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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it just my paranoia?

37 replies

shakeitofff · 26/05/2019 23:25

My dp was texting a colleague of his at work. I did find and see the txts but nothing ever came of it (apparently).
Fast forward to a few weeks later. I've noticed her coming online the same time as my DP and then off again. It's so hard to tell but could it be possible they're still speaking together?
I checked through phone and there's ZILCH there. He deleted her number etc, I've tried looking everywhere - hidden files, notes, searching her number on his phone. Still zero. I'm inclined to think he keeps her number written down and will txt her when not there but just have no idea.
Am I being paranoid? Forgot to say, I have this woman's number (from when I caught him out) so that's how I check her last seen and all this week its been similar or same time as when dp has been online...

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 26/05/2019 23:28

It's not paranoid if it's true.
Does he call you paranoid?

OldWomanSaysThis · 26/05/2019 23:32

What are the texts about? Work? Play?

FuriousVexation · 26/05/2019 23:32

What did you actually catch him doing?

Original poster
shakeitofff · 26/05/2019 23:40

The texts I saw were a few months ago
And he promised to not text her again. There's been no texts since... but sometimes on WhatsApp I can see her being online when he is. I still think he's messaging her maybe?
But I've checked his phone n there's nothing there...

OP posts:
OldWomanSaysThis · 26/05/2019 23:41

But what do the texts say?

Original poster
shakeitofff · 27/05/2019 00:04

@OldWomanSaysThis

The texts I saw from awhile ago? We're vile, sexual messages, flirtatious, sometimes just talking about work

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 27/05/2019 00:32

You're likely right.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

VaggieMight · 27/05/2019 00:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Windmillwhirl · 27/05/2019 01:49

He's probably changed her name in his phone to a male name.

Check call log as he probably delete texts, WhatsApp messages

MsDogLady · 27/05/2019 03:59

He was cheating with this OW. Did you impose any consequences, such as having him leave for a while? I wouldn’t be able to trust his ‘promises.’

Franwith2and1 · 27/05/2019 08:05

Try typing her number into his phone as if you want to call it and it should then display the name it is saved under if it is in his phone.

Original poster
shakeitofff · 27/05/2019 12:25

@Franwith2and1

I have done this! Exactly what I have done searched her number in 07 form and +44 as well as I know sometimes it saves different, nothing is there! I've searched his phone high and dry- apps, gallery see if there's anything suspicious even notes
All that I can see is Samsung has a hidden folder app and I can't access that but you can't hide messages there apparently I googled it?

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 27/05/2019 12:29

What more are you looking for?
He did it, you don’t trust him. The end.
What are you waiting for? This is no way to live.

Original poster
shakeitofff · 27/05/2019 15:07

@Littlechocola

Yes he did it a few months ago but nothing since I'm just worried Incase he's still doing it - I.e txting her as I did say if he contacts her again, were through I just don't have any concrete proof only the fact that I've seen her online the same time as him!! But how is that feasible evidence?

OP posts:
WifOfBif · 27/05/2019 15:10

Could she have changed her number?

If they are talking it’s likely he’s deleting messages. If you go in WhatsApp to type a message it brings up frequently contacted in a list I think, unless that’s deleted too. Have you checked WhatsApp archived messages?

bigchris · 27/05/2019 15:21

Well if there no evidence you either finish it because you don't trust him or you forget about it , stop snooping and trust him

But it sounds to me like you'll never trust him again

Cersaj · 27/05/2019 15:21

shakeitofff, you don't need evidence to leave him. He's done it once, he'll do it again. You don't want to live the rest of your life looking for evidence against him.

SavingSpaces2019 · 27/05/2019 16:09

he'll have her stored in an app that's in the hidden folder.
Or she has a new number and it's saved under a male name.
You caught him out previously so he'll now be erasing all contact history that you would be able to find.

He broke your trust and showed you that he doesn't respect or love you like you the first time he sext another woman - why are you hanging around for more shit?

Chuchu2019 · 27/05/2019 16:28

Most likely he's written her number down somewhere or memerized it, whatsapps her when he's not with you and deletes all the messages before he comes home. It's quite easy to do and you'll never find the evidence you're looking for. It can't be a coincidence they're online at the same time every time you check

Original poster
shakeitofff · 27/05/2019 17:53

@Chuchu2019

This is exactly what I've been thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
shakeitofff · 27/05/2019 17:54

She definitely doesn't have another number her one is still active and being used

OP posts:
Chuchu2019 · 27/05/2019 18:11

Do you have access to his phone without him being there? There's 2 things you can do, either message her pretending to be him or you can actually check messages using a PC/laptop but you need access to his phone to be able to set it up, once it's set up he wouldn't be aware of it.

user1479305498 · 27/05/2019 18:20

The other thing is does he use whatsapp a lot for other people?? If not check in network and storage use on the whatsapp app, shows how many sent and received, keep tally’s and see if it matches with stuff in messages , if it’s going up a lot all the time but nothing within his messages then he’s certainly deleting ‘something’ .

Lefty1 · 27/05/2019 19:07

Sorry but why are you still with him? You has evidence before why do you need more now ? Nearly 8 billion on the planet ....

user1479305498 · 27/05/2019 20:19

I think sometimes people need repeat evidence to satisfy their reasons to move on, and more than a one off.

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