Would you work with your ex?

[Figure8]

So, a job has come up at the place where an ex works. In my line of work, full time, well paid positions don't come up very often. This role would make finances much easier. The job is probably 3 jobs in one, and will be really tough. I think the last person is leaving due to the sheer amount of work.

And my ex works there. As does the woman he lied to me about for years.
She wasnt an OW as we were on and off, but he lied to me to go spend time with her while we were together, and lied a great deal after.
He is very well liked, and loves to be well thought of by women. When we were together he would be secretive, lie, and keep me seperate. As in we would both be invited out by his work colleagues, and he would go on his own. I think he did this so he could peacock in front of other women.

When he was with me, he would put other women down to " put me off track". I suspect he has done the same about me.

So- interesting job, more money. But- possibly a huge amount of work , and my ex works there.

I feel like I should be a grown up and put personal things aside in favour of financial security.

We have been apart for a few months. Before that we were off and on for quite a few years.

What would you do?

I wouldn't unless your career it's so niche that this job is the only way to move ahead.

No way I would apply.

You're just inviting drama and misery into your life. Unless you are desperate for money and this is the only option you have, I would be steering well clear.

Would you be bothered seeing him with other women? Would it evoke past feelings? For you to post it might?

If not, I would. How likely is it that you'll be working alongside him closely?

You've only been apart properly for a few months. If it had been years I'd say do it but because it's been such a small amount of time then absolutely not. There's not enough mental distance between you both and in a job that you already know will be stressful will be a nightmare.
Unless you're desperate don't do it.

Oh wouldn't it be great if you did go for the job, if you soon promoted and then at some point were his and her boss !!

Go for it and see what happens . (But don't count on getting it if he and she kick up a fuss ?!)

Go for it!

Do not let his actions hold you back from getting a well paid job ..

That being said ... becareful & do not fall for his charm again 🙈

Ex husband? Or boyfriend? How long were you together for? Have you both moved on?

Sorry I just re-read your post, boyfriend together for a few years, split a few months ago.
No I probably wouldn't

In some situations I would but not in yours.

We have very different roles, so I could never be his boss.

My role is niche, but there are many ways of moving forward.
This role is walking distance though.

We haven't spoken at all since the split. If I did work there, we wouldn't be working closely together, but we would have to communicate.

We've not spoken at all since we've split.

He started working with a new colleague quite a few months before we finished. He never ever mentioned her, and when I asked about her, he would say " ooh she's completely barmy". We did go to a social and she was there too...my ex didn't introduce me, which i thought was odd at the time.

I want the role, want the money, but desperately need to rebuild my life.
He was so good at confusing situations ( "I'll do anything to rebuild trust, but it's worse for me because I'm the one that isnt trusted") I feel like I'm finally seeing him clearly, and seeing our relationship clearly.

I have been feeling very strong, but seeing the job advert has really thrown me.

You haven't even got the job yet, you may as well apply.

Taking it depends on how over him you really are. If you're completely honest with yourself, are you likely to get suckered back in to another round with him?

Apply if you think you can handle it

I agree that you have to be completely honest with yourself - if it were the case that he meant nothing to you anymore and you could work there and watch him flirting with women in a detached, amused sort of way then fine, go for it. But it sounds like the split was too painful and too recent for you to be able to have that distance - I think it may well be like picking a scab every single working day. It would be horrible.

I think it may well be like picking a scab every single working day. It would be horrible

That's my worry!

The job is on two locations- one where he is , and the other is where the woman he had lied to me about works. I have absolutely no doubt that he would have said that I was jealous/ insecure etc. Which, to be fair, by the end of it after so many lies, so many secrets, being pushed/pulled/rejected, I WAS insecure, suspicious and jealous.

No way, it’s too close and you are still too emotionally involved with him . The fact that you were on and off for years shows that he can easily draw you in.

Don’t do it.

I work with my ex, though not in the same department. Works fine.

@Lelly
Were you recent exes? Did you finish amicably?

No. The job doesn't sound great if it's 3 jobs rolled into one.

It will also look to him like you are seeking him out, plus she works there. Why invite all that drama into your life?

I personally couldn't think of anything worse lol. It would be doable if perhaps he was on a different floor and you wouldn't have to ever come into contact. It sounds like it would be very awkward with you both and I wouldn't want to see the OW either I wouldn't be able to help myself giving her evils!

You sound like you still hold bitter feelings towards both of them, it wouldn't be in your best interest and mental health to be working near them. No job is worth it.

No. Unless it's the job of a lifetime. It sounds like it would make for quite an uncomfortable workplace and I couldn't be bothered with that every day.

Three jobs rolled into one is the killer for me.

You haven’t given time frames or length of the relationship. This matters but I would say you are not over him. Why is that ?

He was almost certainly cheating on you with women at his work.

It sounds a little like you would really like this job in order to have more insight into that part of him, maybe to demystify his hunting ground a little? You sound still a little traumatised by the circumstances of your relationship.

Don't do this. This is never going to go well and will turn his personal impact on your life into professional impact. Pretend you never saw the job ad and move on from this.

It sounds a little like you would really like this job in order to have more insight into that part of him, maybe to demystify his hunting ground a little?

No....actually, I know the place very well already. I had a slightly different role before, and I worked at one of the locations- I know it well!
I don't think he physically cheated. He is more motivated by having admiration of women, than sleeping with him. I think sex ( with me, anyways) was only ever a way of making sure he was wanted.
I do want the job, but I'm so crapped out that he is a feature.

Similar positions don't come up often, and if they do would mean travel.

So, money/ challenging role vs possibly a ton of drama.....

What capacity is there for him to make your life professionally difficult if he so wanted?

As a poster upthread said, I wouldn't want to invite all that drama into my life. Throw in a potentially very stressful job (doesn't sound like that great a job if they're happy to overload staff to the point that they leave) and an ex who might throw spanners in the works and...no thanks.