i wish i was dead.i have fucked everything up.we kept having rows about him chatting to women on online games and i know i was being a control freak but i have PND and i am very insecure.i have been seeing a councellor.
when we were first together he had a job but he quit and couldnt find another.he started playing online games and got really into one of them.
he used to do loads around the house,all the cooking,helping bath the kids,do the housework etc.over the last few months this has got less and less before he left he was only sweeping the floor and tidying the living room after tea,the rest of the time he was plying the pc game.
he stopped going out after a while,said he had always had a problem with crowds etc.also,when we met he had a few female friends,and i had a few male ones,but he deleted the womens numbers off his phone and said they didnt matter anyway,he also deleted all the men i had on my msn contacts.i wasnt bothered at the time,i didnt really speak to them that much and a couple were ex's.
tongiht he said ive been keeping him in a cage,he has stopped going out because he was scared i would accuse him of looking at other women.i never did this in the past,i dont know why he said it.but he said it was my fault.and he said he did stuff around the house but it was never enough as im never happy.he also said that one woman he stopped talking to when we met was one of his best friends,and imlied that i had stopped this friendship,but i never asked him to delete his numbers.
when we met i didnt want a relationship,we were meeting as friends but were attracted to each other,and things happened.he told me he had fallen in love with me and wanted to be with me forever.
he even said this morning that he wants to spend his life with me.we were supposed to be getting married in october.then he said he wanted to play the pc game from 4am-6am once a month,play then go back to bed.i said that was out of order,we have a 4 month old baby,if he wants to play pc games at 4am he should have stayed single.
so he got angry and said all those nasty things and took his ring off and gave me his key and went.i started shouting at him and he said i was close to getting hit,even though hes never hit a woman.
he has texted to say he will pick some clothes up tomorrow and i text back and said 'why some,why not everything?' and he said he doesnt have any taxi money,so i txt back saying i would give him some money as i will take the wedding rings back and get a refund.
my heart is breaking and i dont know what to do.i always fuck everyhting up.i should have stayed on my own cos i dont deserve anyone.i want to crwl into a hole but i cant as i have 5 kids to look after and i have to stay strong for them.
i know this is so long i had to get it all out sorry.