i dont find matches on dating apps because im overweight!

[Quern]

if you are
1 of healthy weight
2 scrubbed up well
3 independent

you won't struggle to find matches on dating apps?

i am overweight and have let myself go a bit after a series of negative events that took place in recent yrs , OLD is a nightmare that has knocked my confidence even further down. are there ladies who found matches while overweight and not putting an effort on how they look?

how do you know it's because you're overweight that you're not getting matches?

friends and family who are of healthy weight and take care of their looks do find a lot of matches , i dont

There are as many men who like women with a bit of extra padding, as there are who like slim or even skinny women. I am size 16-18, so fat by any standard, and i never felt overlooked on OLD.

Its honestly to do with your confidence and how you present yourself in your pictures and on your profile. Confidence is a bit of a virtuous circle - act confident and attractive, people will be attracted to you, you will feel more confident and attractive... and so on.

What OLD platforms are you on? Some sites are better than others.

Pressed 'post' too early. I was going to add, i know everyone slates POF, but i had a lot of fun there.

When you ask your friends and family about this what do they tell you?

To be blunt, if you don’t put effort into you appearance and so look “unattractive” you will struggle to matches.

OLD is a lot more superficial than meeting irl. At least at the start.

Being overweight will limit ur matches as most people don’t tend to find overweight people attractive (depends how overweight).

However, there are plenty of overweight attractive people who make an effort with their appearance and get matches.

HTH

TBH, it sounds like you need to work on your self confidence and self esteem before embarking into the world of OLD.

Do you love yourself?

What do you mean by take care of their looks? Do your profile pictures show you grubby and unwashed, with dirty hair and food stains down your top? I bet they dont.

I was obese (BMI nearly 40) when I was using OLD and was popular enough that the website I used wanted to feature me in a ‘happy ending’ article when I finally told them I was getting married to my DH (who I found through that site).

Being overweight doesn’t put people off; not being honest about it, not being groomed, and often not using the best photos does. You also need to have a paid profile, in my experience, as a lot of the top quality men (ie those looking for relationships) tend to wait to be approached.

I would also suggest clicking on and messaging as many men who fit your preferences as possible. It’s often a numbers game with OLD. You might need to approach a 100 men for one date on some sites.

Depends what you mean by 'let yourself go'. A person can be overweight without looking unattractive or unkempt. More likely to be your own self image projecting negatively. Love yourself first.

I’m overweight and used to get a ridiculous amount of matches on OLD. I do put an effort into my appearance though, in fact very much so, and I assume that was reflected in my photographs, and perhaps my confidence came across in the words on my profile. The wording in my profile always used to lean towards the “are you good enough for me?” angle rather than “please let me be good enough for someone/anyone”.

Perhaps rather than focusing on finding a mate, it might be a better idea to focus on yourself and rebuilding your confidence and making a few tweaks to your appearance that will help you feel good. I’m absolutely not saying lose weight, but perhaps doing your hair and making sure you look neat and tidy in your profile pictures (it’s not evident from your post if you’ve stopped bothering with all grooming).

are there ladies who found matches while overweight and not putting an effort on how they look? These are two separate issues. You can be overweight and still make an effort to look nice. The latter could well prevent you getting matches, the former may limit your dating pool but won't rule out men who are looking for more than a trophy GF.

Well, I'm attractive, slim, financially solvent, sane, funny, independent, intelligent........ but I am 49 so I'd have zero luck either. The only men who'd date me would be ten years older and not only would they be ten years older but they wouldn't be good ambassadors for men their age!

I couldn't be arsed with OLD

Also to add, I never once paid for OLD. Hated POF, always used OkCupid. In my several years on there I had lots of lovely dates, met a friend with benefits, some no strings fun, met a boyfriend and remained friends with some people. I then got with my DP who i’d known 15 years in real life but I don’t think that time OLD was wasted.

I had some great dates or afternoons sat outside pubs drinking and chatting with people who i’d otherwise never have met, some of them i’d known instantly I didn’t fancy, but they were still people worth talking to and having a chat with and I didn’t need to instantly disregard them as humans the minute i’d realised we weren’t going to live happily ever after. But I used to spend a bit of time getting to know people on WhatsApp before i’d meet in RL, whereas some people send out a first message asking to meet pretty much immediately which I always found irritating.

I'm a size 18 and didn't have any problem getting matches. However, I do look after my appearance in all other ways and I also really love myself.

You don't sound very happy with yourself in general and that might be coming across. Work on loving yourself first then go back to OLD because it can be tough on your self esteem even for those with sky high confidence.

I think it's the lack of making an effort, that may be more of an issue.

Not sure quite what you mean by that though.

If you want to meet someone via OLD, and you feel that currently, you don't really make an effort with your appearance.... try making a bit of an effort. Put on a bit of makeup, do your hair, get a friend to take 324 pictures of you until you get some you like. If you really want to re-invent yourself, you could book a session with a personal shopper at Debenhams or something.

So,,,put effort into looking good ? Simple really ...

Overweight is irrelevant. There are plenty of men who find larger ladies preferable.

However putting no effort into your appearance possibly is an issue, depending on how you present yourself.

It's not a weight issue. I'm overweight by 4 stone and I have plenty of interest. If you don't make any effort with your appearance though you won't be popular. I'm not a high maintenance woman but I keep my hair nice and wear nice clothes in my pictures.

my bmi is 31.5 and the odd match i find on tinder always ends after the first video call, it never progresses further than that

all my pictures are current, so i suspect its how i look

It's definitely not your weight. But the 'not putting any effort into how you look' - that would be why, if it is true.

I've actually had someone dump me for losing weight! "I just don't fancy you any more, you're too skinny" (I was 9 stone 10). But as others have said, if you make no effort with your appearance, it implies you don't have any self-worth or self-esteem, and people take you at your own estimation.

I've dated at 12 stone and at 7 stone. Absolutely no difference in interest.

Admittedly, I've never been morbidly obese; but you only have to look at 'feeders' and their boards to see that there are people who have a preference for big women.

But not caring about appearance? As I said before, that says something completely different.

Think of someone like Gemma Collins from TOWIE - really takes care of herself. And why wouldn't she?

Sorry, OP - bit of a tough message coming up. Look at it this way. You say you have let yourself go, and don't put effort into how you look. That tells any guy who looks at your profile two things:

1. You probably have self esteem issues, and you're not exactly siezing life. That's a major turn off, and says life with you is probably going to be hard work.

1. You aren't going to put any effort into the relationship either, if you can't even be bothered to make an effort for your profile. No guy with any self-respect is going to want a relationship with someone who isn't going to put any effort in.

Whether fair or not, those are the assumptions someone will make. Frankly, I'd just assume you probably have a really negative outlook on life, may be depressed, and aren't going to bring something positive to my life. When there's so much choice out there, why would I bother finding out whether those assumptions are true, when you can't be bothered to make an effort?

So I'd say that's why you're struggling. It's easy to blame the weight, and guys being superficial. But there are planty of people who are a little overweight and still attractive. Those are the people who seem ckmfortable in their own skin, make an effort, and seem like they'd be interesting & fun to be around.

There are far better examples of larger ladies who look after themselves than Gemma Collins

Felicity Hayward and Ashley Graham are two examples.

I don't do video calls! What do you do them for? How off putting.