"My relationships a bit shit but I'm battling on anyway" Who's with me?

[baubled]

Anyone else sticking in a relationship and battling to keep it going even though they know they might not succeed?

I've lost count of how many times I've wanted to leave but I'm just not at the point of walking out the door (yes, standard cliche - his house, not married, got a toddler).

Forever needing strength to get through our daily issues!

This is me too, just marking here till I get time to respond, thanks for the thread OP.

I will put this out there though, in ten years time I'll be 60, I feel a bit sick at the thought of being in this rut until then.

Sorry to here you're in the same situation too @BummyKnocker xx

I would say my relationship is more than a bit shit, it is really awful, but I don’t feel brave enough to force a split either. I am so courageous in other areas of my life but I feel stuck with no way out when it comes to this. I actually just can’t face the emotional upheaval and would rather bury my head in the sand. I will get there in the end though. One day I just know i will just get to the end of my tether and not look back.

Another one here feeling the same. It’s all fine, not shit, but not nice either here and so much of what I’ve read in this thread sounds exactly the same as us!

I've just watched a video on FB of a bride signing their wedding song to her deaf groom before waking down the aisle to him, you can see the love between them and it's made me cry like a baby, I'm not quite sure if it's the actual video or the fact that the love isn't there between me and my DP, feels like it's brought it home.

Anyone having a shit day today? I've just asked mine if he'll go to some counselling with me, answer was as I though "no" when I asked why his only answer is "because I don't want to". Says it all really doesn't it, I think it's time to put the wheels in motion or "get my (tiny amount of) ducks in a row"

If someone doesn’t want to go to counselling it means that in reality it’s over. They can’t even be bothered to sort this out. That’s how little they care.

You can carry on for years like this or you can try and find a way out.

@Justbreathing that's what is making me sad, I'm sat in the bath thinking about what I'm going to do to sort my life out without him.

I’m sorry op.
I went through the same. No DC. But when he said no to counselling it was really a final straw. I just thought what’s the point if he can’t even be fucked to save this

Though he said he regretted not going later. Bloody fool

I’d advise counselling for yourself.
Similar situation than you, complicated by living abroad and a chronic illness.
My plan is to ‘rebuild’ my life whilst he still here (and have some financial support at least), sort the issue of me living here etc....

After years and years trying to make it work and being deeply hurt, I’ve realised that I should live my life for myself and not for others. It often feels selfish but then has he ever actually out me before him? Nope. So, it’s only fair that I do that too for a change.

Be selfish. It’s actually a good thing

No one else in this world really cares if you’re selfish or not. No point in being a martyr

"I've just asked mine if he'll go to some counselling with me, answer was as I though "no" when I asked why his only answer is "because I don't want to". Says it all really doesn't it, I think it's time to put the wheels in motion or "get my (tiny amount of) ducks in a row" "

Please do LTB. He is not giving you half the respect you deserve. Your son will pick up on it too.

Can I join you! I'm most definitely in this club. Wrong side of 40 and two kids. I don't actually like my H anymore, he's not the man I married and try as I might to forget the past I just see this vile person. Being financially controlled but trying to claw myself out and when I do we are off🙌

Obviously still sitting here in the relationship, although when I say sitting here I mean sitting in the car on the drive keeping my distance.

Things have been so much better, to the point I can see in him that he's genuinely started to enjoy my company again but there still has to be regular criticism.

The latest "can you go on a cooking course" "everything you make is too bland/boring/not enough veg/samey" etc.

Granted I'm not the best cook but 9 times out of 10 I'm the one making everything and I don't see him searching for new recipes and just knowing if they're nice or not.

I've been trying new recipes and tonight's was too spicy, followed the recipe to a tee but apparently inedible. Now kicking off because I haven't got enough veg in for the toddler, ignoring the fact I had just put a shed load in my too spicy pasta.

I get it's annoying for him but I'm literally working full time, running a side business picking up most of the childcare because he works late and trying to make new, tastier teas which won't be met with huffs,eye rolls and PA comments about being hungry to the toddler. I've said "you can do it from now on" and his reply is well I'm going to have to aren't I but Jesus I just can't catch a break!

This is me too and It is comforting to know there are others in this kind of situation... 40 years married, now he is becoming more and more unwell, when I am out with family or friends a huge weight comes off but when I back it is all about him.
He has cornered the market in unhappy childhoods and misery and it sucks the life out of me but the ember still burns and a flame appears on occasion!

This was me two weeks ago until we both realised we just can't live together anymore. Almost 10 years together and 5 children, sahm and him supporting us all. Thank god the tenancy is in my name. He's moving out next week and I've applied for universal credit, and am searching for a job. It's scary but I just couldn't live like it anymore It was really affecting my mental health. My children don't need to see this either I don't want them to think it's normal.

oh dear what depressing reading. You do know you can leave don't you? I left in the hardest of situations. It was so tough. it was awful and it is hard. But infinitely preferable to that. I love my life now. As a previous poster says, use your energy in a different way. Everything is possible. It will work out. It has to.

@baubled

That is so sad you are doing the lionshare of the "wife work" and he's still complaining and tantruming like a 3 year old

It makes me even more sad because we seemed to finally be getting back to a good place and this just reminds me how unreasonable and selfish he truly is

@SueBrouqet well done for getting out but leaving at the moment isn't an option.

Please emotionally detach from him so his opinion and non-emotional support don't better you.

why @baubled? tell us why it's not? Maybe we can help. And if not (really), what about a plan?

Life is too short. It really is.

Yep.. morgage , baby and our jobs work around eachother .. but hes the one who earns the most and pays most of the bills 🙄

This is me too. 20 years, 2 kids. I found some courage to say we should split a few weeks ago but failed the dismount and it didn't happen.

He isn't a bad person, I just can't bear his company and his absolute belief that he knows best on any given subject. He's a terrible businessman and I've supported us for years while he is free to make as little as he likes with no penalty.

Seven years ago I thought I might as well separate love from sex and at least allow myself a sex life. Got pregnant and added ten years to my sentence.

The kids love him and I can't afford the tradesmen to sort out all his unfinished diy. So I just keep plodding along.

Oh hi miserable friends! Too financially tied / reluctant to fail at anything here.