He left - Me and my 2 dc's will have to move in with my mum - I feel like I'm going backwards at the age of 41 :(

[Leapoffaith00]

He left 3 years ago - I have tried to stay in work full time and juggle childcare and pay the mortgage. I am losing my mind!!
I think it's time to sell and move home with my mum because it's impossible to stay here and afford the mortgage on my income alone (not even mentioning the upkeep). Rent is far too expensive. My mum has agreed I can stay there.
I have had to take a pay cut and changed jobs 3 times in 3 years as I don't have childcare. I have run out of options.
I just feel like I'm going backwards - Whilst he is buying a lovely new home with his new girlfriend and her dc's. It makes me feel like I am completely failing! I'm 42 this year. All I do is try to stay afloat.
How can I start again now!?

Talk to your dds - would they rather move to your mum's or share a room with you and rent out theirs in order to hold on to the house? Could you move into the box room and put them together in yours and rent out the other? I host international students in my 3rd room and it's a great earner.

www.familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/pays-mortgage-going-divorce/

Are you living in a town with a university? You could contact them and offer a room to rent.

youorme thankyou for the info. I asked for a holiday last week. Just a small one even. They have said he has to agree. I spoke to the manager too (and embarrassingly broke down). He has to agree. It's frustrating but I have asked for so much info on this on the last year. I'm exhausted.
He won't sign any divorce papers unless I sell. I can divorce but my solicitor advised settlement figures on the property should be done at the same time but means taking him to court as he's ignored all letters.
Spoken to my dd's, they're all up for an exciting move. They think it's boring they have lived in the same house since birth. I guess they don't see it in the same way. It's new and exciting for them.

Did your solicitor advise how much it would cost to take him to court? I wonder if they can ask for your court costs to be taken from his settlement as he’s being unreasonable? Would the solicitor do pro bono?

If your dds are excited then go for it. Move to your mum's and save up again. But absolutely do not give this waste of space man 50% equity.

Look up occupation order he should be supporting u and legally you can stay in house until children 18

in a simliar position OP, except i have 3 kids. i work on a contract basis and am seeking a permanent job.
Solicitor has advised hanging tight because i am in not able to buy him out nor can i get a mortgage on a smaller property either.

its shit. i know its shit. My parents have offered no help whatsoever. No offers to stay with them; i accept their position but fuck it hurts.

i dont know ... sometimes i think to myself sod-it and just to trust the process because i have no real control. other times i am gutted that this is my life.

BUT, as other PP's have said, its really difficult to hold things together in these circumstances and we're doing great. my ex is due to inherit and wants the divorce sorted. wont make much of a difference in the short term because he cant buy anywhere else until i agree to sell.

Blah blah i am rambling. take care of yourself. You are doing an incredible job for your DC's. Moving in with your DM might be the most liberating thing you will ever do.

He has agreed on 30% if I sell now. I disagreed to sell about 6 months ago so he may change his mind therefore it will be more like 40 % like the solicitor advised.
I know I can stay until my youngest is 18 however can't afford the mortgage right now.
aufaitaccompli I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's difficult alone. I try to trust the process, it's difficult. It's not wanting to make a wrong move.
You are doing great too. I wish you all the best.

A couple of thousand to take to court. I just don't have any more to give.

40% is too much! Tell him 30% or the deal is off and you will default on payments. Call his bluff. He will want his name off the mortgage and his credit score good if he's buying again.

Ok, i think I would sell, take the equity, and stay at your Mum's for a bit while you get your finances on an even keel (will she be charging you rent?). It's not moving backwards - you'll still have that lump-sum equity for a deposit.

Get through the next couple of years and (once you no longer have to pay childcare), hopefully your finances will be in a position to take out a mortgage on a new property. And this time it will belong to you and only you.

No, she won't be charging me rent.
Yes, I think it can be a positive step.

If your mum is offering to sell and buy again, could she sell and move into yours? eventually build a granny flat or something?

Why do men get to say what they want even to the detriment of their kids?

@Leapoffaith00
I left our family home with my DS because I didn't think I could afford the house on my own. Looking back now (11 yrs) I would have. Just. I'd have struggled but now I'd be in a much better position. My ex still owns the house and rents it out. Pisses me off every time I drive past it.

My mum doesn't live in the property. She lives with her partner. It's empty. It's small but would be ok for a short while.
I know, but I have struggled. It's difficult. This is not living.

It definitely is a positive step as you would be Investing in it so it would be your own home, just without the stress and worry you are currently feeling. As your mum doesn’t live there anyway it would be you and dc rebuilding your lives together....