MIL and FIL imminent - and heavy smokers....

[JayTree]

Help - they are have just informed me that they are going to visit (they never wait for an invite...) and it is likely to be for a while. The main problem (but by no means the only one) is that they are both seriously heavy smokers - of the nasty harsh cheap type of cigarettes to make it even worse. Our house is tiny and has no ideal room to demote to the status of smoking lounge! Even the kitchen is an airless room without a back door. I just know that it is going to totally stress me out trying to tactfully keep my dd away from the smoke etc.
To make it worse, when I tactfully mentioned my concerns to dh he went spare. We live really near my parents (my choice) and they see us all the time, we only see his once or twice a year and they have poor health ( not surprising...). He says that it is important that we make them feel really welcome and that I am not to say the slightest thing to make them feel uncomfortable as they have been through a tough time recently etc. etc. I know he has a point but even so....
It would be easier if they enjoyed going out but they are very over weight couch potatoes and all they will want to do is sit, smoke and play with dd. I am totally dreading the entire thing. To give you an idea of how bad their habit is and convince you that I am not over reacting - last time we visited them I went with them to Tescos - they had to have two cigarette breaks during the shop followed by one on the car on the way home!
As an ex smoker myself I try really hard not to be judgemental and make a big effort not to be rude but this is really going to try my patience. AAAAAAGH.

My mum and stepdad smoke in their house when we visit (although they didn't when the kids were tiny babies). I reckon that a short time in that atmosphere probably won't do my kids much harm, especially balanced against the wonderful relationship they have with the children (I wouldn't have the heart to deny them or the kids that). However, when they come to my house they smoke on the porch - I just couldn't stand the smell that would remain in the house after they had gone (when we visit them I have to wash everything when we get home to remove the smell, even stuff that never made it out of the suitcase).

I don't like my mum smoking (my dad died of lung cancer), but it's her life. However, ds did boldly ask her the other day if she was going to die soon because she smoked cigarettes .....

Again, thanks for all your thoughts about this one - may it is a Scottish issue?!!....(half hearted joke...)
Particular thanks to Lindy - your perspective on it has made me think a little more rationally about it.
I think that I have finally got my head around it. I have discussed this with DH and have agreed not to mention smoking to his parents in law so that I don?t trigger a row. In return he will take respinsiblity and ask them nicely to smoke in the kitchen only (or outside) as there is a tobacco candle and ash tray in there. I have also bought a small room air filter for the kitchen (thanks for making me think of that one, Angharad - your comment about an extractor fan did it - we do but not a good one so this will boost it up). When the weather is fine, we will all go outside as much as possible.
Not ideal but trying to limit the problem to one room in the house that my DD only needs go in for meals (Kitchen/Diner unfortunately..) will make a bit of a difference.
Now that I have a game plan I feel a lot happier about it. This is not my ideal solution obviously, but one that should limit the impact on our health whilst (hopefully) preventing any bad feeling. I never knew that playing happy families could be such hard work! Phew. Now all I need is for it to go smoothly....
One last point - I wonder how many people have read some of this thread and felt too ashamed/guilty/embarrassed to add to the thread because they do occasionally allow some smoking in their home? I bet it is more than we think as the views on this thread may well be the publicly correct stance on this one, but not truly representative of what really goes on out there. (By that I am not supporting smoking in any way - look at my first posting on this thread if in any doubt, i am just wondering out loud).

good point about whether the thread is representative jaytree. I have to admit that on reading your post my initial reaction was relief that I have never been put in that situation - no-one has ever asked to smoke in my house. This didn't give me much experience to help you with. However I was on a Mums and Tots trip yesterday and a number of the mothers lit up in the car park (including two pregnant)which I didn't like but I didn't way anything.

Yes, I live in Scotland and can confirm every single person living here smokes . Next time you are near Gretna Green look north and you will see a great big grey cloud of smoke which starts exactly at the border.