I really need some advice or help as I can’t seem to come to a conclusion myself on what to do next, I feel so stuck, trapped and suffocated in my relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with my daughter’s father for 5 years. She will be 3 soon. Ever since we had a baby he became a lot more controlling. Initially before we had her he would tell me what I could or could not wear, would tell me to change my clothes if he didn’t like it (he still does this now) he would get angry if I spoke to any other guy whether it was a colleague or friend. Would also dictate who I should speak to or spend my time with and what I can share with my friends and family to the point that I literally have not seen any of my friends in about 2 years.
When I was pregnant he didn’t want me to tell anyone until a certain point and didn’t allow me to decide that for myself. He wouldn’t let me post any photos of me being pregnant as apparently it’s our journey and no one else’s and didn’t care what I had to say. When my daughter was born I was so ecstatic I wanted to message my friends but he wouldn’t let me. Then the real hell began. He started timing when I breastfed, telling me when my daughter had, had enough and scolding me consistently for nearly 6 months on how I breastfeed too much and that he knows better. He only stopped when I told him to do so and stood up for myself. But he made sure to make me feel bad about it. He also wanted to know everywhere we went, my daughter and I and didn’t want me posting any photos of her or sharing photos of her with family or friends. Didn’t want anyone holding the baby and constantly questioned everything I did. His excuse was it was his way of being involved and making sure he’s a part of our life.
To this day he still does all of this and more, constantly disagreeing with me on how to parent as apparently I’m too loving and too soft. He believes in harsh discipline and now my daughter is getting older and having tantrums as young children do he literally gets so angry every time she cries and tells her repeatedly to stop crying rather than comforting or trying to emphasise with her as he says he can’t deal with a crying toddler. He blows up all the time about minuscule random things and I feel like I’m constantly on egg shells. He has no idea how to look after our daughter and when he does watch her his priority is not to feed her but be on his phone most of the time.
He also is adamant about raising our daughter Christian even though I am agnostic and he won’t even let me have a say on her spiritual upbringing as apparently I don’t even have a faith or any spiritual motive so I shouldn’t have a say.
There’s so much more to this but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t trust him with our daughter even though he always says he has her best interest at heart but if we split up he’s adamant he will have her every weekend. I want what’s best for our daughter which is to have a relationship with her dad but not at the cost of me being in a controlling relationship.