OP, it was the type of behaviour that made me realise I was being abused
I was married at 20. At around 34, I remember mentioning a story I saw on the news to (now ex) DH. He didnt even let me finish the sentence, told me how it was all bollocks and I was thick for believing it. I remember just standing there, feel like a piece of shit. I cant remember what the new story was and I wasnt expressing an opinion it saying it was correct. Ibdidnt even get that far.
We owned a business together. A few days after the indicent above I remember listening to him talking about how his role was so much harder than my role and my team should count themselves lucky. Again I just agreed. I knew, if I countered it there would be a huge argument.
A few days later we had an argument about it anyway. He obviously wanted a reaction to first time. Didnt get it so carried on. I snapped and told him he was talking rubbish. He came back with 'well you agreed the other day. Were you lying? Are you a liar?' I remember shouting that yeah I did lie. I lied all the time to him, that I pretend to not have an opinion, nor disagree with him because he throws tantrums, makes me feel like shit and has such ego he cant stand anyone to disagree with him.
After that I changed how I acted. I refused to rise to it. Ignored his attempt at manipulation. His parents lived a 2 hour drive away. One morning in the school holidays he got up at about 10am, I was up with the kids. He came and said 'we could have gone to mum and dads today....but.....' . I know for a fact that he wanted me to say 'let's go then'. So that when ds (4 at that time) started playing up on the way home it would be my fault for suggesting it. Kids dont want to spend 4 hours in the car for a 2 hour visit to grandparents who expect them to sit quietly while the grown ups talk. Instead of saying 'let's go'. I just said 'oh'. As predicted later he had a go because i didnt suggest it. I pointed out he didnt say 'shall we go?'. I told him he needed to stop playing fucking games.
From that point our marriage went down hill. I gave my opinion and when he spoke to me like shit I would say 'ok, I thought you wanted my opinion. This is one of the converstations where you donr want my opinion. You want me to lie and make myself a liar to make you feel better?'.
Eventually he got counselling. It didnt help. He told me what he was telling the counsellor and everytime I had to point out he was wrong. What he had told her had not happened. Like he told her his behaviour started when we has briefly split up 7 years before. I pointed out that, this behaviour actually split us up and gave him several examples of it. So her advice that it was based on him feeling I would leave again, was bollocks. Because she hadnt got the whole story.
He changed, but got worse. He said the right things. But startes going through my phone. Linked my phone to my laptop, so he could track my movements. I left the business and got a job so I had my own money. He would park outside work, because he was convinced I was going to hotels in the middle of the day. He told me he found a receipt for condoms on the floor in the house that had fallen out of my pocket. He wouldnt admit he had been through my pockets. I got the receipt out and it was for petrol and milk.
I left. Less than a year later he was living with his new girlfriend and her kids. I was single, in a home I bought just me and the kids. And life is amazing. I am, now, seeing someone. He is brilliant. We dont live together and have no plans to. We have been together almost 2 years.
It was hard at first. But writing this post reminds me of how bad life was. My life is hectic. Up early. Kids ready for school, me to work. Dp works nights sobhe pops in before his shift. The kids look forward to his visits. He stays when the kids are at their dads. I have my best friend, round the corner. Have friends that live on my street. It's hard. But brilliant.
No matter how bad you think it will be to split. It will be better than it is now. You wont be alone forever, unless you want to be. He is abusing you. Your kids will see this. It's not the life you or them should have.