First time dating a woman ...is this normal?

[sallytin]

I had liked a woman for ages,we shared mutual friends.
She also told me she fancied me and we kissed.
We've only seen each other with these friends.
The other day I said we don't have to see each other with friends,we can do something alone and she said that's a odd thing to say...I was pretty much asking her out,don't know why it was weird.
We have slept together the second time I stayed over.
We text daily and have made plans (with friends ) to do something on Saturday night.
When she's drunk she's all over the place,she talks and dances with anyone.
She started dancing with another woman when I was out with her so I just went to the toilet.
The other night I called her "mate" in conversation and she said "noooo don't say mate,you aren't my mate"
Well what the hell am I then?
She's very socially awkward and is a bit weird but I like her.
I'm just confused what this is.
She doesn't say and I'm not a mind reader.
What do I do?

Maybe she doesn't know what it is either? Have you asked her what she wants? Does she know what she wants? Do you?

From the description, you don't sound like her mate, certainly - you sound maybe like a FWB?

I'd stay well clear, she sounds a nightmare

I don't have a clue either.
I like her and like spending time with her but it's annoying that it's always with friends.
She's so laid back and you can tell she loves the women.
She apparently (according to friends ) doesn't like to talk about these things.
She said she's never been on a "date" in her life.

She said to me that she thinks she would drive me mad.
She said her ex's thought she flirted a lot but she was just being friendly.
She's so fun and such a laugh to be around.

Well, if you just want a bog-standard relationship - dating, getting closer, eventually maybe moving in together - but she doesn't even want to start dating, then you're trying to get blood from a stone.

Personally I'd want to be with someone a lot keener on me than her behaviour suggests.

That's what I don't get.
She texts daily.
She organised us to do things (in a group) not on our own.
Yet we share a bed together.
She's also on tinder.
Even tho we have been getting closer.
I feel like I'm never enough.

Is she embarrassed to be with you for some reason - does she act like you're a couple when together, but not when others are around?
Maybe she really just wants to be FWB with you. If you don't want that, best thing would be to stop going to bed with her.

We've only been chatting etc for three weeks and seen each other three times.
I'm starting to get to know her more now.

If you want to date her, you're going to have to actually ask her out on a date. If she gets all funny about that and starts acting all "mysterious" and "hard to get", you're going to have to decide whether or not you can be arsed at all.

When I said about us spending time alone she said I'm welcome to hers anytime.

Did you invite yourself round?

TBH it sounds like she's a bit of a flirt and has no interest in being monogamous...

@FuriousVexation when ? You mean previously ?

You're going to need to have an honest conversation arent you?

Go round to hers one night, and say you need to know what's going on with you, if she wants to be exclusive (do you?)

Take it from there I guess.

What would you think / do if a bloke behaved this way

Might be a good thing to consider

Sounds like she's enjoying herself and doesn't want exclusivity. How old are you both

She is 38 and I'm 35.
She's just got out of a bad relationship with a ex who was a bit violent so maybe she's just having fun and who could blame her really I guess.

Gosh, it's only 3 weeks in, take a chill pill.

I am chilled,would just be good to know if she sees me as a friend or does fancy me etc
She doesn't give a lot away.

Is she in denial? I’ve encountered a few women like this. If you’re happily bi and only want a bit of fun then just take it where it comes. If you’re an out lesbian and you want a relationship then swerve fgs. I don’t know a single lesbian who hasn’t been messed around by women like the one you describe and they always end up getting hurt. It’s happened to me and it sucks.

If you’re happily bi and only want a bit of fun then just take it where it comes. If you’re an out lesbian and you want a relationship then swerve fgs

What massive stereotyping! Some bi people want a relationship. Some lesbian's want a bit of fun

Sounds like a FWB. Nothing more. (To her) You'll have to ask her how she sees it. It's a bit too early for a heavy conversation, it's only been 3 weeks!

I'm bisexual and this is actually the first woman I've been with.
She's been a out lesbian for over 15 years.
She has asked me a lot about when I last slept /fancied a man etc
Maybe she's unsure if it's a phase
I don't know really

How did you meet her?