He keeps starting arguments

[SarcasmQueen]

Just wanted to get other peoples opinions on this.

So my boyfriend came home in a bad mood yesterday (not uncommon), I asked if he was ok if there was anything bothering him and got the common response of 'I'm fine'. So I leave it figuring if he wants to talk about whatever is bothering him then he'll say. While making dinner I ask if there's anything I can do to help, he says 'No, I'm just thinking about if I'm going to be here next month or move back with my parents'. We have been together 2 years and go engaged earlier this year so him threatening to leave came out of nowhere.

I asked where that came from and am met with silence. He has nothing more to say. Then he got annoyed at me because when he wanted hugs 5 minutes later I didn't really feel in the mood! He says he struggles to communicate and seems to think if he says that he can say whatever he wants and then give me the silent treatment and I can't say anything back because he 'struggles to communicate'.

He keeps starting arguments and then ending the conversation as soon as he has said something he knows will irritate/upset me. He also then blamed me for him selling his bike, saying I said he had to get rid of it. I have messages showing when he decided to get rid of it I was surprised and asked if he was sure, but he says I'm lying and I told him he had to get rid of it!.

He seems to think I am the one who has been unfair here but I don't agree. Am I wrong?

TLDR; Boyfriend keeps starting arguments then going silent, then later blames me saying I've twisted his words or I said something I didn't.

Get rid before you have wasted more than 2 years and you are stuck married with kids.

Oh just bin him off. He sounds like a pain in the arse.

Oh I couldn’t be bothered with his shit.
Tell him to piss if before you have kids and this dead weight leaves you and uses the kids as a weapon because that’s another whole new level of pettiness!

Get rid of the gaslighting man child. He wants you walking on egg shells placating him and questioning your own grasp on reality. Just thank the stars he showed his true colours before you married him.

Get rid right now. I married somebody who can’t communicate exactly like this. It’s been 10 years of hell. Being with somebody like this will ruin your life. Don’t waste one more second. Get rid while you can. He doesn’t know what he wants and is taking it out on you. He’s too scared/inept to do anything about it and is starting arguments so when you get upset it gives him the reason to go. Do not play this game. Pack his bags and tell him to go. In a years time you’ll be so glad you did.

Lllllllltttttttbbbbbbbbbbbbb

No seriously this guy sounds awful. At least you didn’t marry him.

Ugh. Who needs it? Is this what you (possibly) want to spend the rest of your life dealing with?

Dump his stuff on the doorstep, why are you waiting for him to decide what he’s doing? Decide for him

Don’t marry him. That is emotionally abusive behaviour.

He sounds like an absolute twat. I simply can't imagine a conversation in which my fiancé threatens to move out, completely out of the blue, and then refuses to give a reason or discuss it any further! I mean WTF??

Why would you want to be with someone like this? You’d be crazy to marry him. Help him pack.

My exact thoughts at the time were WTF. It happened yesterday and I am still furious about it today, I am not happy with being blamed for something I didn't do!

He asked if I wanted him to come home this evening or not and I said if you're actually going to talk about it then yes. He will come back but I know he still won't talk about it and will act like everything is fine.

He tried to compare him not having his bike to me getting rid of my dog. Surely these are not the same thing?!

Red flags galore with him.

Lying about the reasons for getting rid of his bike, blaming you for his decision, and gaslighting.

Regular moodiness. You are walking on eggshells (asking how he is etc).

Threatening to leave.

Wanting you to ignore these things, not express justified anger, and be affectionate with him.

Do you rent the property together? When is the lease up?

If it’s your name only on the lease, you could ask him to leave. If his name only, you could quietly make plans to live elsewhere.

The house is mine, I own it rather than rent. He seems to say that's why he doesn't feel at home there. But when I ask what would make him feel at home he doesn't answer.

Has he always been like this, or is it a recent development?
If it’s always, then he’s an abusive gaslighter and needs dumped pronto.
If it’s new, then he’s either got cold feet about the engagement and is backing off, or he’s met an OW and is trying to make you dump him so he doesn’t need to feel guilty for being the one ending it.
Either way, what joy is he actually adding to your life? Surely you’d be happier without him?

Red Flags... Sooooo many red flags. Chuck him out to the curb OP, you'll be better off without him

You want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this?

Tell him you have changed you mind and don’t want him home and to go to his parents.

Help him pack his bags to move back to his parents asap. Sounds like you'd be much better off without him, imagine another 30years of this.

I would save him the worry of thinking if he'll still be there in a month, and tell him he won't be.
Who wants a life with someone like that..

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. What is in this with him for you?.

Abuse is not about communication or a perceived lack of; its about power and control. This man is trying to play you like a violin.
When someone tells you who they are it will be indeed wise for you to listen. This is who he is and he won't change and what he is doing works for him.

Do not waste any more time or precious breath on him. Your life is too precious to waste on someone as abusive as this person is and because he is abusive its already over. He has more red flags about him than are present at a Communist Party Committee Meeting.

From experience...LTB, pronto!!

Haven't been able to read the whole thread so sorry if it's moved on lots.

I think a sit down is in order and you can say you're both struggling to communicate - you want him to talk things through as much as he wants not to, it's not fair that you have to both adhere to his style of communicating. If it doesn't change it won't work long term.

Sorry OP I've had one of these who used to wake me up in the night to tell me he couldn't sleep because he didn't know if he'd ever be able to get married to me. Then would say he couldn't explain it and go to sleep.

Needless to say I wouldn't and then had an hour and a half and a half commute to work at the time while he worked from home.

Exhausting and so unfair. I wish I'd left sooner than I did (four years!!)

when he's gone you can claim your single person council tax discount.

This is not about communication or a perceived lack thereof; abuse is about power and control. His reactions both spoken and unspoken to being talked to speak volumes (He keeps starting arguments and then ending the conversation as soon as he has said something he knows will irritate/upset me). The silent treatment also meted out to the OP by him is also a further example of emotional abuse.