Will he ever...

[freshairshine]

Bit of a long arse one....
So been with my dp (50) for 2.5 years, I'm 40. He's widowed of 16 years, but had a long term since this that wasn't pleasant.
I'm divorced.

Both extremely happy together, can't live together yet because of both having children and circumstances atm.

However, we have spoke about living together and he basically stays at mine 90% of the time and contributes so I dont feel he's a cocklodger.
He is very tentative, spends every spare moment with me, when he's not with me he texts or calls, we are glued at the hip, very much in love.

So... when we talk about our future he says I want to marry you, I will marry you, blah blah .... then that's it...

This weekend one of my friends got engaged another friend of the family got married and I was showing him the pics on fb. I said how beautiful she looked and the theme was wicked... he then said I want to marry you, I want to spend my life with you , but because he often says it I'm kinda getting irritated by it now because if he wanted to marry me he would have ask me. I'm starting to feel that I'll be over it if he ever does ask and the special moment will be gone. I don't really know why I'm fixed on this tonight but it's getting to me. I guess I'd like commitment, where my colleague said to me today what's a ring ... just enjoy what you have , I said to her I'd like to feel worthy enough to marry one day ...
I just wish he'd stop saying it, when he said it last night I said 'yeah of course you do' the other week when we were together we were having a conversation and I said is there anything I could do to make you more happy he said ' yes be my wife one day' I replied saying that's up to you, then I pulled the reins back and said and up to me also because I thought to myself why should I let him think I'm hanging on the string hoping for that proposal... anyway I'm going on , sorry ladies , just need to get over myself I think and not focus on it , thanks for reading my blurb

He's probably waiting till you can live together. No.point marrying now and living apart

Maybe he hasn't thought of an actual 'down on one knee' type proposal?

To my mind saying “I want to marry you” is a proposal, to be followed (by you) with, “I accept, let’s go and look at rings “.

When he says that, I would say are you asking me to marry you?

Your responses sound a bit “that’s nice dear” - where’s your enthusiasm? He’s being quite explicit

So why don't you start talking about it & planning it?

Thank you all, I've never really thought of it that way, I guess I've always thought the down on one knee type thing. Or like the other lady said maybe until we can live together.... I don't know. Next time he says it I will say is that a proposal and see where that leads too... I will keep you posted x

I think you need to be clear. Tell him the next time he brings it up that you'd rather he made a formal proposal so that the two of you can make plans together.

What’s the rush? Just enjoy the now

"Yes, be my wife someday" sounds like a bloody proposal to me. You should just say yes next time and get on with it.

Although if you're not moving in together anytime soon I'm not sure why you're getting antsy about it.

I think I'm just thick as pig shit, but I always think what if he's just saying it , ticks a box , shuts her up , basically he has a 18 year old and I have two younger teens, he owns but not big enough for us to merge , I rent and again not big enough to merge, I can't afford to buy, so what we've spoke about is when his child flys the next he will sell and move in with me with the possibility of buying as I'd get discount on mine... but this can't happen yet because obviously the 18 year old. The 18 year old practically lives there alone as he's here most of the time, probably stays 5 nights a week and does contribute. The 'will he ask' I guess I just want a bit of commitment, but I don't know why my brain in on jaw lock with this .... I'll get over myself I'm sure.

Why don't you ask him? It seems like he's saying all the right things. Definitely makes sense to live together before you get engaged though

Another viewpoint here OP:

What's the rush with making the 18 year old homeless?.... Will you be moving your kids out as soon as they turn 18?

You seem to have the ideal set up at the moment OP for All of your children.

Just think about that from his perspective for a minute...

That's the disappointing thing , we can't live together yet, although we practically do. It feels like a marriage but a strange one, we do everything together, cook, clean , gardening, shopping. He goes to his to make sure everything is ok there then comes straight back. I just really want to feel enough, like 'good enough ' to put a ring on it. A hairbo ring would do its not about the rock it's my need I think to want to feel I'm marriage material. I wonder if it stems back to my marriage, he made me feel worthless, he's also getting married next month , my brother is planning a surprise proposal to his gf, which I've helped him arrange , I recon I'm just green eyed , kick up the arse I think and just try and not think about it

'His perspective' being your partner's that is...

@alwayslearning789 crossed thread then, good point, it's not about making the 18yr old homeless, I'd happily be under one roof , but he he was to sell I couldn't contribute to a bigger place for us all to live under. I probably have got the perfect set up, it's just me having a moment

I understand OP, and it's okay to feel the way you do, only natural.

I have no immediate solutions, but just wanted to say sounds like a good man you have got there:)

I know he is , and thank you , it's good to throw my thoughts on here and get them out , thank you x

He does sound like a nice bloke and you could just say to him what you've said to us.

I'm not normally a believer in long engagements - generally once you've decided, I tend to think you should just crack on with it. However it might suit you both down to the ground. Talk to him about it and maybe don't wait for a big proposal, that he is probably nervous to do for fear of you saying no.

@Attache thank you I'll wait until the next time a grow a pair , thank you to everyone xx

I would just reply “Then why haven’t you asked me yet?” Maybe he’s saving for a ring or waiting for the right moment x

@MsGrey14 true, yes that's what I'll say I'll know then by the response if it's hot wind 😂

"Next time he says it I will say is that a proposal and see where that leads too... I will keep you posted x"

I think this is perfect. Please do let us know. I think the fact that you are both being so considerate of your children actually bodes really well for your long term future together.

I don't think "Why haven't you asked me" is the right answer. You shouldn't have to wait for him to ask.
The right answer is "Good. Let's set a date. I'll get my diary."

You don't have to wait for 'a proposal'
You can just have a conversation about it!