If I leave DH and take DD can he stop me?

[GreenEverything]

If I were to leave DH and take our one year old DD with me (250 miles away to family) could he stop me or take her off me?

You'd be condemning your child to a 500 mile round trip every time she wanted to spend time with her father.

I won’t wish you luck.

I’m the father to DC who were moved almost 200 miles from me, their extended paternal family, their school friends and their birthplace.

It cost me a fortune to fight in court (over 10k) with my exW spending a similar amount. It still costs us both a fortune in travel costs every fortnight - money I would much rather have available for the kids - and it’s effectively a full working day’s worth of travel to do there and back.

It’s definitely impacted my relationship with my DC and it took a long time before I could bear to be more than icily polite to the ex.

Please think very carefully before you go down this route. You might win in court (my exW did, despite shared care for two years beforehand, despite no adverse CAFCASS etc) but there’ll be a big cost to pay - for the two of you and your DD.

OP you’ve had some great sound advice with balanced views taken on all sides - MN support at its finest 😀. As already stated the welfare of any child of a relationship comes first and foremost. If parents cannot agree what is in the child’s best interest a court will decide - not to make life as difficult as possible for you, but to decide what is best for the child.

From what I can see you had another thread today asking about properties in the country to buy with your DH. I guess he has been adamant in not moving which is why you are posting this query - as in looking at options. I hope you can sort something out together.

Short answer;

Yes, he can stop you. He can get a prohibited steps order.

But you need to think long term. At the moment you have a one year old, who, as you say, won't be too disrupted by a move. But how will you facilitate contact? As you've moved, the court will expect you to do the travelling. So are you going to drive 1000 miles every other weekend? (250 to drop her off, 250 back home, and then the reverse when you go and collect her)? Or would you drive down and stay there? What if you had a job at the weekend?

What happens when she goes to school and has swimming or ballet, or when her weekends are taken up with parties and soft play? Are you still going to drive her then? Or do you expect her dad to do it, even though you're the one who chose to move?

If you do this, you're going to have a lifelong impact on the relationship your DD has with her father and in my opinion that is just wrong. It's not your decision to make.

Why don't you move 250 miles away and leave your DC with her father and visit her EOW?

No? Didn't think so. Then why do it to him?

Go see a solicitor. He/she will know how the courts will view the situation.

Ask whether, if you obtained employment in your previous city, that would aid your position.

Will you be happy about driving the 250 miles and back each time? Because that might have to become a reality given it's you who is making the decision to separate them.

Long term this would be difficult. It's better to have the co-parent close. You both will need to be on the same page with your parenting and with 250 miles between you you might find that difficult.

Also think about when she's older. A teen having to travel 250 miles to see her father, with exams and school etc. Not doable.

If it is you that is making the decision to move, then it is very likely that it would be you that is deemed responsible for managing and financing the travel back and forth EOW or however often they see each other.

Also things like clubs she might want to join. She wouldn't be able to be an active participant if half the time she is so far away.

It all seems easy now she's young but when she's older she will very likely resent what you are planning to do. I would have hated my mother for doing this and causing so much hassle in my life and distance from my dad.

Of course you can leave without his permission.
But if you go too far away then it alters things.
And you would need mediation before moving to ensure that you agree on access.
If you are moving away then you would be expecting to facilitate contact by travelling to him.
Just upping and leaving with his DD and moving 250 miles needs to be discussed and compromises reached.
It would be cruel and not OK to just remove her.
Is he abusive towards you in any way?
Why has the relationship broken down?
Could you work on it together?

Just seen something on one of your updates.
If he is emotionally abusive then start keeping a log / diary of this behaviour.
If you can then go back and see if you can document anything that he has done.
This will help your case, as and when you decide to leave.

Treacletoots

Good try but I don't read the thread like that at all. You seem very annoyed that OP doesn't agree with you.

My friend moved from plymouth to scotland on the breakdown of her marriage, she was ordered by the court to move back so yes he can stop you

@GreenEverything

This is exactly the situation I was in three years ago. My exh applied for an emergency PSO and child arrangement order. The court awarded him residence as part of the child arrangement order in the short term, and eventually permanent. Although the permanent residency was more because it is what our DD wanted.

Best advice get good legal advice before propositioning your ex with this, and think long and hard about the best interests of your child