Has anyone ever felt an intense chemistry with someone who is really not the sort of person you should be looking at dating?

[SarahCKITTY]

Name changed as this may be outing.

So I met this guy at work a few months ago, first time we met was a very brief introduction. I immediately fancied him, and I don't know why, he is not particularly handsome, he is probably the nicer side of average. Over the last few months we have worked together on and off and there is a very intense sexual chemistry. So much so that others have remarked on it (we are both single by the way).

For a variety of different reasons he is probably not suitable to date and definitely not the sort of person my head tells me to date! However, I cannot deny this weird chemistry that I have with him. I could literally talk to him about anything for hours on end. Although nothing has been said, I am almost certain he feels the same way.

What I want to know is, has anyone every been immensely attracted to someone who is unsuitable to date. What did you do? Did it end in tears or work out? I'm in my early 40's and have literally never been like this with anyone since school, I'm actually almost embarrassed by it. Why so I have such a chemistry with this man?

For the record, I feel he is unsuitable to date due to the fact he is gong through a messy divorce and appears to have a lot of emotional baggage.

I have a good friend who is totally unsuitable for me, smokes weed a lot, very hyper and all over the place due to ADHD and physically is someone I probably would have run away from if I saw in a bar. However we fell into a sort of FWB situation and he blows my mind as unbelievable in bed plus we have become great friends. There is absolutely no future but there is some sort of connection there.

Sometimes what we think is sexual chemistry is actually the collision of matching wounds and dysfunction. There were many good reasons I shouldn't have dated the abusive ex, but I did, because of the irresistable sexual chemistry. I ended up horrendously battered over many years, and he ended up in prison.

At the very least, wait until this messy divorce is over and done with. Unless you want to be his Transition Person/Rebound Relationship. And my worry about his emotional baggage is that we all have it, but those of us who are healthy are not looking for someone else to do the work of unpacking it.

There's a reason you feel he is not someone suitable to date - trust that instinct. As the guy says in The Gift of Fear - never trust your gut instinct, unless it tells you to run. Yours is telling you to run, so trust that.

I have this but it has happened gradually, we met about three months ago and it was a very slow burn, he's older than me by about ten years and there was a definite attraction when we met. We went on five or six dates before I took an opportunity to kiss him and since then the connection has grown stronger.. it's far too early to know what it is but we are enjoying each other's company and taking it really slowly and it's fabulous.. but on paper it shouldn't work, he's too old really and I'm going through a divorce at the moment so not looking for anything serious. The only think which would put me off in your situation is the fact you work together.