Am I being silly?

[Monkeyblu]

Long history of ups & mainly downs with DH. Lack of respect for me, being very selfish in terms of time & purchases, dont feel particularly loved or special to him etc. We are (yet again) trying to make things work & he’s been not too bad past day of so. I treated him in town today (only to an expensive ice cream!) & I thought we were def on right track. So when he says he’s going to a special wine outlet he goes to & would I like him to get me anything, I was really touched & said I love their inexpensive X. Later I see two empty wine carriers by recycling (apparently they dismantle & fold themselves & go into the bin..😕.) & ask what he got. He says he got me 2 bottles for the rack. I say thanks & what did he get - 10 bottles of various fine wines! He just smirked & said that’s all so asked for - errr no but I feel it’s very telling of the value he puts on me versus himself. Am so being silly??

But isn't that what you asked for?

It’s just the 2 vs his 10. I obviously am being ridiculous then.

You're being silly. Whilst buying him ice cream he could have only picked 2 flavours for example, but if you had decided to get yourself 3 flavours instead would you think its then reasonable for him to complain that you got 1 more scope even though it was an open option for all?

If you had picked an expensive wine then he came back with the cheapest one just for you, then he'd be the one being unreasonable.

That's my take on it.

Is he going to share those 10 fine bottles with you or not?

Aren't they just all yours together? Like you won't go separately and drink them?

The way I read that is that you're already feeling undervalued so the wine thing seems like a literal representation of that? Just drink his wine, job done

You're overreacting

What?? He got you what you asked for!

Are the wines on the rack or has he got them for himself/someone else?

So he was already going to the wine merchants get what he wanted, he asked you if you wanted anything, you told him and he got you two bottles (he could've just got one). Now you're complaining because he got the stuff he originally went for as well?

You look like you're looking for things to get at him for (same with the recycling snipes).

I’m not sure what he’s done wrong?

I’m confused.

I don't think he's done anything wrong. He got what you asked him for.

He's been a twat imo.

I don't quite follow.

Should he have got you 10 bottles? Or additional different bottles that you didn't want?

Yabu

YABU get a grip
He got you what you asked for

The wine is irrelevant. Read your OP to yourself and see. He has a long history of being a twat. Why are you with him? Just having been OK for the last day or two is a drop in the ocean. You will be looking for the tiny crumbs all the time forever only if you stay with him. Spearate and find someone nice. Take five of the nicest bottles when you do though.

Separate.

But he isnt being a twat here.

She got 2 bottles of what she asked for. Not one.

Should he have bought her 10 so it was even? Or not buy what he was actually going for?

He went shopping for wine for himself and asked what you wanted whilst he was there. You told him and he bought them. He was going for himself anyway and asked what you wanted. I don't understand your problem. If you went shopping for shoes and asked if he wanted you to pick up something for him and he asked for the daily paper, would you expect him to be angry with your for spending your money on the shoes?

You're reading way too much into this because of the history. I'd bet it wasn't a smirk, just a smile, possibly sheepish, but he'd find nothing wrong. You can't go around totting up ice cream vs wine every day to see whose being magnanimous and whose being a twat. That's not working at it. That's point scoring and waiting for him to fail. Either commit to being positive or don't. At least you sensed that you're being silly.

It's not really about the wine is it? It's like he's done the bare minimum for you and treated himself. If he'd come back and said he'd got you an equal amount of what you like or that he'd got 10 bottles or something you both like you'd feel differently.
I think you need to talk to him about how you're feeling generally and forget the point scoring about who did what for who. He may just need a kick up the backside to be more considerate.

OP, I think I know what you mean. The example you gave might be a bit misleading, but I still get it. My STBXH is very similar. I have no advice really. I couldn't make mine see. Mine spent over 500 pounds on his outfit for Christening of our son while the child being christened was wearing H&M 20-pound-worth outfit and I wore a dress I bought for our civil ceremony a few years before. I understand your frustration, but sadly I am not an optimist thinking that he might change.