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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think my partner of almost three years may have been married before and not told me

37 replies

Petals23 · 26/05/2019 19:49

Nothing before today to suggest this, but earlier today we were watching a programme about couples keeping secrets. I jokingly said have you any big secrets like you've been married before or something? His reply, twice, was "who knows"? Maybe I forgot to tell you. " My reply was "you were not, sure that'd be a huge thing. " Then subject changed. This was all said in a light hearted way, but it's got me a bit worried!! What would people think?

OP posts:
RaspberryRiceCakes · 26/05/2019 19:51

I think you're jumping to an absolutely MASSIVE conclusion there if that's all that was said.

PicsInRed · 26/05/2019 19:51

Have you met his family?

PaintingOwls · 26/05/2019 19:53

You sound paranoid, he was just replying to your comment in a jokey way. Would you be afraid that he was a murderer of you had said "killed a man" instead of "been married" and said what he said?

EskewedBeef · 26/05/2019 19:56

You know what you get when you ask a silly question.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/05/2019 20:00

I think my partner of almost three years may have been married before and not told me
Is this being said in a light hearted way too?

Icandothisallday · 26/05/2019 20:12

Some people just cause trouble for themselves.

You jokingly asked. He jokingly replied and now you think he has been married.

Why have a joke if you cant take a joke?

What was the right answer? A very serious declaration of how he would never lie. That would be weird.

If your paranoia is kicked off by him making a joke, dont start joking around.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 26/05/2019 20:14

Did you not think to ask outright? "So have you been married before then?"

HollyBollyBooBoo · 26/05/2019 20:16

Why didn't you get serious and ask the question properly?!

UCOinanOCG · 26/05/2019 20:18

Surely you are not serious? You asked him a jokey questions and he responded with a jokey reply. There is nothing in this at all.

Original poster
Petals23 · 26/05/2019 20:23

He went quiet afterwards, seemed to be in a world of his own. It was just this alarmed me a bit, but maybe I am being paranoid. Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
Icandothisallday · 26/05/2019 20:26

OP, I know it's not the done thing but ibdid an AS in you to see if you are generally paranoid.

I have to ask, why are you with him? He moved away, drinks too much (for your liking), the relationship isnt going anywhere and you clearly dont trust him.

This relationship isnt making you happy. Dp you really want to be in it?

PeoniesarePink · 26/05/2019 20:31

He'd have needed to have provided proof of his divorce to get married again, and I'm fairly sure they check these things.

PicsInRed · 26/05/2019 20:32

So HAVE you met his family?
If you have, he probably doesn't have a secret marriage/family.

If you haven't, why not, after 3 years?

ChristmasFluff · 26/05/2019 20:45

OMG, I'm absolutely flabbergasted at some of the replies on this thread!

God help you all if you end up with a serial killer and expect him to answer the 'did you kill x,y, and z' in a straightforward way!

OP, his reaction is not normal, who knows why.

Your gut is screaming for a reason. Slow down. Get away slowly.

Run fast if you ever have the slightest inkling you need to.

Icandothisallday · 26/05/2019 21:16

ChristmasFluff what?

user1486131602 · 26/05/2019 21:27

Go online and check births death marriages on local council website.

justforareply · 26/05/2019 21:28

Peoniesarepink there is no 'they' who check
I was married before I married DH (and divorced) but only about 4 people knew and I was never asked

Original poster
Petals23 · 26/05/2019 22:31

Can't understand why he didn't just say "no" after I'd asked him a couple of times.

OP posts:
YetAnotherThing · 26/05/2019 22:37

Marriage certs are in public domain. I think you can see them on Ancestry. My DH discovered his gran had been previously married via Ancestry.

Justbreathing · 26/05/2019 22:50

Because you said it inn a joke way
And he replied in a joke way
Jesus!

Pipandmum · 26/05/2019 22:55

Isn’t it on your marriage certificate? Mine has me as spinster and my husband as divorced.

Original poster
Petals23 · 26/05/2019 23:05

We're not married.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 26/05/2019 23:10

How sad

Justbreathing · 26/05/2019 23:12

Just go to Somerset house. Miss marple style

FuriousVexation · 26/05/2019 23:22

(sitting on hands)

Just ask him OP! You're a grown up right?
"I'm probably being daft[insert local polite phrase for SEN] but you know the other day when you said....[whatever]
And I said [whatever]

It's made me think you don't want to see me any more.

Do you?"