If I leave DH and take DD can he stop me?

[GreenEverything]

If I were to leave DH and take our one year old DD with me (250 miles away to family) could he stop me or take her off me?

How much disruption would there to be a one year old? It's not like she's started school or anything.

Is he bothered about your DD? Is he likely to kick up a fuss if you move?

@Propertywoes because I'm the primary carer and do everything for DD.

I don't want to deprive DD of a relationship with her father - come on. What I'm saying is it makes sense for me if I move out to move into a home that's paid for, in an area where I know people. It just so happens that's far away. This isn't me maliciously sticking a pin in a map and trying to get as far away as possible.

Sorry to be harsh here but she's not just YOUR child.

When you went ahead with the pregnancy you did so with the full knowledge she has two parents who both have equal rights to parent that child (notwithstanding any bad conduct but you've not mentioned any so far)

Yes he could stop you, and yes you would be incredibly cruel to take the child 250 miles away from her father and she will resent you for it when she is old enough to realise what you did. This isn't a dog we're talking about. Your dds needs come first now, not yours. End of.

However. If he was a disinterested deadbeat father then it's a different story.

@Treacletoots good grief have you even read what I've said? How do you know my DD will resent me when she's older, that's quite the claim.

Why assume I'm doing this to prevent a relationship- I'm not. I'm trying to work out of and how it could work.

30 miles away isn't ideal but a hell of a lot better than 250 miles. He could still try and stop you though.

She's young and will be attached to her dad so of course a split is still disruptive to her but obviously not practically as much as if she was older.

Given that he's suggested he'll take her off you, I suggest court. Do you have evidence he's threatening this?. Is this not exactly what the OP is planning?

If you end up going through the court process OP all your actions will be measured against whether they were in the best interest of the child. Is moving 250 miles away from the child's father in her interest?

Also a one year old would not have 50/50 spilt contact as previous poster suggested.

Nobody knows the circumstances here. It's perfectly possible that OP knows she would be the RP. I would, if my DH and I split up. And in that case, it's not a stretch to understand that OP's DD could be happier and her wellbeing better served if she spent most of her time in an environment where her mother has a proper support network of family and friends. It's possible that the alternative is this little girl spending the majority of her time with an unhappy and unsupported mother, in an undesirable living situation, purely to facilitate a certain pattern of contact with her dad for 20% of the time. OP isn't trying to deny her DD contact with her dad.

OP, I know an ex couple who are in a similar situation. Mum is RP and has moved back home up north to be near family. Dad lives almost 200 miles away. He doesn't see the kids the typical EOW and a night in the week, but sees them on a very regular basis for slightly longer stints. He recognises that it's in his children's best interests to be in a happier environment when they're not with him, which is the majority of the time.

Is he reasonable, OP? Do you think you could have the discussion with him about how this would be the best thing for your daughter (assuming obviously that it would be)?

It's not an unreasonable thing to do but it's best if you discuss the options with him rather than flee and rely on the courts. He may be understanding, especially as it would reduce your reliance on him

Have you looked into what benefits you may be entitled to, to possibly enable you to stay in the same city? Have you worked out the rough amount of CM he would pay, if DR were to live with you?

I was in a similar situation years ago and my advice to you would be to contact a solicitor. Many of them give you the first consultation free of charge so if you do a bit of google research and go with some questions you really need answering then the one appointment may be enough.
Good luck.

OP in the nicest possible way, unless your DH is abusive in some way then you are being really unreasonable to want to move so far away.
Are you going through a divorce process or just separating?
If separating then you could ask him to leave for a period of time and see how things pan out.
Obviously no one here understands the full scale of your situation but from the info you've given you have little to no leg to stand on in regards to taking your DD away from her father, whether you try to facilitate contact or not - if he is a good father he will take you to court and you will look like the bad guy.

30 miles is totally reasonable unless either of you doesn't drive etc

Yes, I've read your posts. You seem to only care about your needs, and not your dds.

My dd has a fantastic relationship with her father and adores him. I wouldn't ever want to hurt her by doing anything that would stop that if we ever split up.

As for how do I know she would resent you. Of course she would it's human nature. For you to think otherwise is either incredibly niaive or incredibly selfish.

It's pretty obvious to me though that no court would allow you to do this anyway because its not in the child's best interests.

I think you should discuss it with your partner before you leave. He might be supportive if he thinks it will be best for your child. Or if you have to stay where you are, I’m sure you’ll be able to get benefits to help you rent somewhere.

@Treacletoots Oh right. I suppose courts must really drag everything out for the sake of it then, because from a few paragraphs you seem to understand the ins and outs of the entire situation, know exactly what a judge would say, know what's in my daughter's best interests (better than her own mother)- crikey, you even know how she will feel in future years! I won't bother with a solicitor then as you've told me exactly what any court would decide.

Seems like your projecting slightly here as your responses aren't rational.

@QueenintheNorth7 I will discuss it with him I just wanted an idea of what is legal before we have the conversation. He couldn't cope with being the RP, but I'm worried he will try and go for it to spite me. He's emotionally abusive to me but of course he would deny that.

You'll probably find you can do whatever you want but morally you shouldn't.

Two friends of mine married and had a child. They split when he was 3 and 1 person moved 200 miles away with the child. The other person spent £10k in court and was told unless there is safeguarding issues the move couldn't be stopped. Now every other weekend they have to meet half way to facilitate contact. It costs thousands in terms of petrol, hotels, time off work and wear and tear on the cars.

The child is 6 now and gets upset at leaving the NRP every time, he wants more time together and has asked his resident parent to move back.

So yes you could move but I think you'd be selfish to do so..

Oh it's one of those threads where OP asks people for opinion, then attacks those who say you're being unreasonable.

Good luck!

I've wondered this very same scenario. My family are 400 miles away and I'm now in another relationship after the break up with my dc dad but if that was to break down where would I go? I would have no desire to stop my little ones dad from seeing them and conversations would have to be had but I know in my heart I would want to be a, where my support network was and b, where I could survive financially. Contact would go on just in a different way???

How would you propose that he has contact? Would you be willing to travel to him each weekend or every other weekend for example?

Why ask for advice if you're going to be rude when you get responses you do not want to hear and then suddenly drip feed because you're being called out on.. .

OP, You're coming across as quite defensive here to ppl who are only responding.

Every situation is different, so you will not get a definitive response on what you can and can't do.

If your H wants to challenge this he can do. If you suggest a way that he can still have a meaningful relationship with your DD, then he's less likely to try and stop you.

You won't know until you broach it with him. Given his abusive nature which you've revealed recently, he might try and block you moving to make life difficult.

Good luck.

He might ask for 50:50. What will you do then? I think it is out of order to take a child 250 miles away from their father. How would you like it if he planned to do it to you. Don’t assume he will accept your plans. I know dads that did little until their marriages failed and then they asked for 50:50.