Please help is this wrong of me? Do I have a right to keep this baby?

[Katie321516]

Please don’t judge me or call me stupid I met this man believed every thing he said. met him on a night out spent 4 days with him. I dont know where he lives and aparently he doesnt have a phone. i had sex with him only once without protection i did get the norning after pill aftrwards. He came back a week later spent 2 days with me and i havent heard from him since that was 3 weeks ago. just found out im pregnant the morning after pill didn’t work. I want to keep the baby do I have a right to after a one night stand when he doesn’t get a say? He obviously sees me as a nothing one night stand and doesn’t care for me at all plus he has other kids would it be unfair of me to have the baby? I messaged his best friend telling him the news so sure it will get back to him I can only imagine as I don’t know but I assume he’d feel angry and like he wished he’d never had sex with me and see it as a huge mistake and would probably tell me he wants me to have an abortion. Should I consider his feelings or just do what I want to do I’m so confused.

Whatever you decide OP, please get an STI check asap. He doesn't sound very responsible.

Of course he has a phone. There is a reason you don't have the number or his address. I suspect that reason is his wife.

Keep the baby if you want to, obviously. But the wife and his other children deserve to know what's going on, and your baby should not be kept a secret from anyone.

Thanks everyone I know like I said I know I was stupid just got carried away in the moment he really did have some serious charm going on 🤦🏼‍♀️ I didn’t even fancy him at first. I messaged his friend because I have no way of contacting him and all though I found it really embarrassing thing to do really wanted to let him know and it was my only hope. Not that I’m expecting anything but still thought it was only right that he knows. Thank you for all your replies just been feeling really bad about my desicion.

If the first date lasted four days and he stayed at hers, and he then came back for two days I'd have guessed he was homeless.

I don't think this. I think he just using the OP for sex and coming round when he fancies a bit.

morning after pill - please check with dr or pharmacist -

Absolutely you have a right to make whatever decision you feel is best.

But do think this through carefully. How old are you OP? I don’t want to be mean but you sound very very naive or very young? Are you sure you have very seriously examined what your future will look like going forward? Who will support you, how does this fit in with your plans for your future etc.

He sounds like a lying, feckless arse and not someone I would choose to tie myself to with a baby. Although as people have pointed out, he will most likely not be seen for dust. Good luck with however you decide to go. X

Just really think it through

It's your body and your decision.
Don't worry about what he says.
If you can cope as a single parent and give this baby, love, a roof over it's head, food, warmth, care, etc.....
Then you can go it alone.
It's no picnic though!

Your body. Your decision.
Do you want to have the baby?
Are you in a stable financial situation to be able to bring up the baby and provide for all its needs?
You can't count on this idiot to help.
You ask if you have the right to keep the baby after a one night stand without his say so. Of course you have the right to do so.
If you want the baby and are able to care for it then keep it.

What do you mean @mumwan?

I think you would have more problems if he DOES decide he wants involvement- now or in the future...

OP, in the nicest possible way you sound quite vulnerable here. How old are you? Are you really at a point in your life where you want to raise a stranger's baby on your own? You don't know this man, if he comes back into your life and wants contact, that's a like a life sentence with someone unknown to you, he could be anyone. He could have a family history with genetic problems, are you prepared for that?
Of course, this is your decision but believe me, single parenthood is bloody hard even with financial support which you won't have. If you have time on your side, why make a decision that could limit the rest of your life now?
In your position, if I was under 40, I wouldn't go through with it. That's just me, no judgement, just think it through carefully. I can't see any good coming from trying to contact him again.

I think it’s your body and your choice to keep your baby. I would just make sure that if at all possible you have some real life support around. Can you speak to your mum / sister / auntie / a trusted friend? What is your work / housing situation like? There is support out there for those things if you need it. x

It's fine to keep the baby if you would be happy if it ended up that you had to:

a) do it all alone

or

b) manage with him being an obstructive and negative influence and making things difficult on purpose (I am not saying he would do this, but you don't know him so it's a possibility)

Be aware that (in the UK), to put him on the birth certificate he needs to go with you to the registration or to sign and have witnessed a form which he gives you to take with you (or you need to give him the same form which he takes).

His being on the birth certificate gives him equal parental responsibilities (which he may or may not choose to see as "rights")

(If you register the birth without him, and he wants to get put on the birth certificate later, a court is very likely to grant him this.)

He would be obliged to pay maintenance whether or not he is on the birth certificate, but the CMS is not reliable and you may find yourself without any financial support for him.

If you are sure you want the baby no matter what, go for it. If you're not sure, don't rush into a decision to terminate.

You don't need to consider his feelings about whether or not to keep the baby because he knowingly took the risk that you could get pregnant when he had sex with you, and particularly when he had unprotected sex with you.

Your body, your decision.

He could have made a different choice when he had sex with you.

He will be required to provide for his child financially but that is all.

you may find yourself without any financial support for him

I meant from him

This is such a huge decision to make - it's a lifelong decision.

You didn't want a baby with him and took the MAP. He doesn't want a baby with you. Are you sure you're making the right decision by having a baby at this point in your life?

Ask his wife what she thinks.

In your position and speaking as someone who’s raising 2 children alone, I would not keep it. Of course it is up to you but this child will grow up without a parent, probably never knowing who their father is, you will have to raise it alone and people will ask who the dad is and why he isn’t involved. Raising a child is not easy even with both parents, I wouldn’t chose to do it completely alone.

I would get and abortion and not even tell him, never contact him again, he used you for sex and didn’t give a fuck what he passed on to you or if he made you pregnant.

Ask his wife what she thinks

Dontcha just hate it when you try to be all cool and bitchy and just come across a bit daft? 🤣

It's highly unlikely if he stayed for four days on the night she met him that he's married. I'd assume he's a homeless man she's hooked up with as said.

You don't know where he lives but you have his best friends contact details? Odd.

Of course you have a right to keep the baby. You are never doing the "wrong" thing by keeping the baby. You need to do what's right for you. As others have said I wouldn't be expecting anything from this man, so make this decision under the assumption that you will be doing this alone.

I hope that everything works out ok, whatever you decide to do x

I wouldn't supopose he's that bothered OP, but if your did it sans le protection I'd also advice a visit be to the GUM clinc to make sure he hasnt given you any other little presents along with the babe;!.

Like PP you should do what you think best for you and the baby under the assumption your baby won't have an involved father. If you feel you can cope alone emotionally, financially and practically (consider what other support you have available - for example if you were in hospital who could take the child) then go for it.

He had sex with you without a condom. He doesn't get to have a say in what happens with your body after putting his semen in you. Do what you want to do. It's far from ideal, yes, but if you want the baby then that's your choice.