When you're older it's different, isn't it?

[doubtingdaisy]

My partner and I have been together for a long time. We're both divorced. Many would say we lead a charmed life.......healthy, active ( me more than him, I suppose)) , financially sound etc.
I'm in my sixties, he's a couple of years older. I don't look or feel my age. He probably does.

 Anyway, to the point.  I would say we have a happy relationship but I have to admit that in recent years I've been busy with hobbies, committees, socialising with friends. We do have some friends in common but I have many more than he.  Last year he admitted he had feelings for a mutual friend and had for sometime. At a party she'd been flirty and affectionate with him.  He took this to mean she was interested.  I was absolutely devastated and in shock.  I hadn't realised he wasn't happy. However, she soon made it clear that she wasn't. He was really upset.  I don't blame her in the least. It was a party with the usual drinking, dancing etc.

   I have not the slightest doubt that he would have left if she'd been interested in him.  Anyway, he stayed. He says he's sorry, probably wouldn't have gone through with it.  I'll never know if that's true.
Here's my question.  Could you live with that?  I like my life, he's contrite, I'm certain this will never happen again and bear in mind our ages. I have a very full life and like him in it.  We are independently well off so there is no financial issue.

Most of my friends have advised me to put it behind me. He's been a great partner and treated me very, very well for all these years and my friends are aware of this.

 I intend to carry on the way things are but just wonder how mumsnetters would feel.  That's why I say it's a bit different when you're older. Do you agree?

I think for me, it's more a case of not realising he was unhappy enough to want to go off with someone else, sort of feeling blindsided by it, which would leave me feeling vulnerable to when/what he might do next. I think I'd rather move on, on my terms, than live not knowing whether he might do something similar again. Or just the fact that someone i thought i knew and trusted turned out to be someone else. Not sure i could move on from it really. (In my 50's, might feel differently if i was in my 70's).

Being older does make a difference, (to me).

I have had friends for forty years and all of them have behaved badly at some point. I have behaved badly - cheated with an ex - had an emotional affair at one point too. But that's over forty years! No-one is perfect. Overall I still feel my friends are essentially good, honest people and I am usually very principled, - we all get it wrong sometimes.

Also at 60 I know I am not attractive to many men. I just don't get any interest any more, not like that. I miss it. I am single again after a very long relationship and enjoy being free but in your position if life was ok with DP I wouldn't rush to end it unless you really want to of course.