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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it strange to not want to date/have a relationship?

46 replies

anyname147 · 30/05/2019 12:16

Just wondered what peope thought. I have been very happily single for 6 years - no dates at all in this time. I am very fulfilled and not lonely. Friends do keep on at me to find a date, but I have no time nor inclination to.
Is this weird? Is this a common situation to be in? Or does this make me a sociopath or something! I came out of a 20 yr relationship 6 years ago and i have kids, whether this is relevant or not.
Is anyone else in the long-term happily men/relationship-free zone?

OP posts:
VaggieMight · 30/05/2019 12:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Otterhound · 30/05/2019 12:25

Not at all.
Good friendships are a relationship without sex and you can have a different one for each day of the week!!🙂

I’d take my friends over a mediocre relationship every time

donajimena · 30/05/2019 12:29

I am in a relationship but after years of playing the dating game if it went tits up I'd happily remain single. I mean this 100%. I used to hear people saying that they were happy single and think they were fibbing. I know now they weren't. I don't know whether its because I'm finally comfortable being me.

WhiteDust · 30/05/2019 12:32

Not at all weird. I have a DH but I doubt very much that I would enter into another relationship if I found myself single. Not because DH is 'the only one' but because I don't find many people attractive in that way. I have been and I'm sure I will be again, happily single.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 30/05/2019 12:33

It's not strange in the slightest. It's a very liberating situation. I describe myself as 'single' but I have fleeting liaisons on an occasional basis. I'm completely content with the status quo at present Smile

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 30/05/2019 12:34

I agree with what VaggieMight said! being single is very liberating!

ems137 · 30/05/2019 12:36

Not at all. I absolutely love being single (not single now though). If me and DH were to split up I'd definitely stay single for ages

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/05/2019 12:39

I‘m in a happy relationship but if I became single again, I can’t imagine drumming up much enthusiasm for dating. Too few princes out there, and I can’t be bothered kissing frogs any more!

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 30/05/2019 12:44

I’ve been single for almost 10 years now. I’ve never been so contented.
I really can’t be arsed with dating and i can’t see that changing any time soon.

QueenBeex · 30/05/2019 12:45

I don't think you're weird at all for this.

madcatladyforever · 30/05/2019 12:47

I think a lot of people can't cope without a relationship, but I'm with you. I think it helps being older and at 57 I have no desire whatsoever for another relationship and all the hassle that brings.
I'm not reliant on a man for a home or money and I have friends to go out with and my DS and DiL are wonderful.
I've never been happier.

ComeOnGordon · 30/05/2019 12:47

I couldn’t agree more. I’ve not had sex for nearly 2 years since I realised exH was cheating on me and I have absolutely no interest in dating. I can’t be bothered with having to put another person’s needs first - I’ve got enough of that with the kids.

I’ve got a very good vibrator if I feel horny and it’s a guaranteed orgasm every time which I can’t say was the case with exH.

I’m not saying I’ll never date again but I’m not looking for a relationship so he’d have to be amazing to make me want to even tey

letsdolunch321 · 30/05/2019 13:11

Have to agree with all the ladies who would/are happy to be single. If my relationship fails I'll be rising a glass to being single - I'm too old for faffing around with kissing a lot of frogs to find my prince - sod that !!

Spacecadetagain · 30/05/2019 13:21

At 47and after a marriage ending after 16 years and recently walking away from a horrible 2.5 year “ situanship”with an abusive man I can say I have no desire to be inna relationship ever again . I’m happily learning bout myself . Concentrating on my dcs and things I love and I don’t feel lonely or unhappy . In fact I feel happier than I have done for years . I’ve made the decision to actively not date and concentrate on myself and tbh I can’t see that changing now

Original poster
anyname147 · 30/05/2019 17:04

Wow it’s great to read all your replied everyone. I feel loads better. I just thought I was a bit odd to still not miss having a partner (even a short term date) after so many years. I can understand wanting a relationship more if one hasn’t got kids, but for post-kids breakups I wonder why a lot/most women seek out relationships when being single is so great - or at least, outweighs the negatives of being in a relationship!

OP posts:
FabledChinHair · 30/05/2019 17:25

Nothing wrong with that at all. I find it more depressing that people have to be with someone. This is why we have this board full of failed relationships.

Original poster
anyname147 · 30/05/2019 17:45

Lol

OP posts:
Spacecadetagain · 30/05/2019 18:23

Apologies for the dreadful spelling in my post .. my phone is being a t**t

NeverSayFreelance · 30/05/2019 18:39

Prior to DP, I was single for 7 years and only started considering dating a few months before I met DP. I was perfectly happy! I liked my freedom, not being tied down, never having my heart broken (I had previously been in a toxic relationship), not having to prove myself to anyone. I really enjoyed the independence. If it makes you happy then that's great! Enjoy your freedom!

Closetbeanmuncher · 30/05/2019 18:47

Agree with VaggieMight

People who move from one to the next are often somewhat emotionally stunted in one way or another.

The idea of a relationship is sometimes appealing but the reality for me is that my life is full and its just another plate to spin.

I don't want any interference with the dynamic, and it sounds like you don't either op.

Tell you friends to bugger off 😂

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 30/05/2019 18:47

I hear you op. Happily single here after leaving stbexh 2 years ago and am thriving! I have wonderful, well adjusted dc, an adored family pet, new job that I love, proper girlie lunches and nights out, great holidays planned, and finally feel truly happy iykwim. What I find truly weird though, is family and some (partnered) friends that seem to feel sorry for me when they have to constantly compromise to be in a relationship - something that I now refuse to put up with. I think being genuinely happily single makes some people uncomfortable.

pineapplebryanbrown · 30/05/2019 18:53

I love being single, it's fabulous not having to consider anyone else.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 30/05/2019 19:04

I'm single and definitely not looking. I don't want more children, and I provide a very nice life for us, so those factors are not driving me.

My friends don't get it at all - I can't mention that I'm going to a wedding/party/ANY social event without someone saying "Ooh, maybe you'll meet a nice man!". It's as if they think there's no other reason to go anywhere or do anything.

If I thought going to a party would land me in a relationship, I would stay home!

VaggieMight · 30/05/2019 19:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Bluerussian · 30/05/2019 19:08

It's very good to be content with what you have and who you are. Well done you!