Have I been used?

[MonicaBee]

Hello, I’m looking for an outside opinion on a situation I have found myself in.

I’ve been talking to a man for the past 8 weeks, he has been very open with me about his past, his family, his struggles and his health. He’s shared his whole life story and has messaged me every day none stop since we started talking.

We arranged a date but he had to cancel due to money issues.

He has been very depressed but will only speak to me about his problems and won’t ask for help. He keeps blocking me on text and social media for a few days and then comes back very apologetic, blaming his current bad state of mind.

We slept together once, and he has since backed off again. He’s said he’ll be in touch again soon but his head is in a mess. He has also changed his mind about what he wants with me, sometimes saying a relationship, sometimes saying just take it slow.

I know he’s single, it’s not an issue of whether he’s with someone else, but I’m worried I’m just being used.

My gut feeling tells me that I’m not, and that he’s genuinely in a really bad place. My friends think otherwise.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and what I should do?

Don't feel silly It's surprisingly easy to get sucked into text and IM interactions and really invest in them. People who have never experienced it would be shocked by how much emotional energy can be sucked out of you that way - especially by someone who is very used to being a drain!

It's lovely you are so caring as a person, but perhaps this is a wake-up call about boundaries and valuing yourself more. You're worth far more than some guy who only sees you as a big juicy emotional battery to drain.

People who give you their life story in the first week are definitely to be avoided. It imitates intimacy but in reality they are drawing you in and in my experience are very needy.

OP - get yourself out of this shituation right now. He sounds emotionally unavailable at best and a covert narc at worst. This man likely doesn't give 2 shits about you (Who blocks, then unblocks like that?)- I don't care how good he is to talk to -you're his emotional dumping ground when he wants it - walk away

@Willows991 these 'people' need to be tarred and feathered and run out of dating town

Also....rather than step back, seriously - block him - if he comes back and starts hooking away at you and initially you seem distant, he's going to up the ante, and if you fall for it....well, then you've got even more problems with him. My advice - Block him even if he's blocked you. Put your own boundaries down

@Spercali77, you are right! That made me laugh. I posted about my experiences on here. He got in touch with me closed to my birthday and then promised to meet up and go for dinner on my birthday. He ghosted me for days and on my birthday he started calling from 5pm saying that he wanted to take me out and I am not answering the phone.

He called me several times in the early hours and again around 7am, claiming that he was "upset" I was not picking up his calls. That was the last time I heard from him. I was over him so never blocked or called him again.

Women should stop putting up with such behaviour.

I mean this with only kindness but it’s been eight weeks. He has already shown you that he has some quite significant mental health stuff going on, money issues and he isn’t treating you well. None of this is very nice for him obviously but you're not obliged to date him, particularly when he’s saying he doesn’t want to anyway. Why don’t you want something better for yourself?

He definitely sounds like a covert narcissist. He is following the script.

These people are bottomless pits and will suck the life out of you.

Delete and block.

@Willows991 did you know that narcs are renowned for pissing all over people's birthday plans??

@Willows991 but i'm sorry that happened to you - what an absolute asshat. Anyway - freedom is Sweeeeeet!

I’ve heard of ghosting... definitely seems like that’s the case here, sadly.
I just hope I stop thinking of him soon, I’m waking up through the night expecting messages - I’m so tragic!

Just block him. Then delete his number. Move on. It's pathetic all round. I've been there and cringe now blocking and deleting is the only way to go.