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Original poster

What would you do? Pissed.

35 replies

mamapart · 24/05/2019 21:06

Me and my partner broke up for a little bit and his family booked a holiday to Spain that we've been on for the past 2 years. When we got back together he said he was going to save up so we can go but what he didn't say was that his family said no to me going because of past issues that's are no longer relevant. It's for 2 weeks and he says he's still going so therefore expects me to stay behind with our daughter. I'm pissed. But he said it was already booked so don't matter. (I've already said to his mother about it but she ignores me about the subject)

OP posts:
bigchris · 24/05/2019 21:18

I'd expect more from him to be honest

Why wasn't it always the plan to take dd even if you were split?

His mum sounds a piece of work too

MyKingdomForBrie · 24/05/2019 21:20

This sounds ridiculous, he wasn't taking his own daughter?

What are their 'past issues'? I think if they're worried you being there would ruin the holiday (rows or whatever) then that's kind of understandable if it's happened before.

BumbleBeee69 · 24/05/2019 21:26

leave his belongings at Mommy Dearests, whilst he's away, would be my simple response to being treated like this OP. Flowers

Original poster
mamapart · 24/05/2019 21:26

Basically I had an argument with a member of his family and his mother over the way they treat us, the argument with the mother was actually in the first holiday, however I've been on holiday with them since and it went smoothly, quite lush tbh and I've seen the family member a million times since and it's all been forgotten I just think they're making excuses , the family member "doesn't like me". His mum is a "yes man" and I'm most certainly not and they don't like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamapart · 24/05/2019 21:27

Also two weeks it too long for my little girl to be without me hence why she wasn't going.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 24/05/2019 21:31

So your partner is going on a two week holiday without you. I think that’s out of order. Have to say a holiday with in laws sounds more like a nightmare. He should have saved money so the three of you could go away. He is an adult right?

NameChangeNugget · 24/05/2019 21:31

I can see both sides here.

Why doesn’t the family member like you?

Original poster
mamapart · 24/05/2019 21:37

Because all of his family are yes men. Like his mother doesn't speak up for herself at all towards the father. However I refuse to let my partner walk all over me , or his family for the matter and they don't like it. I put up with a lot but when they tell me how to raise my daughter or get involved in my relationship I defend it as it's not there place.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamapart · 26/05/2019 21:31

Ok I know it's been a few days but has anyone got any advice on how to deal with it? We've been arguing about it and he knows we both deserve a holiday after everything we've been through this year, I have anxiety alone , although does get better over time, I have to stay here and take care of our child all alone and the home and living my same life whilst he's having a blast in Spain. I think it's ridiculous and obviously if he goes it shows how little he cares?

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 26/05/2019 21:54

So they booked the holiday as a family when you weren't with your partner but now that you've got back together, you don't expect him to go?

Presumably when you weren't together you were taking care of your DD alone? How did you manage your anxiety then?

I can see both sides really. Understandable that you would like to go on holiday, but presumably when he booked this holiday, he wasn't expecting that you and he would get back together. Will he lose money if he doesn't go on the holiday?

Original poster
mamapart · 26/05/2019 22:06

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross
He didn't pay for it his parents did. And he could have easily booked me in ages ago and still could really but he doesn't want to. I can see he needs a holiday but I mentioned to him that me and him should go away with our little girl or like last year we went away for a couple of days without her? He's just not interested, I think he prefers us not being there, he didn't take care of her last holiday. He's a good dad but not hands on at all.

OP posts:
Ullupullu · 26/05/2019 22:12

How old is your DD?

Why do you want to be with your DP? It all sounds like too much drama.

MummyParanoia101 · 26/05/2019 22:23

I'm with you OP. I'd be putting my foot down on this one.

Original poster
mamapart · 26/05/2019 22:32

@Ullupullu she's two. It's ALOTT of drama but I've put up with it for this long? And I love him to much.

@MummyParanoia101
Thank you! We got into an argument so bad we threatened to break up. But obviously It's not just this. I don't know if you've seen my other posts but it's difficult atm.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 26/05/2019 22:35

I would break up with him what is the point in arguing all the time he doesn't want a holiday with you if he did he would blow his family off and book one with you

BumbleBeee69 · 26/05/2019 22:39

I don't see you having a future with this guy OP, honestly Flowers

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2019 22:42

How is he a good dad if he’s not hands on?

He wants to go on the holiday with people who don’t like you. He doesn’t want you to go with him. You don’t want him to go. You don’t trust him to care for your shared child. You’ve already broken up once.

Why are you with him and what does the future look like with him?

Original poster
mamapart · 26/05/2019 22:43

@slipperywhensparticus

He is however talking about booking a weekend away for us (including baby) but it defeats the object after he's already been to Spain right?

OP posts:
Original poster
mamapart · 26/05/2019 22:44

@AnneLovesGilbert

Honestly the reason I'm with him (apart from obviously loving him) is that I'm petrified. Petrified of being alone, of something happening to him and me not being there for him, him meeting someone else and honestly petrified that I'll regret it.

OP posts:
runlift · 26/05/2019 23:01

Honestly I would let it go. It is a holiday with his family. They have paid for it. You don't get on with them. They will all want to enjoy it without drama. Let him go and enjoy spending time with his mum. You don't have to, which if you don't like them sounds good. Insist he remembers that you haven't had a holiday and he should treat you to ...insert blank...theatre, spa trip, massage etc etc. Don't lose sleep/row over this imo.

BumbleBeee69 · 26/05/2019 23:03

Petrified of being alone, of something happening to him and me not being there for him, him meeting someone else

OP... these are not good enough reasons to stay with someone my love Flowers

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 23:15

Petrified of being alone, of something happening to him and me not being there for him, him meeting someone else

Those are not good reasons to be and stay with someone. More importantly it's definitely not healthy or good for you.

It won't be a good environment or example for your little girl either,especially with all the arguments.

You say you're not a "yes man " person, but how many times have you backed down or put up with things you shouldn't/didn't want to due to this fear?

Catsinthecupboard · 26/05/2019 23:18

OP,

I was young once. A very long (to you :) ) time ago.

I recognize your pain and your position as if it were yesterday.

Dearest, you need to work on yourself and your issues with anxiety.

This isn't about him. Or his family. It is about you.

You cannot control anyone except yourself. It really is your job in life to be independent, self contained and to be able to adequately care for yourself and your dd.

I went to therapy for two years in my early 20s to learn how to be the things that I suggest to you. During which time. I was broken, left and found a completely different type of man who loves me and is hands on. We've been together for 30 years now.

My heart broke when i was broken up with but it was the best thing that happened to me.

Our life hasn't been perfect. My mil hated me. But i have never doubted how much my dh loves me.

When you're loved, OP, he will want to be with you. He won't think of leaving you for 2 weeks. Your partner's not giving you what you need. But you aren't either.

Please try to conquer or at least subdue your anxiety. Work on yourself and take care of your daughter.

Seek professional help, if you need to. Try a few different people. But men who want to be with you ARE. Those who don't. Make lame excuses.

There's a big world with lots of good men. You need to work on yourself and love will find you.

Or not. It's up to you. But my heart showed up a year later. You deserve to be treated respectfully.Flowers

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2019 23:23

Being alone is so very much better than being with someone who hurts you, isn’t fully committed to you, lets you down, is a crap dad, means you live a life overshadowed by conflict.

I know. I did it! Loads of us on here have left bad relationships and faced these very fears. If you keep breaking up over things like this you’ll end up apart anyway and you’ll have less of yourself left. Your child needs you to have the time and energy to focus on yourself and then, you can’t do that if you’re fighting a war in your own home. It’s toxic and unhealthy and so fucking exhausting. It’ll suck the life out of you.

Not to stick the boot in further but again, he’s not a good dad if he isn’t a fully engaged committed dad.

Wildorchidz · 26/05/2019 23:31

I’ve read your other threads.
You need help to deal with your issues. This relationship is toxic for all three of you.

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