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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it strange to not want to date/have a relationship?

46 replies

anyname147 · 30/05/2019 12:16

Just wondered what peope thought. I have been very happily single for 6 years - no dates at all in this time. I am very fulfilled and not lonely. Friends do keep on at me to find a date, but I have no time nor inclination to.
Is this weird? Is this a common situation to be in? Or does this make me a sociopath or something! I came out of a 20 yr relationship 6 years ago and i have kids, whether this is relevant or not.
Is anyone else in the long-term happily men/relationship-free zone?

OP posts:

JK1773 · 30/05/2019 19:11

Another here who loves my single life. I have good friends to socialise with, a fulfilling job, my own home. I enjoy family holidays, weekends in or out or just whatever I fancy. Been treated badly by my previous partners, not that there’s been many. I’m not frightened of another relationship but I just don’t want one. I’m happy as I am, truly. I have neither the time nor the inclination to start again

TurboTeddy · 30/05/2019 19:26

Single for a couple of years now and never been happier with life. Can't imagine having a relationship now. I don't rule it out for the future but I'm not looking and don't feel my life is lacking. I have a great group of friends and never feel lonely. In fact I feel truly liberated now I no longer feel the pressure to conform to the norm of partnering up. It's great to hear that other people are also not responding to that expectation and are leading happy and fulfilled lives.

motherofcats81 · 30/05/2019 20:10

Not at all weird! I'm single and about to have a baby on my own, I previously did want a relationship but having been through quite a lot of shit ones and now having the baby I always wanted I'm not sure I'll ever want one again! People keep saying to me I'll probably meet someone down the line and maybe but it would have to be someone pretty amazing to tempt me out of my solo life. I like it, and I think with me and the bab I'll like it even more, i don't want to be a wife really (tried it very briefly). There's great freedom and contentment in being single. I'm sure I'll have the odd liaison down the line, but hitching my time wagon to someone else's again? Doubt it.

People who are in relationships I think sometimes struggle with the concept of their happy single friends, it makes them question their own choices or they genuinely don't believe it because they wouldn't be. But don't let that make you question yourself if you are happy!

Lifeisabeach09 · 30/05/2019 20:16

Happier single also. I thrive out of relationships. I struggle to manage energy, time and emotions in them.
I prefer not to date but I like the occasional fling (although these are rare.)

chockaholic72 · 30/05/2019 20:22

I'm pretty introverted so find it hard to let people in. I'm 46, single, no kids and pretty settled. I do what I like; potter on my allotment, go for long bike rides, adventurous holidays or camping and fell walking - I love it. Sometimes it would be nice to have a man in my life but I wouldn't want to get married, or him to move in, or merge bank accounts or anything. So no, it's not odd. It's ace.

Flyingsouthwiththeswallows · 30/05/2019 20:31

Not wierd at all, I am with you all the way.

I have been widowed since I was relatively young and have no desire to be in another relationship. A few months of OLD a decade ago convinced me that I was much, much, happier alone.

I do what I want, when I want, with friends that really matter to me. My life is very full and very happy !!

SuntanC · 30/05/2019 20:48

I'm so happy to read this thread! Thanks OP for posting. In my teens/20s and early 30s I went from one LTR to another almost immediately and ended up with a fair few nightmares as a result of just wanting 'someone'. Now been single for ten years and they have honestly been the happiest and most stress free of my adult life. Glad to see there are others, as I know some people think I'm a bit eccentric for not wanting a partner! Cheers to different choices for everyone

Anniegetyourgun · 30/05/2019 21:13

If friends/colleagues agonise over my terrible singleness I just tell them I am saving myself for the millionaire of my dreams. If he fails to turn up, so be it.

Katastrophy · 30/05/2019 21:15

I have been single for 9 years and I'm not too fussed about being in a relationship. I have found it is some of the people around you that have a problem with it. It really irks me! Almost like you are defective in some way!

bebebutton · 30/05/2019 21:26

I've been single for 4 years.

I have no desire to date and the thought of kissing someone revolves me!

I don' t think that is a particularly good way to be but i just like to do my own thing and put the kids first . The ydont see their Dad so i have no 'me' time anyway.

I do wonder if i will regret being on my own and not dating in 10 years but is till can't force myself to do it. I think being on your own and happy is good.

Original poster

anyname147 · 30/05/2019 22:44

Such great comments from everyone- many thanks! Sounds like you all voice my thoughts entirely.

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 30/05/2019 22:50

Happily married here but if anything were to happen I don’t think I’d want another relationship. Couldn’t deal with all that dating stuff now and then the compromising and dealing with someone news bad habits that drive you mad. No thanks.

sosickofthisshit · 30/05/2019 22:57

No not at all. I spent 17 years in a miserable relationship, and I have absolutely no desire to do it again. Happily single and I can see myself staying that way

LittleCandle · 30/05/2019 22:59

Threw XH out 10 years ago and can honestly say that I would never want another relationship. I really couldn't be arsed with the dating crap. I am quite happy single, thank you very much.

SpanishTiles · 30/05/2019 23:11

Exactly that @LittleCandle! except two years instead of ten. Im learning to love myself and thats enough for me!

ReanimatedSGB · 30/05/2019 23:50

I'm in my 50s, have never either married or lived with a partner. I had a few 'serious' relationships (none lasted longer than a couple of years) in my late 20s before realising that serious couplehood was just Not For Me. I suppose the closest I came to it was with someone I dated when I was late 30s, but a) it wasn't monogamous and b) I just got bored after a while. Since having DS, I have had a few brief FWB arrangements and a 6-month fling three years ago, but never been really interested in anything more than that.
I'm on good terms with DS' dad and we are 'family' but he and I are not a couple (he is a lot like me in this respect, just not really into couplehood.)

I don't think couple-relationships are all that good for women, TBH. Unless you're very lucky, you always end up being some man's servant and support mechanism.

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/05/2019 01:06

I think being single with children is a different kettle of fish to living completely alone. Part of me dreams of it, the other part feels a bit scared.

pineapplebryanbrown · 31/05/2019 01:07

However I can solve that by just getting even more dogs!

AgentJohnson · 02/06/2019 17:01

Single for ten years and wouldn’t give up the independence I found not being in a relationship.

boxlikeamarchhare · 02/06/2019 17:09

I am newly single after nearly two decades of marriage. I was very happily single for seven years before I met H and am looking forward to living life as I want to.

I am at many of my friends who have turned matchmaker, seriously two of them have been trying to get me on blind dates with their husband’s friend, colleague, gardener etc.,etc.

Some people just think that you absolutely need to be in a relationship.

Original poster

anyname147 · 03/06/2019 08:30

Agree with ‘ReanimatedSGB’ - men seem to thrive on relationships- they do better in their careers, seem to have less health problems etc because women help & support them. I think women on the other hand, get dragged down by relationships and constantly sacrifice our time/interests etc for the man’s sake. You would probably have to be very lucky to find a partner where you aren’t being comprised time & priority wise.

OP posts:

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