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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband and sister in law

55 replies

123Helpus · 07/05/2019 20:17

would it bother you if your husband and sister in law slept together before you met ?

OP posts:
specterlitt · 07/05/2019 21:43

Undoubtedly, yes, yes and YES.

Xyzzzzz · 07/05/2019 21:46

Depends on the circumstances...was it a relationship? Was it a ONS?

FuzzyLilac · 07/05/2019 21:48

My uncle was married for 41 years to the mother of his niece!

Basically the girl fell pregnant to uncle A but they split up. Two years later she married his brother uncle B.
Happy marriage everyone got along.

I think if you want it to be an issue it will be. If you just keep it in the past then there is no problem.

IvanaPee · 07/05/2019 21:48

Why do you ask?

RagingWhoreBag · 07/05/2019 21:59

It would bother me having to spend family occasions with anyone who my DP has slept with, but I guess if it was a casual thing a long time ago, it would bother me less than if they had an actual relationship and it was reasonably recent. If it was when they were teens or something, it wouldn't really bother me.

MsDogLady · 07/05/2019 22:11

Did you just recently find out about this?

Hisnamesblaine · 07/05/2019 22:57

We need more info OP! But i wouldnt like it

GarlicGrace · 08/05/2019 01:15

XH2 had slept with pretty much all his female friends from home, and a lot of them were in relationships with his male friends. This freaked me out a bit when I first realised - no group of my friends has been that, erm, intermingled. However, it's clearly just how things were in their neck of the woods. A lot of things were wrong with our marriage, but that wasn't one of them. I still think it's weird, though!

So, as you haven't posted any background yet, I'm wondering if you feel much the same way OP? That nothing's particularly wrong about it, but it's just a bit out of your comfort zone?

If the pair of them are constantly flirting with each other, disappearing into quiet rooms together or excluding you with sickly in-jokes, you've got a problem. If everyone involved is perfectly at ease, it's probably a blip from the past that they've all moved well past.

Have you told him you feel odd about it?

Rtmhwales · 08/05/2019 01:18

One of my closest friends married a man this year who is the brother of the guy she dated all through university (4 years). His new wife (the old flame's) finds this absolutely horrific. The rest don't care.

GarlicGrace · 08/05/2019 02:05

Rtmhwales, the rest can afford not to care because they've already lived through it. There might have been some chafed feelings when she got together with the brother. They've had plenty of time to sort themselves out. The other wife - who's in OP's position - must have felt a bit left out, with all the shared history. It could take some getting used to.

You don't expect your husband to have lived in a monastery until he met you, but neither do you expect his past exploits to be part of your daily life together! (Well, not unless you come from somewhere like XH2's home town ...)

123Helpus · 08/05/2019 09:33

Sorry didn’t want to go too much into detail but it was 2 years before, more than once, the usual ‘oh I’m pregnant’ etc and wasn’t 🙄 regardless of the scenario I just wondered if it would bother anyone...

OP posts:
PinkCrayon · 08/05/2019 09:38

It would bother me if my dh actually saw his brother. If he didnt then not so much.
I think its a bit strange though if I am honest I wouldnt want anyone who had slept with my sibling it would put me off no matter how great they were, there are plenty of people in the world I dont understand why anyone would choose someone who had slept with their sibling.
Gross.

Branleuse · 08/05/2019 09:51

yeah it would probably bother me if I was in close contact with my partners ex partners, but it would also depend on the person.
Some things im just dont feel jealous over even when other people would, but other times, i just feel jealous and i dont know why, so it would probably depend somewhat to how i felt they interacted, and how much contact we actually had and my general intuition about it

SandyY2K · 08/05/2019 09:55

Yes, it would bother me... but if the brothers were okay with it... and it was long long ago... I'd let it go.

Not as bad as Jermaine Jackson who married his brothers Ex wife...talk about keeping it in the family. The brothers don't talk to each other anymore.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 09:59

How is someone saying she’s pregnant when she’s not “the usual scenario”?

Are you saying that your husband’s brother’s wife said your husband got her pregnant?

DizzySue · 08/05/2019 10:17

What does 'the usual ‘oh I’m pregnant’ etc' mean?

NewFoneWhoDis · 08/05/2019 10:25

I know two sisters who had the same guy. The first one it was her first big love, to the point where she (and her friends) thought a proposal was imminent. He broke up with her instead and started dating her sister who is married to him now.

I think if a fair bit of time had passed / if the sister had moved on with someone else /if it had just been a casual fling, then maybe. But a sister to start seriously dating your ex that you still have feelings for is an asshole.

123Helpus · 08/05/2019 12:01

When a girl says oh I think I’m pregnant when they weren’t..., maybe for a reaction or to try and keep them not sure..

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 12:03

And he told you this, did he?

123Helpus · 08/05/2019 12:06

I know it for a fact, getting a bit of subject now though

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 14:10

All you know for a fact is that she thought she might be pregnant.

If you have a problem with them having slept together in the past that’s fine. Understandable, even.

But why the need to vilify her? Your husband was clearly just as involved.

123Helpus · 08/05/2019 14:24

Woah sorry what now? I think someone must be bored today, haven’t vilified her at all 😂

‘‘Twas a simple question please scroll on 😁

OP posts:
Ellabella989 · 08/05/2019 14:26

My DP’s first kiss when he was 14 was with the mother of his nephew. I couldn’t care less but if they had slept together then I would probably find it quite weird

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 14:27

So then why mention the pregnancy stuff?

123Helpus · 08/05/2019 14:29

Are you joking ? 3+ people including yourself asked why and for more info 😂 this is why in the beginning I said I don’t want to go into too much detail, regulardless of situation would it bother you .... yes ..... no. 👍🏻

OP posts:
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