and watching men writhe around a pole in undies to be honest and definitely judge people who find this an acceptable thing to do. If my partner wanted a stag do involving strippers it would put me off marrying him to be honest, it really is that disgusting to me.

Original poster
doglover543 · 09/06/2019 01:06

He has never ever enjoyed strip clubs, always stayed away from them etc so the person I knew was similar to me.

He said there's probably going to be strippers and he wouldn't be the one organising it. My friends know what I want for my hen and if he told his friends "no strippers" they'd say "sure" and respect it.

Vegas is 1) expensive - all money is becoming joint so having a blow out is stupid 2) he'd spend a ridiculous amount. He could also win though. 3) it's taking the point of a stag to an extreme and immediately ensures important people can't come. Also just so you know, he wouldn't pay for it, the people going would be expected to cover the cost which I genuinely don't see how it's possible.

I don't have an issue with gambling IF he were to stay away from Vegas. I can trust he wouldn't gamble online etc.

OP posts:
Lemonlady22 · 09/06/2019 01:10

i would be more worried about his gambling problem than a stag do tbh

MissConductUS · 09/06/2019 01:33

Yank here. The hotels in LV are all casinos and everything about them is designed to encourage you to gamble as that's how they profit. They hand out lots of free alcohol for example. Prostitution is either legal or ignored by the police depending on where exactly you are. It's a party town.

Multi day holiday hen and stag dos aren't really done here by Americans but lots of Brits come over for them. I can understand why you're not happy about it but it doesn't sound like it's likely to actually happen.

RantyAnty · 09/06/2019 04:27

You both sound very young.

You both seem more concerned about these parties and an expensive wedding, than the actual marriage.

LellyMcKelly · 09/06/2019 04:57

He has a gambling problem so he’s going to Vegas for his stag? That’s like being an alcoholic and going to the Guinness brewery. Are you sure he wants to get married? Sounds like he’s doing his best to put you off.

greenfrontdoor · 09/06/2019 05:03

Fuck that. Why marry an arsehole?

MarthasGinYard · 09/06/2019 05:59

'He has never ever enjoyed strip clubs,'

Ever think he may just tell you what he thinks you want to hear Wink

MarthasGinYard · 09/06/2019 06:01

'Also just so you know, he wouldn't pay for it, the people going would be expected to cover the cost which I genuinely don't see how it's possible.'

Grin

He sounds like such a charmer.

Is he generally one of life's takers?

DameSquashalot · 09/06/2019 07:13

Why are hen and stag parties infantile?

I agree that if he saves up for it, he can go. As long as it doesn't affect his contributions to other joint savings.

DameSquashalot · 09/06/2019 07:19

I always forget to refresh...

So his friends are paying for his trip plus theirs? They must be very generous.

I also didn't think through on the gambling. I need to go back to sleep and wake up again.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/06/2019 07:25

Have you considered some premarital counselling?

prawnsword · 09/06/2019 07:49

I hazard a guess he wants strippers if he’s fantasising about some Hangover style Vegas wild boys’ weekend. The wedding isn’t for 2 years so it’s awhile away...so it may or may not happen. If nobody else is up for it & pull out he may reconsider his plans. I get the feeling there is a disconnect over strippers & that’s what the real issue is. He visualises a party of his vices. The gambling would concern me the most as it’s personally a very unattractive trait for me.

adaline · 09/06/2019 08:20

If all his costs will be covered why will he blowing out a huge amount from the joint account?

mybeebop · 09/06/2019 08:28

Are you teenagers? You sound like teenagers

notmuchmoretogive · 09/06/2019 08:39

Why is everyone paying for his stag do? I am another one who struggles with this more than a day/night business. I find people are selfish in thinking that their friends should be so out of pocket when they get married.

I also don't understand why you're arguing about this when you aren't even getting married for two years.

The marriage isn't about the celebrations it's about solid foundations for life and I'm afraid yours are sounding a bit rocky. Try to work on that first.

Petitprince · 09/06/2019 08:59

Seriously, do not marry a gambler. He sounds like an idiot. Run for the hills.

Adversecamber22 · 09/06/2019 09:00

My sisters late DH had a gambling problem, she is a widow in her sixties now. She spent forty years hard up, I remember her crying about how she couldn’t have the heating on. Over the last couple of years she has discovered just how much money he got through. She has also discovered how he wasted money on items bought in secret.

Do not be my sister.

SammySamSam09 · 09/06/2019 09:01

Saving two years for a flashy wedding but already arguing over the stag do.
I can see this will be a short marriage. What a waste of time and money.

category12 · 09/06/2019 09:36

If he was serious about controlling his gambling problem, he wouldn't be thinking about Vegas. You're also not treating it as a serious issue when you say "he'd spend a ridiculous amount. He could also win though". That's the trap. You're being suckered.

Life with an addict of any sort: would not recommend. No stars.

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