Husband using child's bike seat with no straps

[CircleofWillis]

Please help me to see if I am overreacting here. My husband rides a bike with a front bike seat for our daughter.

We have had it for many years and two years ago the plastic broke around the area where one of the straps are attached. This means that there is no way of securing her in her seat.

As soon as I found out I asked him to stop using it and he refused. I suggested we buy another bike seat and he refused. I bought another bike seat and he refused to use it. It is now too small for my daughter. I even thought about removing the old bike seat when he wasn't about but wouldn't have been brave enough to throw it away so didn't.

Today he is planning a 30 minute trip into central London with our child in the bike seat. I've asked him not to and told him how upset and anxious it makes me feel and even pointed out to him that if something happens he will probably be OK but she has a good chance of being seriously injured or killed on the roads. He has called me controlling and over dramatic and says he rides slowly and is very careful.

He has said this morning that he has been 'looking into new seats'. However he has been saying this off and on since I discovered the lack of straps. He has also said he will 'fix the straps' for this trip. The plastic has completely broken away where the strap would be so I don't believe he can do this.

Am I overreacting or would you let your child continue to ride with him in similar circumstances? I think I am very close now to just disposing of the seat.

My husband has many Asperger traits and can be very rigid and set in his ways. Often trying to insist on something can make him more entrenched in his ideas. I also know that getting rid of the seat without his permission will infuriate him. Am I being controlling or would this action be reasonable given I've tried to convince him on numerous occasions and even bought a new seat.

I’m glad he saw some sense. And that’s a positive. The aspergers board is great.

Thanks CircleofWillis, these guys are truly dementors.

You sound very frightened of him OP.

If something similar happened in my house and I refused to let my husband take our child out as I felt something was unsafe, there is no way he would physically wrench them out of my arms and take them away with us both highly distressed! I just cannot imagine something like that happening.

My heart is racing just reading this. OP, I am an avid cyclist. I cycle everywhere. I cycle with my kids on the back (with straps and helmets!) and never into Central London with them. I am aware of the risks closer to home, but my leafy neck of the woods in West London is so bike friendly. Risk is there the moment I go out the front door. Central London is mental. But strapped in with a helmet makes it more palatable.

I'm aghast! I really am. DH is one for risk taking. He's the guy who would have (never now but at one time, yes) taken the kids out tied to the back of a bike along the motorway. He was that guy. He still IS that guy- he just doesn't act on it. Why? Because you call bloody rank, OP. Get your bear claws out, grab your kid, and walk out of the house with a solid, diplomatically spoken "Fuck off if you think you can put our child at risk!"

OP, get your strength on for goodness sake. Get the current seat, bin it, buy a new one, put in on yourself! Please tell me you know how to do this! And does your DH wear a helmet? I bet he's geared up to the hilt in hi-vis, helmet included, but can't even strap your child in.

JustBresthing do you have a link to the Aspergers board? Nothing comes up in topics or when I try to search.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3524836-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-support-thread-4-replacement-one

There were a few before, so you might want to start from the beginning or just jump right in! People there will have much more of an understanding

There were a few before, so you might want to start from the beginning or just jump right in! People there will have much more of an understanding

Thank you JustBreathing

Aspergers he just doesn't see the danger . some people need to lay off her it is what it is and she's dealing . The problem is convincing some one who has no doubt in there mind they are right that they are in fact wrong.
Good luck with the search for the new seat .

In defence of many posters here, we read the original comment which does not mention aspergers, and reacted to that as it was shocking.

I personally have no experience of adults with aspergers and their parenting.
Only experience I have is my 6 year old DD and kids 11-18 at work. Apologies for not taking the full thread into account where it is later mentioned.

Glad to hear your DH brought DC back safely, OP.

Ah OK it is at the bottom of the long original post - then I apologize once more but stand by advice of contacting police to see if the law could stop him as I would be very afraid and in panic mode.

I imagine a lot of people stopped reading (as I did) after the initial few scary paragraphs. No offense intended in any way and glad everything is OK.

I imagine that the OP instinctively understands that calling the police would be seen as "taking his child away from him", that it would make her his "enemy" who he would never forgive and that he would obsessively focus on revenge - potentially through family court. Also, the prospect of leaving such a parent alone with your child for a 50/50 custody split is terrifying (for reasons very well illustrated in the OP).

Enduring a marriage like this is a different world but ending it is almost impossible to contemplate. These men can seem lovely and mild to the outside world, but are terrifying behind closed doors.

What a jackass.

You also seem to be frightened to assert your own authority on the matter. Don't confuse aspergers with pig headedness (which is what he is being)