I was in a relationship with a porn addict that absolutely destroyed me - my self esteem, my self worth, my understanding of relationships, of sex.
I also had a few casual relationships with men who watched a lot of porn - the majority of them resulted in me being sexually assaulted and, on one occasion, raped.
Porn might be a fun little thing you watch from time to time for some people. For others, excessive consumption or consumption from an early age can be beyond dangerous and damaging.
Your Brain On Porn and Fight The New Drug are excellent resources. For anyone where I was, you might be hearing that this is the norm - all men watch porn, what are you moaning about, god you’re so controlling...
For those of you in this boat, I’m wondering if any of this sounds familiar: encouraging you to dye your hair / wear different make up and realise he’s styling you after whichever porn actress he’s obsessed with that week, wondering what’s the next thing your partner will do to you to try and make real life sex interesting again, your partner only being able to climax from masturbation and this taking up to an hour while you lie there being stared at (not allowed to make eye contact or any noise), having to do things you find degrading and humiliating and your partner actually wanting you to feel like that as it’s then only way they can get aroused, finding out your partner is secretly filming you around your house, suggesting you get new breasts or remove all of your pubic hair or learn to deep throat because that will be the thing that gives him the ability to ejaculate, being blamed for his inadequacies (not firm enough, not perky enough, not thin enough, not enthusiastic enough, not willing to do the latest thing they’ve seen on the internet, or that your very small vagina is not small enough), expecting you to have theatrical orgasms within 30 seconds of seeing his penis and getting very angry when you don’t, their only interest in your orgasms is trying to make you ejaculate and berating you when you can’t, etc.
It doesn’t have to be like this, I promise. This is not all (or even most) men.
I realise some will read this and think I was just with a psychopath. Nope. I joined a lot of support groups for this issue when I left and heard almost identical stories to mine hundreds of times. I saw elements of it in the earlier shorter relationships with other porn users.
I get the rage when people dismiss the harm that porn can do. There’s plenty of evidence but people who like it don’t want it to be true and will bend over backwards to defend it.
And that’s not even getting into the accounts of female performers who’ve left the industry - there’s a lot of them out there, some projects have even gathered accounts. The physical injuries, mental health issues, suicide attempts, drug abuse just to get through the next scene... and all the while people are getting off to this footage. Lovely.
What about the GPs in naice areas reporting on the increase in sex-related injuries (especially anal injuries) to teenage girls?
I often wonder if people who ask these questions have seen the content of mainstream porn these days? Seriously, go to pornhub and look at the videos on the home page and the most popular searches and then tell me that porn is a healthy thing.
There’s plenty of proper scientific evidence but all you need to do is look at it.