He’s working abroad

[flamed12]

My OH is working abroad in a country he visits every few months. He’s been away for 2.5 weeks and is due home on Monday.

Last night he stayed out til 6am and was upset when he confessed him and work colleagues took cocaine. They also took it last Friday.

He went out tonight and someone from the workplace over there has tagged him in photos. He seems very close to a female colleague in the photo and I can’t sleep.

I don’t know I’m reading into it too much. He has his hand round her shoulder and she’s leaning into him. Looks like a photo we’d take together as a couple.

Then the other photo is a group but the way it’s taken it looks like she’s sat on his knee.

I can’t sleep and will be up at 6am with two kids.

[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info]

Thank you.

I’ve blocked him again but he just kept saying “please give me an explanation why you’re mad at me”.

Surely it is obvious? Or is he wondering what I know?

I’m exhausted, my eyes are extremely puffy from crying but I’m glad I have my kids today. I’ll get up and showered and take them out for the day and for lunch with my sister and nephew.

@flamed 12....what an utterly shit situation and what an utterly shit "partner". I really hope you hold your resolve and leave him. It really doesn't matter if he cheated with this woman - there is enough in your posts to end it anyway;

• taking drugs which could kill him any time - Louis Tomlinson's sister was only 18 - would his life insurance pay out if it was death through illegal drug taking?
• you have two young DC who you care for alone while he is away - instead of waking up refreshed for the next busy day, you are awake all night, crying into your pillow, thinking about texting others who are asleep, worrying about him and generally going through hell
• his responses are to "manage" you rather than confront and discuss.
• he is putting the "blame" for any break up on you - throwing your lives away because he "got wasted" (is he 14!)
• he is completely disrespecting you, your DC, your relationship and he doesn't give two hoots other than to try and talk you down so he can get away with it - he will not change as this has been going on a while
• do not give him any more years of your life/the chance to torture you further

You will get lots of great advice on hear regarding getting yourself in the best position mentally and financially. Time to take control back and get the best life for you and your DC - and that has to be without him in it. Good lcuk.

Thank you.

For once I’m feeling strong. I’m genuinely done. 100%.

I worry when he returns he will bang the door down unless I open it. But I will not respond to a single text or answer a call between now and Monday evening when he’s due home. He can suffer like I have.

@flamed12....Surely it is obvious? Or is he wondering what I know?

It should be obvious but he is an entitled man-child who thinks he can do whatever he likes despite having a family and young DC.

Its also a way of turning it onto you - you are mad, he doesn't know why, he hasn't done anything wrong except take a few drugs which everyone else was doing, why are you being like this/unreasonable/over reacting blah blah blah

Please do not engage in a lengthy messaging conversation about this. Get straight in your head what you want to say e.g. "you continue to engage in risky, disrespectful behaviours which I have asked you to stop. The relationship is no longer working for me and its time to end it". Then repeat ad infinitum.

@flamed12......But I will not respond to a single text or answer a call between now and Monday evening when he’s due home. He can suffer like I have.

That's good. However, I really doubt he will suffer like you have - it will be more of a "how can I get my feet back under the table" type of worry rather than the dread and fear you have experienced.

*I’ve blocked him again but he just kept saying “please give me an explanation why you’re mad at me”.

Surely it is obvious? Or is he wondering what I know?*

The second one!

Next time say “tell me what you think it is, and I’ll tell you if you’re right”

He’s fishing. Like I say, as far as he’s concerned, you’re omniscient. You know all.