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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Baby daddy troubles

8 replies

Rosiem2808 · 10/05/2019 23:04

I have a 10 month old son and I am the sole provider for him, I dont receive a single penny from my ex (my sons dad) and never have. I am on benefits and so is he and because of this he expects me to pay for everything. He doesn't come to collect him or drop him back off on days he has him I have to do all the driving I even have to provide all the food for my ex to feed my son including milk clothes everything he refuses to give me a penny. Infact he expects me to give him money to take my son out when hes staying there. Is this normal? Surely being a man you would want to provide? Please give me advice/opinions girls because its upsetting me and all i get is abuse from my sons dad. Thanks

OP posts:

onetwofive · 10/05/2019 23:42

I think you've posted in the wrong place, love.

But of course he's being a total dick expecting you to pay for everything, it's totally unreasonable. Not sure what you can do about it as presumably telling him to get his shit together wouldn't work! Unfortunately you may have to just suck it up unless you would want to offer ultimatum- he can't see DC unless he pays his fair share, but not sure whether that'd work either...

MNHQ

SophieLMumsnet · 31/05/2019 16:14

Hi OP,

We're going to move this one over to Relationships for you

Halo84 · 31/05/2019 16:21

Unless you want your ex to have a relationship with your son, I wouldn’t drive my son to the ex.

Is he a positive or negative influence in your son’s life?

Mycatatetherat · 31/05/2019 16:26

Go through cms - they will take maintenance directly from his benefits. It won't help you much though. Stop giving him food and money, the only thing I'd be prepared to do is carry on dropping him off so you can continue to have a bit of respite.

AgentJohnson · 31/05/2019 17:39

For entitled dicks it’s par for the course. I suspect this isn’t the first instance for laziness, nor will it be his last. However, If i were you, I would start as you mean to go on and if you don’t want to be forever running after this man baby to be a father, then I would stop running after him now. The only thing that your current behaviour guarantees, is a continuation and possible escalation of his cheeky fuckery.

I understand your fear that if you don’t pick up his slack that he won’t bother being in your son’s life but think about the dynamic you’re currently enabling, do you want your son running after his father in the future and accepting any crumbs he throws his way?

Your son’s father will either step up or he won’t and if he doesn’t, then that’s his prerogative.

BigRedLondonBus · 31/05/2019 18:12

If he is not work ing then you will only get £7 a week

BigRedLondonBus · 31/05/2019 18:13

And you shouldn't stop contAct if he won't pay, contact and maintenance aren't linked, just go through the cms

Moominfan · 31/05/2019 18:17

Op there's some good advice on this thread. Your currently enabling his shitty behaviour, what example is this to your child? Contact cms. Let him know you won't be giving him money/spends/food ect. If he doesn't shape up it's his loss. Do you think he's acting so shitty wanting you to snap to make you look the bad guy?

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