DS says his dad's flat is 'home' not mine.

[Nomintrude]

I've been trying not to take it personally but this weekend he said it again and I've just plummeted into an anxious mess tbh. DS (6) keeps saying he wants to go 'home' while he's at my flat (ie at home!) - meaning his dad's. He's with me 5 nights out of seven. He says it's because he has more space there, because of Minecraft, because his dad takes him for walks along the canal and because his granny and grandpa are nearby (ex's parents have just moved from 3 hours away to 10 minutes down the road).
I just feel so miserable about it. We used to have such a lovely time together and now it's quite hard to get him to engage with anything. He mainly wants screen-based stuff. Any time he's not happy with something I've said or asked him to do, he says he wants to go home. I feel awful that he doesn't feel like this is his home and knowing that he struggles with feeling like he wants to be in both places at once . What on earth can I do? This is a relatively recent thing but he's been saying it on and off for a couple of months now, at least a couple of times a week. I'm hurt about it which I don't show obviously but mainly I'm worried about what is going on in his head.

Any advice would be so appreciated.

Branleuse he's with me every Sunday. His dad does the morning school run.

Fucks sake yourself.

You don't improve one parents relationship by diminishing the other.

Disgusting attitude.

Not only terrible advice but based on stereotypical assumptions which are completely wrong, as previously stated by the OP and now repeated.

Overdrive Why the need for such hostility? She's a loving mom struggling with a challenging diagnosis for her son and a recent divorce!

Sounds like your wee boy has a good relationship with both parents, that's lovely.

If you are concerned about screen time I'd suggest a Wii instead of a Switch. We have both, but Mario Karts on the Wii is great fun, but not as excessively absorbing as small screens. You can't buy then new but they are easy to pick up secondhand. If you buy an extra wheel and controller you can play together.

@EKGEMS

I was in no way being hostile to OP. I was referring to the posts by @Branleuse

I think OP sounds likes she's doing a grand job, and has a lot of respect for her ex's place in her sons life.

Overdrive I'm an idiot- pardon me

My DS decided to stay in the big country house with dad, rather than move to Council flat with me

Sorry to hear that

18 months is nothing. I still talk about "home" as being the house I lived in with my parents!

As a mum of 3 dcs with autism I'd now be a shrivelled husk rocking in the corner if I took some of the things they said personally. Your son sees his dad's place as fun because it's not the place he has to do all the humdrum getting ready for school and etc. And he's 6 so his appraisal of any given situation isn't going to be as well thought out as hours 😁.

I think I've just got to develop thicker skin really. He goes through different phases and for quite a long while only wanted me and not his dad so I was pleased when they hit on Minecraft as their 'thing', I think the problem is that he's so obsessive about it that nothing else comes close at the moment. I think because of splitting from his dad and his diagnosis I tend to read into things and panic that he's unhappy.

To be honest it's difficult to find things to do with him at the moment, he has such fixed ideas and is very demanding of my attention and hard to please, which I find rather draining. Maybe that's part of the problem - I'm struggling a bit to be a 'playmate' for him and since he's an only child he looks to me for that to a greater degree than he might if he had siblings.

If hes mentioning that he wants a cat, and you can possibly have a cat - even an indoor one - that may help him focus on spending his time at yours to be with his cat. Kids are fickle though anyway, try not to let him upset you. Theres every chance the situation will reverse countless times. Certainly did with my boys, they'd usually have a trophy parent depending on who they were getting most out of on any given day!

Why can't he live at his dads and you flip the situation. I know your situation is different due to his autism and probably the fact that the ex can just do the fun thing

But

Your ex has as much rights as you to have him if he wants and that's what your son seems to want at the moment...So..Aprr from you just wanting him to live with you, why can't he live with his dad.

It's probably something you will have to push through with your son and it may pass, but if he is truly happier there for whatever reasons, wouldn't you want him to be happy.

If your ex is horrible, neglectful etc then I understand why you wouldn't want it???

He probably just prefers his dad at present and his flat, children do have preferences.

Keep doing as you are. Give reasonable boundaries and communicate with his dad so you are doing similar. But you have to accept you are who you are and you need to have boundaries with this as well, you need to be yourself.

My dc moan about our home, having to spend time with me instead of dh/their dad (and vice versa) I think it is a common things for dc to do. I say, I'm sorry you feel that way, but that is how it is!