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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex emailing over £7

67 replies

BigRedLondonBus · 27/05/2019 12:28

I haven’t heard from my ex in one year. That’s the last time I spoke to him. He hasn’t made any contact since. He last seen our four children 2 years ago. Well today I get an email from him moaning that cms are taking SEVEN yes SEVEN pounds from him a week.

Can he get much worse?! Not “how are my children?” no, just that I should “stop running to the cms” he hasn’t paid a penny this whole time but moans that he now has to pay the grand total of £7.

Don’t know how you can get much worse tbh. Should I just close the case? Doesn’t seem worth having it open

OP posts:
sue51 · 27/05/2019 13:22

If he stops claiming UC how will he live? Does he have a partner who is enabling him to be a complete arse? Don't close the case.

MitziK · 27/05/2019 13:24

It's about 10% of his income. Manageable when earning, but when he's getting £73 a week, that 10% makes a hell of a dent in the food, council tax contribution, heating, electricity and soap powder budget, along with the cost of running a phone to be able to make the claim/fulfil jobseeking requirements/travel to signing on appointments/etc.

If he lives across London, he wouldn't be able to afford the bus and train fares to see them even if he wanted to.

TheFaerieQueene · 27/05/2019 13:26

I think that prison is the place for these feckless excuses who won’t support their children.

Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 27/05/2019 13:27

He hasn’t had any income in the whole of this two years so I’m sure he will survive. Cash in hand or renting out his place again. This is the first payment we have had in 2 years but it’s not due till the 14th. He actively avoids work so he won’t have to pay. So I know he won’t be getting a job.

OP posts:
ItsHardToExplain · 27/05/2019 13:28

I would make sure he pays even it was 7p.
If you don’t want to spend the £7 now just put it in a savings account each week for the kids for when they are older. It will pay for a drunken weekend away when they are 18 Grin and you will have the satisfaction of knowing he paid you the money he didn't want to.

Newyearbollocks · 27/05/2019 13:29

@MitziK
Well he needs to get off his arse and get an job. If he isn't anything my ex he will fleece the system so he doesn't have to pay. I'm entitled to 12 or something a week for 4 of them.
Their father hasn't worked in a decade and more so that he doesn't have to pay. That and he is a lazy weed smoking arse who thinks he is entitled to whatever the government will give him.
He claims disability for mental health. I was watched him put food down his top before a meeting with the benefits team to make it look like he has mental health issues. He probably does but not in the way he claims.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/05/2019 13:31

As other pp have said, buy yourself £7 of wine, chocolate, smellies each week and keep the case open

Newyearbollocks · 27/05/2019 13:31

a job*
If he is anything like*
I once*
Please excuse me today I have the stomach flu Blush

HollowTalk · 27/05/2019 13:34

He'd stop claiming in order not to give his own children £7 per week?

If it wasn't for the kids' shame, this would really be something for the DM front page.

fecketyfeck21 · 27/05/2019 13:35

i wouldn't engage with him on this and certainly not sending sarcastic emails, be the better person, keep the cms open and ignore him.
your dc probably know what he's like they won't care about him.

Handsoffmysweets · 27/05/2019 13:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Redcrayons · 27/05/2019 13:39

Can't imagine why you let this prince amongst men go.

Surprises me how many men out there who don't feel compelled to pay for their children.

wonderwhat · 27/05/2019 13:43

Wow. You must really regret having him out of your life. What a pig. Don’t close the case! I’d leave it open deliberately even if it was for 1pence per week. I’d send a photo back of all the children dressed in fake tiaras and draped in fake furs with the caption “we are so loaded. We spent our “win” of £7 from our amazing father on diamonds and fur coats. There was so much money left over from that HUGE windfall of £7 that we are celebrating with a holiday to Barbados. Amazing how much £7 can get you these days. Wonder if we’ll have enough left over for that Ferrari we’ve got our eye on”
Then if he emails again just reply “hahaha £7”

Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 27/05/2019 13:46

He said he shouldn’t have to pay for children he doesn’t see. His reasons for not seeing are not financial, (I mean I would walk to see my kids tbh) he has had 2 years to get a job and hasn’t, in fact when he did have a job he told me he wouldn’t be able to see them anymore as he now works weekends and they are at school all week. Needless to say the job didn’t last as he said it was “too hard” standing up for 4 hours.

OP posts:
sue51 · 27/05/2019 13:47

Does he own his own home and rent out rooms? Can you report this to HMRC? I would not let him get away with this.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/05/2019 13:52

I wish sincerely that there was a proper way of getting money from these feckless fathers, even taking everything away from those who don't co-operate reasonably - and castrating them so that they can't father any more.

It's so, so unfair.

I haven't GreenTulip's sense of humour but I have a rusting pair of secateurs you could have, BigRedLondonBus? I'd pay the postage... Angry

sussexlady · 27/05/2019 13:58

Just ignore him don't give him the satisfaction of him even thinking you can remember who he is. These sort of men think they are so clever getting away with not paying for their children but they are the losers. There are going to be so many lonely old men out there one day who have nothing and nobody who cares about them

SchoolPanicTime · 27/05/2019 14:04

I wouldn't even grace that email with a reply. That guy is a giant arsehole.

Original poster
BigRedLondonBus · 27/05/2019 14:06

No he has a council property but is allowed to take in lodgers. That is a very tempting offer LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 27/05/2019 14:06

My ex is exactly the same. Will do anything to get out of paying for his ds.

If you cancel the CMS then he has won hasn't he.

Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/05/2019 14:13

I see it as your children's right to be maintained by both parents and therefor your duty to claim. It's not for you. It's for your children. With this in mind, I cannot see how a person could contemplate closing their claim for child support.
That's my view when I get called a cunt, unreasonable, demanding, unfair etc, etc, because I receive maintenance from the father if my child. I appreciate I'm one of the lucky ones.

But back to your predicament, OP, I think the best way to deal with this is to kerp the email to show your children one day, if necessary, but otherwise do not engage with this man. Leave him do it. You are only doing that which is right by your children. Fuck him.

AlexaAmbidextra · 27/05/2019 14:14

It's about 10% of his income. Manageable when earning, but when he's getting £73 a week, that 10% makes a hell of a dent in the food, council tax contribution, heating, electricity and soap powder budget, along with the cost of running a phone to be able to make the claim/fulfil jobseeking requirements/travel to signing on appointments/etc.If he lives across London, he wouldn't be able to afford the bus and train fares to see them even if he wanted to.

Fucking hell MitziK. Are you actually making a case for this irresponsible, feckless piece of shit? 😱

category12 · 27/05/2019 14:17

If he stops claiming benefits for this reason, well, he can't really need benefits and you're doing a Good Thing by putting him off claiming.

I've literally no idea why you would withdraw your claim. £7, if you get it, is money towards something and if he stops paying, well, it's not going to wipe you out.

If the worst he's gonna do is email you moaning and find a way of avoiding paying, well, that's stress and effort for him. I don't think it needs to be for you - just let his words roll over you (or don't even read them) and leave it to the CMS. Don't give it headroom. You might as well have the £& if he has it, and if he goes to such lengths to avoid paying, then it's saving the benefit system some money.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/05/2019 14:18

My DN's father was ordered to pay £5 pw. He didnt speak to his own son for over a decade because of that.

My ex pays nothing towards DD and he doesnt work or claim so I'd get fuck all anyway.

I think some men put their children in the same file as the ex. They cant separate the relationship with the kids with that with the mother. Dont like the ex, dont like the kids either because they came from her.

Starlight456 · 27/05/2019 14:18

Don’t respond . Leave the case open .

I get £7 a week from my ex . Not seen him in 9 years however it reminds him he has a child .

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