Ex's mum dying - do I break 6 months NC?

[mjv123]

Hoping for some advice/gentle words/support.
I've heard this past week, that my ex's mum is dying and has just days left.
It's 7 months since we broke up, it didn't end well. I made a couple of attempts at contact in the month after, but gave up as I didn't get a response.
I then decided to go for NC, and I've made 6 months now. (He did break that a couple of months ago, giving me a message through a friend).
I know that we are no longer in each other's lives, but I'd feel really bad if if I didn't acknowledge what's going on.
She got poorly towards the end of our relationship, and we spent a lot time talking about it. He is very close to her, so I know he will be struggling.
I don't want to 'go back there', if you know what I mean, but I still care.
Do I reach out to say I'm thinking about him and his family or should I let a 'sleeping dog' lie?

Let sleeping dogs lie.

No way. You went NC for a reason, probably many reasons. It's sad his mum is dying but he will be able to get through it without you. Don't open that can of worms.

Leave it. The last thing on his mind right now will be you

I think for me it would depend on a few factors, how long you were together and your relationship with his mum.

I am sorry to hear this though x

It obviously massively depends on how it ended, but I would have reached out to my ex in these circumstances. Just let him know they are in your thoughts.

Absolutely not

I would send him an acknowledgment of her illness, a thinking of you message. Then see what happens, he may need someone to just listen, and whatever went on, you were in love once

I would send a message saying thinking of you and leave it at that

I know I'm the last thing on his mind, and rightly so.
I know if I was to reach out, it would be with genuine reason. Not 'giving to receive'.
I've hesitated so far, for fear of opening the wounds and being seen as using the occasion to broach the subject of 'us' which I'm absolutely not. That relationship is over.
I got on well with his mum, she was so lovely.

No, let it be. If he wants to talk to you about it he’ll get in touch, but this time is about him and his mum, nothing else.

I wouldn't.

Are you just NC because he didn’t respond or are you NC for another reason?

If it’s just the former I would just send a message but make sure it didn’t sound romantically leading in anyway and just like a supportive friend.

Grief does funny things to people, and you contacting him may skew his thinking towards reconnecting with you as a crutch which is not healthy or OK for either of you. You are adamant you don't want to be with him, that could change when you see someone you once loved so broken. Or you could be firm and he could look for more and you could hurt him even further. Sleeping dogs lie is the best and only way, of course mention your commiserations if you bump into him but don't seek out contact!

Absolutely not. Losing a parent is intensely difficult, don’t make it harder.

I don't think I would offer my shoulder to cry on at all. He will be quite emotional and might read more into your kindness. Leave it be. No doubt he will have other people in his life now who can help if he's struggling. When she dies send a card to the family. Personally, I wouldn't t be sending messages now telling him that you are thinking of him.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I think it would be a kind gesture. Whatever he's done in the past, he's a human being who is about to lose his mum. It can be a very lonely time and there's often the feeling that the rest of the world is just carrying on as normal while something monumental is happening.

I'd send a card with a short note to let him know you are thinking of both of them, nothing lovey dovey. If you could include a few sweet words about his mum, since you thought highly of her, I think it might mean a great deal to him.

@MiddleClassProblem Bit of both to be honest. I know I needed the time and space to process what had happened.

See I can agree with everyone's responses.
Part of me acknowledges the fact we're not each other's lives, and that this has nothing to do with me.
The other part of me, knows I still care and that I loved that man to pieces. I know that I have a caring heart and don't like to be seen as someone who is cold and unfeeling. Even though I can come across that way sometimes!

If there’s been no contact for 7 months I’m assuming you don’t have children together?

If you had children together (or children of your own who were fond of her) I’d say get in touch as you’d need to help to manage their feelings.

If not, then I’d leave it.

The other part of me, knows I still care and that I loved that man to pieces. I know that I have a caring heart and don't like to be seen as someone who is cold and unfeeling. Even though I can come across that way sometimes!

See all this is about how you feel. It’s not about how you feel about it.

It really depends on your relationship and break up.

Nope, no and no! This ain't about you. You are no longer in his life. Stay out of it!

Op this isn’t about you. Everything you’ve written is about what you want. A man’s mother is dying, this is likely to be the hardest time in his life. Just leave it. He will reach out if he needs/wants to.

I see how you would say that. But that's exactly not the way I want to come across. That's not who I am.
I know full well it's not about me. It's just me, trying to make sense of my feelings towards the situation.
Apart from the obvious, we had a great relationship. It didn't end well, mostly due to a breakdown in communication. We had an nasty argument, and then he ignored any communication I made after that.
But has since gone on to say he regrets the end, and hurting me.
So this has also played a part in how I feel about this, and as to whether is appropriate for me to reach out.
Sounds like a no from most responses.

You knew this was coming. I remember your previous thread. You are looking for excuses to make contact, still, because he never did when he told the friend that he would.

Move on, with your self respect in tact.

That relationship is over.
I got on well with his mum, she was so lovely.
...

I'd send a card with a short note to let him know you are thinking of both of them, nothing lovey dovey.
Instead of communicating with him directly perhaps send a message/card/letter to your ex-MIL instead? If you got on well with her before then she, or others in her family, might appreciate that and read the message out to her.

No. He will have other people to turn to for support, just as if you'd never met him. You are no longer part of each other's lives - let him process his emotions without your interference.