Just applied for non molestation order. Shaking.

[bellamorella]

Just applied for a NMO against my EA ex.

I'm so scared. He's going to be so angry. I'm scared the judge will think emotional abuse isn't as serious as physical. I feel sick to my stomach and don't know if I regret making the application as I'm scared it'll be laughed away.

Can anyone reassure me?

I'm sat here in tears trying to pull myself together

I know it's hard but try not to worry. As PPs said you only really hear when it goes wrong.

In my experience the judge was brilliant and saw straight through my exH lies. They're not stupid, they don't get to their position without having a pretty good sense of people.

My exH walked away with a stern telling off, a NMO, and no contact allowed with DD.

It's all very formal. Dress in your best suit as it shows you have respect for the judge/court. I have to say it's daunting. A judge sitting on a desk high up and you standing in a witness stand.

As I said, system could be different (Ireland), but the judge just asked is everything that you've outlined here the truth? I said yes, then maybe I had to swear that or something, or maybe I had to swear before that - it's all a long time ago, then the convo about how long for and then it was granted and then the judge said something like 'you can step down now'.

When we got out the barrister was delighted with himself. He apologised for not knowing more about the family law courts, but that he thought it was a brilliant result. In chambers prior to the hearing he had been consulting with his colleagues as to what to expect from this particular judge.
I often wonder whether that barrister now does some family law along with criminal.

It was a massive relief.

Then I just had to wait around for a while for my barrister to get me a copy of the order and apparently a copy was also being sent simultaneously to the local police.

It's all so new, that you haven't a clue what you're doing. Waiting to be called. Then someone calls your name - note - in the waiting area - there may be people you know there, but they won't know what it's about.

While waiting, I met a girl I used to know and she was there because her ex had tried to burn down her house with her and their child in it. He was also present in the waiting area. She was petrified as she was saying 'I don't know what lies he's going to come out with, I don't want to face him down'.
I guess the reason my cowardly ex didn't show was A. He's a coward (though he was a big man when he was beating the shit out of a woman). and B. We didn't have any children together.

I think a few nights in prison put manners on him until he could make bail.

Maybe someone can explain the English system step by step for you, but that's how it worked in Ireland.

A. Police
B. Court clerks office and ask to make application.
C. Clerk fills in form (give as much graphic detail as possible)
D. Go to court and find an officer of court (there are usually police there who will direct you to who they are).
E. Hand paperwork from clerk to Officer of Court and say you need a hearing today
F. Officer gives judge paperwork who grants a 5 day order giving time for papers to be served on the respondent (my ex).
G. Papers served on respondent by police or registered mail (registered mail in my case).

H. Date set - i.e. you're on the list or 'listed' for hearing.
I. You go there and either he shows up to defend himself or doesn't.

Simultaneous to that there was:

A. Ex beats me up
B. Police arrest him, take photographs of injuries, statement from me, statement from him.
C. Criminal court - 'listed'. Not a plea hearing. Police give their side and recommend remand.
D. Judge lists bail as £500
E. Family of cunt/ex don't have £500, ex remanded in jail until it's listed for mention (i.e. setting a date to hear case)
F. 3 days later, ex reappears in court (I didn't go) - police officer on case said he made bail and was released to the care of his mother and had to sign in daily at police station or something.
G. Ex goes home to live with mother
H. I ask police what to do - they refer me to the above process for getting an order in place.

Sorry, it all sounds convoluted but police should guide you in the first instance, then the court clerks/officers of the court guide you in the second instance.

You're doing so well by just keeping going @bellamorella you can do this and come out the other side

@bellamorella it can be frightening at first as you're unsure of what's going to happen.

Mine was one year, and thankfully, the divorce was finalised prior to the end of the order. It gave me time in between, to start looking for houses far away. Almost four years now, I've never been any happier than I am currently.

You will be just fine and don't have that mindset of being laughed at by the judge. They really are compassionate, especially where children are involved. X

Just keep a hold of those vague threats and any evidence that you have of him cancelling your childs hospital appointments and you'll have no trouble getting the order. When the time comes about custody hearings, i'm sure a judge would be interested in hearing this stuff too. It's very possible that if you can show that your ex was prepared to jepordise your sons health purely to be nasty to you, that he is an unfit parent and thefore not suitable for unsupervised custody. Certainly get yourself a lawyers perspective there.

But if I were you, as soon as I was up to it, I would be doing everything I can to keep my child from this nasty piece of work - because he will be emotionally abusive to the child to, in time. Count on it. His sort use shame and put downs and 'failure' as a weapon and that sort of thing has a big impact on kids.

Anyway, one battle at a time. I'm sure you'll be fine, just factually list the points like you have here about his rotten behaviour and I'm sure any judge will be happy to grant the order.

They granted it 🙏
He's contesting 😥

You brave woman

I know you probably don't feel it but you bloody well are!!

Well done on taking such brave steps against this man. A judge will look at him cancelling his own sons cardiologist appointment and will be shocked. It screams control. It screams abuse. It screams danger.

Keep hold of everything you can. Evidence. Texts. Emails. Phone calls. Everything. Log it all.

He probably has contested it but you were believed OP and you are very likely to still be believed. His contest will not be entertained.