Does anyone else seem to go for the 'bad boy' instead of the nice guy?

[seriouslylong]

So I haven't been dating for a while, and I've decided to start again. I went online and started chatting to a few guys. One guy I am meeting on Friday, he seems very nice and sweet.

Also another guy that I met ages ago who kinda messed me around got in contact and asked me to meet up. I haven't said yes or no but I feel like I'm more interested in this trouble maker guy than I am in the nice guy.

So I went through this "going for bad boys" thing for years a long time ago, but I met a really lovely guy who I was madly in love with but unfortunately it didn't work out.

I'm wondering if I'm kinda leaning towards the not so nice guy because I'm just plain crazy or because maybe I'm trying to avoid getting hurt

Obviously I know I can and probably will get hurt with the not so nice guy but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as a nice guy hurting you.

Anyway just wondering if anyone else is like this? And if you know why? And also any good books that might deal with these type of issues I could read which might help me identify what I'm doing and hopefully stop it!!

Google 'why do I like bad boys' and find out. It's hormones and chemical and shit and you can override it - you're not an animal. Just get over them and be a grown up and go for decent blokes. Good luck!

Always did ...well for 30 years anyway lol OP !!! The bad guys won out every time...We had loads of fun.it was exciting and fabulous at the time.Thing is though these guys aren;t keepers...and thinking about it now I am not too sure I would have wanted to keep most of them!!! The odd one or two maybe but as you get a bit older and wiser your priorities change...you see things differently.You bit by bit won;t settle for it and you will raise the bar without even knowing it...Trust in yourself is my advice....You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince or princess for that matter...In the meantime have fun but look after you first and foremost...I reckon you will be fine!

No, as ‘bad guy’ is just another way of saying dickhead.

Absolutely not.
I would't choose to live next door to nasty neighbours, pick lazy or untrustworthy workmates, have unreliable, bitchy selfish friends, so why would I choose someone "bad" to have my most intimate relationship with?

No.

Bad boy = unpleasant dickhead with a fun mask on.

Yuck...

Oh, and they hate women.

They absolutely do.

To them, you're a thing to play with.

Everybody laughs and has fun when they play. But remember, you're not a PERSON they're having fun with, you're the OBJECT.

You aren't the mate in the park they're having a laugh and a kickabout with. You're the football and nothing more.

Always remember that.

Yes, until I grew up and got some self-respect.

Bad boys make you think that you have achieved something when they pick you, and then you realise that the prize isn't worth the effort.

No. I actively avoid anyone when dating who seems remotely like a bad boy. I would always pick the nice guy who seems genuine, kind and intelligent.
My sister, on the other hand, will always pick awful men who treat her like shit as she’s only ever concerned about looks. I’ve got zero sympathy for her as she never learns

Yes!
Hence 11 years of being played, dumped, cheated on & ghosted!!

Now given up & resided myself to being single forever

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. This is also a good starting point for you to think about.

This is a good article on the subject from Baggage Reclaim:-

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-arent-i-attracted-to-the-good-decent-nice-guys/

Yup, I know. Bad boys are usually NPD sufferers. You are an Empath. Moth to the flame. To an Empath, a narc often presents as being more 'real. It's very difficult to describe.

I speak as one who is a 'narc magnet', hence any nice educated myself.

*Hence why I...

Yes, and then they end up here, questioning themselves.

Where the hell has this mythology of "wanting the bad boy" come from? Is it low self esteem, poor models provided by parents, peer pressure , mass media?!?!?!

I know these type of dudes self centered, self indulgent, vain, arrogant bullies who continue to perpetuate poor behaviour like this and are not called out on it. It's even spawned group consciousnesses like PUA's, incels, wing men, proud boys and mgtow's who think at a minimum negging is the a way to behave towards and to control women because they are selfish.

This isn't a dig at the OP and others who have suffered because the bad boy meme is alive and thriving, more it's because I have 2 dds the eldest is 13 and if anything I want to guide them in the right direction to avoid cockstars like these and put the low grade fuckeits in their place before the damage their psyches.

I've just spotted @Attilas link Ta I'll have a read and see if I can come up with some guidance for my dds

@Disney

I've just explained why

Because bad boys tend to be more of a challenge and more fun. It just becomes tedious after a while

Hey its a strategy for us men, nice guys don't get friend zoned very quickly and I found that out at UNI much better to be a dick. Now I am older I can be just a little bad.

Yep, I guess I tend to. But I think that 'bad', in my case, is somewhat misleading. I like interesting, mildly eccentric and non-conventional. I'm allergic to racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-semetic knuckle dragging wankers

No I went for a guy that I liked, fancied and treated me well. Which is why we're still together and I'm still sane. Anyone remotely fucking me about would be binned.

Oh, I don't get fucked around. Much But that's probably because I'm involved in casual type arrangements, rather than having a steady partner

Yep - which is why I've totally given up dating.
Nice guys bore me and bad guys are assholes!
I need an in between.

Google 'attraction of deprivation' - makes a lot of sense

Worrynot it's bollocks sorry. I've never had to be a 'bad boy' to find relationships. I'm not a work of art either. I've done fine all my life (40 now) just treating women with respect (thanks to a powerful mum who wouldn't accept anything less from her sons.)

• You can be spirited, engaging and exciting without being an arsehole.
• I've never felt 'friend zoned' - a couple of women I'd initially hoped for more with are now friends and I'm honored to have them as friends.

I get that some women do like the bad boys, I'm not denying that (I mean, this thread proves it enough...) But there's plenty that don't and plenty who maybe do but meet too many 'nice men' who have a soggy blanket of a personality to match because we as a sex seem to find it weirdly difficult to separate 'being nice' from 'being a bit boring.

It’s all about the blueprint. You have a faulty blueprint that means you’ve got no chance of breaking the cycle unless you examine why you have the blueprint you have from all angles and work on expanding your horizons to let other “types” in.

I used to always go for the bad boys many years ago, but mainly for my own pleasure, I knew very well that I would dump them at the appointed time, as mostly they were all men who were unsuitable and needed taking down a bit.(or a lot)

Lovely respectable,kind and dependable men are always the best, but we all do crazy things at times,and my bad boy times were what was needed at the time.