Has anyone completely lost their mojo? Then somehow found it again?

[Lillycake]

I have completely lost mine!!
Feeling depleted, frumpy, tired, bored and lethargic. Just emotionally drained of all emotions!
I have put on weight, drink too much gin and feel like motivation to exercise has been zapped from my body!
I know it's only me that can change things - I just can't get a handle on it.
I'm a single mum to 2 dc's and quite often find myself going to bed at 8.30pm when they do. Usually because I'm tired but mainly because I can't stand my own company. I haven't seen friends in a while (they seem to cancel alot, which gets me down) and have no desire to date.
I'm sorry - depressing read.....
I know I need to kick myself up the butt but not sure where to begin.

I go through phases of being like this but always come out of it. I'm also a single mum and sometimes put myself to bed at 8, not really knowing what else to do!
Objectively it sounds like you need a hobby, some exercise and some new, more reliable friends.
I started reading, running (have to force myself but never regret it) and inviting friends to mine after dc's bedtime - share the gin and you'll drink less!

Senseiwu - thankyou. Its a horrible feeling. Over the last few months, because of my dip in mood, I started to walk (can't run anymore) and reading at night time. I tried to make more of an effort to see friends. I'm not sure what happened. My mojo disappeared.

The good news: Yes. From progressively more Frump to fabulous.
The bad news: it took leaving two decades of an abusive relationship to do it.

I’d recommend looking into intermittent fasting (IF) - I’ve had brilliant results with eating normally but restricting my eating to an 8 hour window every day.

I've been looking into intermittent fasting! Can you tell me more chocauvin?
What are you really passionate about lillycake?

ChocAuVin - thankyou. Good to hear!

Hi @Lillycake,
I'm not a single parent, but I am on my own Monday - Friday. I feel like this periodically and the only thing which works is just going out and doing it. I find once I get the ball rolling, I feel so much better. My children are still small (I have EBF 6mo) so I can't go out, which does get me down but I have started reading more, which is less depressing than mindless phone scrolling. I also got some private Pilates lessons at my house so I at least got some exercise (expensive and wanky sounding but literally the only way I'll knit my body back together). I do get lonely, as friends have their own families to spend time with in the evening but just going to bed makes me more depressed. I guess this is my roundaboutway of saying, you just need to go do something and your mojo will come back. Force it to happen the first time and it will get better. Sorry you're feeling rubbish

Senseiwu - I really don't know anymore. Life is so busy. Making sure my dc's are happy at school and attending their out of school activities makes me feel better. I used to run and remember that feeling it gave afterwards. However, this was 2 years ago. I suffer with my back so walk nowadays. I can't remember what it feels like to be excited about something. I actually sat here this evening trying to remember when I felt excited- couldn't remember. So I started to look back at photos on my phone. I feel I have just lost myself. It's difficult to explain.

bangwhistle - thankyou. You sound like you are doing amazing (your choice of words made me laugh 'wanky sounding'). I started hot yoga but it gave me terrible headaches so I was thinking about normal yoga. Just need to find that confidence to start a class alone. Yes, ready stopped me scrolling social media, I'm sure that doesn't help my mood. I need to start reading again.
I think, it is making an initial start.

Just make yourself go for a run (even a short 10min one) 3 x per week. (maybe before collecting kids from childcare?) Countdown from 5 to 1 and get up and go. Aside from the fitness/weight loss it is a great brain refresher which will lift you out of your funk and make you feel motivated to start looking after yourself. Once the ball is rolling its a lot easier. Go go go

Try yoga with Adrienne on you tube - she’s lovely - even though I am doing it at home alone it still males me felt cared for. Tiny things - find a decent book to read and put it by your bed, use a nice perfume everyday ( there’s loads of dupes and samples around). Self care is hard if no one else cares - but it is just a build up of small habits.

I second yoga with Adrienne and if your back isn't up to running then can you swim or cycle?

Thankyou everyone.
I don't have a bike but I will look at yoga on YouTube. I know I need to do something to help myself. I wish I had the confidence to go swimming.

This was me after xmas.Id put on weight,was drinking too much and felt shit.I walk for 40 mins after the school run usually covering around 2 miles which burns around 200 calories.I also use mfp and only drink one night per week.Feel much better for it.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc - thankyou. How DoD you fond the motivated to make that change. I tried after Christmas too but for some reason can not find that push of motivation. Usually the feeling of looking forward gives you motivation and the knowing of how you will feel if you did something. I just can't remember the feeling. I tried to trigger a feeling by looking at pics.

I've really struggled recently. I gone from running 3 times a week mainly at weekends to doing nothing.
I used to love the park run too but I've not been for nearly a year.
For the past month I've finished work and gone straight to bed and literally lay there for 14 hours even if I'm not sleeping I just lay there and think.
My separation has slowly zapped the life out of me. I feel worse now than I did in July when it all started

Yellowshirt - thankyou. I split up with someone in June. I thought I had gone through the whole process of moving on. Christmas was a little difficult but I feel I had started to get myself together, make plans. Everything seemed to just backfire. Slowly but surely my attempt to make some changes have not worked out. I have instead put on weight, drink too much, and have no desire to have my hair done or wear something nice, you know attend to the little things that can lift your self esteem. I have actually let myself go.

Maybe try paying attention to your cycle and trying to push yourself at the right time in your cycle (I.e. not the week before or the week of your period). I think the 7 days after your period has finished is the time you will feel slightly more energetic, and the best time to try and push yourself out of the rut. Also drink more water. How is your diet? ( not preaching here..... I need to follow my own advice!! Less crap carbs!). Try following clairebaker on Instagram... all about working with your cycle and it has helped me.

whatisheupto - thankyou. I actually googled this today as I hit a terrible low in the last few days (a week leading up to my period) and hadn't realised it was due. It explained that a few days after, hormone levels raise again therefore lift your mood. I was actually thinking there must be something to help with this - Google explained a good diet etc. Lately my diet is poor. More sugar than ever. I'm not usually a carbs person but more carbs as late. I tried a keto diet but I was hangry all of the time. It's a very good weight loss diet though. I remember feeling good when the weight came off but can't get back into it.

Lillycake I eat nothing all week then at weekends just binge on crap.
I'm up and down with alcohol one minute drinking nothìng then last weekend I opened a bottle of gin after many beers.
I basically got told to get a hair cut and have a shave by work as I looked like a scruffy git.
Even at weekends I'm getting up later and later then having z let's breakfast then climbing back into bd

Yellowshirt - I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's difficult to get out of, well it's appearing to be for me. Maybe we should start by having our hair done?

Yes let's sync hair cuts! I badly need one and am lacking motivation!

Lillycake I felt like that a few years ago and got over it by doing something new every day for a year. Anything at all - listen to a new song or radio station, make a new recipe, walk a new way to school etc. It was just a fun easy project that got me out of my rut and feeling playful again. Also, you quite quickly run out of easy stuff to do (can't keep using 'tried a new scent of bubble bath') so you end up trying stuff that scares or challenges you. I ended up working in a completely different field from normal as a result of the project.

Also, try doing an online HIIT 5-8 minute workout every night before bed. That'll give you energy and strength really quickly. You feel better after about three days.

I've slipped back into a rut so have re-started doing this. There's a thread for it on MH boards if you want to join in.

Have been there.
Couldn't be arsed to do much

I started with just getting up a bit earlier making my bed and putting on 2 or 3 song to dance to. I started the day feeling that I had accomplished something and that gave me momentum to do more.

I have been through stages like this so I send my love to OP and all of you who feel like this.
Go to the doctor and ask to have bloods done, there are lots of physical reasons that make you feel like this. While you are awaiting results get a good multivitamin and some liquid iron, a Vitamin D spray
Don't try to change everything at once. I think the hair cut is a priority, it will give you a lift

If it is an any way possible go outside every day. I am sure you aren't a hermit! I mean go outside purposefully every day.
Your purpose isn't to run or walk (though that would be good,) the point to to find some trees and grass, and enjoy seeing them and being near them.

I am really fortunate in that I live in a truly lovely place, mountains and rivers etc. It is being fully aware of the joy they bring me that has got me through some terrible times. When I lived in a large town it was the parks and green spaces that served the same purpose. There is something restful and eternal that demands nothing from you but your presence.

Find some meditation on YouTube, it can be a help in relaxation.
Listen to books on Audible or the like, you can use audio systems provided by libraries too.There are some interesting people out there.
Take up a craft if you are bored in the evenings, I crochet and it's a very mindful process, though I also watch TV. Or listen to a book.

If you have a garden, grow something! Food, salad in a container or some potatoes or Flowers, this is just the time of year to sow seeds or use plants to brighten your space. Gardening has been a lifesaver for me.

Ask friends to join you sometimes, it always pushes me to tidy up and make myself a little more presentable.

I am aware that I sound pretentious 😉 but I honestly have been in your shoes and I feel for you. I hope you feel better soon.